Mark Conner Relationships

Some Thoughts on Sexuality

SexToday, we live in an increasingly sexually-charged culture. How can followers of Christ please God in the area of their sexuality? After all, God intended sex to be sacred.

Firstly, make a commitment to sexual purity. Unless you do, it is unlikely that you will unintentionally slide towards it. Then, take time to understand why you should say ‘no’ to sexual temptation. God’s commands protect us from many negative consequences us and they provide a blessing for us. All of us are vulnerable, so be on guard against temptation and be wise in your relationships.  

Pornography 

You don't have to visit a seedy little adult bookstore down a dark alleyway to find pornography today. It will find you, whether you want it to or not. It's everywhere – on billboards, magazines and the internet.

Internet pornography is a huge temptation for everyone. It is a multi-billion dollar industry and it is drowning many people in a cesspool of sexual lust.

Christian psychologist, Arch Hart in his book The Sexual Man outlines the dangers or pornography for men (although the same dangers exist for women):

1. Pornography can cause men to prefer a fantasy woman over a real woman. They move from the challenge of a real relationship to an image. Fantasy is less challenging. However, fantasy is not reality.

2. Pornography can be substitute sexual excitement for intimacy. Men can too easily separate sex from love, something that women are far less prone to do.

3. Pornography produces a chemical high and can become addictive. The more you use it the more you need it and the further you drift from reality. More and heavier pornography is required for excitement. Pornography is like junk sex.

4. Woman are de-humanised and become an object to look at rather than person to relate to. It is easy for men to see women as a face and a figure. Pornography intensifies this issue.

5. Many young men have their sexual beliefs and attitudes shaped by pornography and exposure often begins quite young. The fact is that pornography often sets young people up for disappointment in the real world. The vast majority of real women cannot possibly measure up to the air-brushed, colour-enhanced, glossy photographs that can become that standard of reference for some males. Pornography distorts a man’s views of how women feel about sex and what can be reasonably expected from sex.

6. Pornography damages marriages. Research on viewing pornography reveals that both men and women rated their spouses less attractive and felt less in love with them. Repeated exposure to pornography results in a decreased satisfaction with one’s sexual partner, with the partner’s sexuality, with the partner’s sexual curiosity, a decrease in the valuation of faithfulness, and a major decrease in the importance of sex with attachment.

Make a plan to avoid porn. Guard yourself against temptation. Most importantly, get help if you get stuck in an addictive pattern. Accountability is often an important part of finding freedom from any sin.

Some good resources for help with pornography include Alan Meyer's Valiant Man Course and XXX Church. 

Mark Conner Family, Relationships

Some Thoughts on Family Conflict

ConflictRelationships are built and maintained through communication. When communication breaks down, so do relationships. Consider the quality and nature of the conversation in your relationships. It creates an atmosphere.

Eph. 4:29. Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Prov.18:21. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

James 1:19. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Poor listening habits include: inattentiveness, interrupting and advice giving. Ask questions then give focus and attention to listen for meaning and understanding.

Problems or crisis confront every family and no one enjoys them, but strong families are able to respond to the problem in a constructive way – to see some positive element in even the most difficult situations. Problems cause strong families to pull together rather than be pulled apart, as they develop trust and a greater reliance on each other. If we don't fix our problems, we take them with us and they become bigger.

Anger is what gets us in trouble. Pride is what keeps us there and creates barriers. You will get angry or upset. But learn to handle it right. Don't use it as a weapon and don't hold on to it. Admit it when you’re wrong. Take the initiative to resolve conflicts even if you're right. Take the first step. Forgive one another.

During communication, learn to say "I think" and "I feel" rather than "You always." This creates empathy and understanding. Observe other family member's non-verbal behavior and seek to clarify. Also, observe process and content.

Learn to speak the "truth in love" (Eph.3:15). We can confront without hurting. We must not hang on to our anger and hurt. We need to take responsibility for our feelings. Share your feelings and thoughts honestly and openly. Always seek to maintain the relationship. Remember the goals of loving confrontation should always be a better understanding, a positive change and a growing relationship. Have the courage and the consideration to learn to confront lovingly.

Avoid the extremes of being overly assertive (aggressive) and under-assertive.

Eph 4:26-32. "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold … Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." 

For other related BLOG posts, see: Conflict, Tough Love, The Art of Apology, and The Art of Forgiveness.  

Mark Conner Family

Some Thoughts on Parenting

ParentYou can become a a father or a mother in an instant, but it takes a lifetime to learn to be a good parent. After all, kids arrive without instructions and each child is pre-wired (no 'blank slates'!) uniquely. 

What are some important principles for parents?

Your greatest influence is who you are, not what you say. Kids do what kids see. Be an example of the kind of person you'd like them to become. This requires us to deal with our own personal character issues, so that we don't pass negative habits on.

Love your kids with all your heart. After all, they are yours. Kids have different love languages. For some it is encouraging words. For others it is giving them gifts, doing something for them, or appropriate physical affection. For many kids, love is spelt T-I-M-E. Quality time comes out of quantity time together. 

Establish and enforce appropriate boundaries. Do this consistently and with fairness among siblings. Don't have favourites. As children grow and mature, gradually release them to more responsibility for their own lives and choices. Try to say "yes" more than "no." You can't die on every hill so don't make every issue bigger than it needs to be.

Always keep rules in the context of the relationship. Josh McDowell says, "Rules without relationship leads to rebellion." No issue is worth more than the relationship that you have with your children.

Encourage your children. Don't approach parenting with the goal of always correcting, disciplining and keeping your children in line. Look for where you can sincerely praise, compliment and encourage your kids. Notice and approve of what they do right. Then you can correct mistakes in a positive climate rather than continually pointing out what they're doing wrong. Are we as quick to notice the good things as we are to pounce on our kid’s mistakes? Is your approach to go around trying to catch kids doing something wrong or stop them before they do something wrong? Are we quick to criticise and slow to praise? That's negative parenting. Catch them doing something right. Is the fastest way to get dad's attention to do something wrong? Fifteen out of twenty kids would say "Yes!" How many things can you appreciate about your kids if you stop and think about it right now? Speak up and tell them what you see. We all thrive under encouragement, affirmation and praise. Praise becomes a motivator for proper behaviour.

Don’t parent alone. Partner with other family members, with your children's peers, with the school and the church. See your local church's children's ministry or youth group as an ally.

Pray for your children that they will develop their own relationship with God and help your children discover God’s purpose for their life. Talk about spiritual matters with them and create or take them to environments where they have the opportunity to experience God for themselves.

Ultimately, we have to trust our children to God and release them over time to be responsible for their own life choices. God the Father created the perfect environment for Adam and Eve yet they made a poor choice. This did not make God a failure as a parent. In the same way, parents should not carry inappropriate guilt or shame when their children make choices that disappoint them. Like Father God, continue to love and reach out to your children – no matter what. 

P.S. More BLOG posts on parenting: Wisdom for Parents, Parenting Teenagers, Damaging Parenting Styles. 

There are many good books on parenting but I especially encourage you to check out The Parenting Book, a recent release from Nicky and Sila Lee.

Mark Conner Family, Relationships

Some Thoughts on Marriage

MarriageAccording to the recent national census (2010), 49.4% of people in Australia are married. The medium age of a first marriage for men is 29.6 years old and 27.7 for women. Choosing to marry someone is an important decision that needs to be undertaken with much prayer and consideration. At our church, we require all couples who intend on marrying to take a pre-marital course called Prepare and Enrich Course. 

What are some ways to build a great marriage?

A great wedding doesn't make a great marriage. Life is a journey and only with ongoing time and effort will a couple continue to grow together in their love for each other. A strong marriage includes a combination of commitment, friendship and romance. Commitment is the foundation that holds things together when the other two aspects aren't going so well, which occurs somewhere in any marriage. Communication is the key to building and maintaining any relationships. When communication breaks down, so do relationships. 

What roles should husbands and wives have in an ideal marriage? 

In biblical times, the husband was the home-provider and the wife was the mother and home-maker (1Tim.5:8; Tit.2:1-5). Paul speaks of the husband providing for his own household and of the wife being a home-maker. However, in a patriarchal society, Jesus and Paul made significant steps towards returning to the model of ‘partnership’ that God intended from the beginning (see Gen.1-2). God’s ideal is that men and women together share the reproduction mandate (“be fruitful and multiply”) and the dominion mandate (“let them rule”). The image of God is “male and female” not “male over female.” In our contemporary society, it is important that husbands and wives openly discuss their God-given roles and responsibilities together. These can be determined by the unique gifts of each person and the context in which each couple finds themselves.  

How should decisions be made?

Decision-making should be done together in a spirit of mutual submission and accountability. Unity is essential, so as to avoid a divided household, confused children, and a potential marriage rift or drift. Husbands and wives should spend time in extended discussion and prayer together. It is also wise to receive counsel from others, as in the multitude of counsellors there is wisdom. 

Paul described the husband as the ‘head’ of the home (1Tim.5:8 with Tit.2:1-5), which involves loving spiritual leadership. Of course, in healthy marriages there is mutual submission and respect (Eph.5:21). There is also recognition of the unique gifts and abilities of both the husband and the wife. Ideally, they should lead together in united partnership and do everything with a motive of love.  

Christian marriages are a strong three-fold cord between a husband and wife and God. As the couple grows closer to God, they draw closer to each other, and visa versa. A strong spiritual foundation of faith and prayer only enriches any marriage relationship.

P.S. More BLOG posts on marriage: Marriage God's Way and Love for a Lifetime – Building a Great Marriage.

There are many good books on marriage. I would especially recommend The Marriage Book by Nicky and Sila Lee.

Click here for some thoughts on parenting and here for some thoughts on family conflict.

Mark Conner Family, Relationships

Some Thoughts on Dating

DatingAt some stage, many single people move into a romantic relationship with someone from their circle of friends. This in often an exciting yet somewhat scary time. Although it's often too early to tell, ideally, the couple see each other as a potential spouse, not just a relationship of convenience, which can easily become selfish and abusive. 

Moving from a friendship to romantic relationship with another person is an important decision and needs to be done with prayer and wisdom. We put a lot of work into considering buying a house or a car. How much more should we put a lot of work on the front end of beginning a relationship with a potential life partner. After all, an eventual marriage means sharing every area of our life.

Aspects to consider are: compatibility (spiritual, personality, life purpose, attraction), character (track record, stability, quality of existing relationships), affirmation from family and trusted friends, and the test of time. Be extremely prayerful and careful. Of course, let’s not buy into the cult of perfectionism.

Should a Christian go out with or marry a non-Christian? When choosing a potential life partner – faith, character and life purpose are all important. The apostle Paul urged anyone who was about to remarry to marry “only in the Lord” – in other words, to another Christian (1Cor.7:39). His earlier comments about not being "unequally yoked with unbelievers" (1Cor.6:14) were not in direct reference to marriage, although there may be a principle there. “Missionary dating” is not always a successful enterprise. Because faith in God is such a central and all-pervasive aspect of life, it should be a priority when choosing who to go out with or who to marry.

When it comes to dating standards, God’s will is sexual purity before and within marriage (see 1 Thess.4:1-8). This requires that we control your eyes (what we look at), our mind (what we think about), our heart and our actions. Unfortunately, we have seen a great moral shift in our society over the last generation. Here in Australia, in 1967, only 3% of couples lived together before marriage, while in 2011, it is 87%. De facto or common law marriage is becoming the norm – a kind of "try before you buy" mentality.

In addition to this trend, the challenge with sexual purity is that puberty is occurring much earlier in today and people are often marrying much later (the average age for marriage used to be around age 21, now it's 29 for men and 27 for women), thus lengthening the period of time between sexual awareness and marriage. 

Couples going out should discuss their values and set standards that will enable them to live those values out. Always treat the other person with respect. Avoiding tempting situations is important, as is accountability from close family members and friends. God's order is spirit, soul and body – the opposite of the world's, which tends to focus primarily on sex (for some thoughts on the sacredness of sex, click here). Focus on your friendship and your life purpose. Once there is a strong sense of you having a future together, short engagements are ideal. It doesn't take more than a few months to plan a wedding celebration. 

When we do dating the right way, it can be a time of adventure, enjoyment and friendship. When we don't, we can end up causing a lot of hurt and pain, along with regret. Our choices have consequences. Beginning today, make a commitment to choose wisely and to treat others with genuine love, thinking of what is best for them, not just yourself. 

Click here for some thoughts on marriage.

Mark Conner Family

Some Thoughts on Singleness

SingleBased on last year's national Australia census (2010), 41.9% of adults in our local State of Victoria are single. They include people who have never married (because they chose not to marry or have not found a partner) or those who have been married but are single again because of the death of a spouse or through divorce.

Single people are part of the family of God – they are not second class citizens. They are to be given full acceptance and affirmation. They are not abnormal or to be viewed with suspicion. Marriage is not a superior status to singleness, nor visa versa. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. Being single is not ‘second best’ or a life doomed to misery and incompleteness.

Singleness is not in any way inferior to marriage. In fact, you are better off happily single than unhappily married. The apostle Paul preferred singleness and encouraged people to consider it as a life choice (1 Cor.7:7-9, 27-28). Jesus was a single too. Singles are not half a person. We are complete in Christ, not through marriage. Marriage is ordained by God, yet it is not obligatory for everyone.

Some of the unique challenges that single people face include loneliness, low feelings of self-worth, problems with identity and life direction, pressure from married people (the 'matchmakers'!), maintaining sexual purity, and possibly or parenting alone.

Reflecting on the lives of both Jesus and Paul, we see that some keys for single people living an enjoyable and fruitful life are: (1) establishing an intimate relationship with God as Father, (2) developing healthy, non-romantic friendships, and (3) having a sense of purpose for life.

Singles, know that God loves you and has a purpose for your life. Marrieds, let's be sure to reach out to singles, giving them heaps of encouragement, care and support. After all, we are all a part of God's bigger family. 

Click here for some thoughts on dating.

Mark Conner Family

Update on the State of the Family

FamilyCreated for Relationship

The book of Genesis is the book of beginnings. It doesn’t tell us when the world was created or much about how the world was created (two matters that continue to be hotly debated today) … but it does tell us who created the world (God) and why he created it.

God reveals himself as a relational God existing in a community of persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Three, yet one. Human beings are created in the image or likeness of God (Gen.1:26-28). We too are relational beings. When God created the world, he was pleased with every days’ work, declaring it “good” (Gen.1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25).” After creating everything, including humans, he said his work was “very good” (Gen.1:31). But then there is a turn in the mood. Suddenly God says something is “not good” (Gen.2:18) – and this is before sin had entered the world.

God saw it as “not good” that Adam was alone. It wasn’t that Adam was lonely – he had God and all the animals. But Adam was alone in that he was a solitary individual human being and as such could not reflect the image of God, which is relational. So God created Eve … not to do the dishes and the housework … but as a “partner” for Adam (Gen.2:18). Only man and woman together could accurately reflect the image of God. This was not so much about marriage as it was about community. We were created for community – for relationship.

A Changing Culture

Just mention the word “family” in society today and you’ll get a variety of opinion and perspectives on what it is and what it should be. Changes to the family are reflected in the typical TV family. We've come a long way from the Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, The Cosby Show and the Brady Bunch (anyone remember The Munsters?) through shows like Friends (a bunch of friends living together in a pseudo-family), The Simpsons and now Modern Family.

The traditional “nuclear family” (a dad and mum and a few kids) is becoming less common (some sociologists would say “extinct”). Of course, in many Asian cultures, the “extended family” (including grandparents and other relatives) is still the norm. In the West, more and more people are living alone, single parent families are becoming more common, as are de facto marriages (including children – in 2009, 35% of births were outside of marriage) and blended or step families (as of 1997, 1 in 3 marriages in Australia is now a remarriage). Currently, here in Australia 43% of first marriages end in divorce; 50% of second marriages end in divorce; and 70% of subsequent marriages break up.

All of this has huge ramifications for society.

  • More and more kids are growing up in fragile homes (the number of children who do not reach the age of 15 in an intact family with both of their biological parents has almost doubled within a generation).
  • Family conflict and parental separation has adverse effects on children
  • There is an increase in child abuse and neglect.
  • More children are in out-of-home care.
  • Issues for teenagers are on the rise, including binge drinking, self harming, risky sexual behaviour (at younger ages and with more people), mental disorders, and juvenile offences.
  • More kids are growing up with out a dad around … an increasingly fatherless generation.

Christians in Relationships

As followers of Christ, we are called to be in the world (doing life within the culture we find ourselves in, not isolated or removed from it) but not of the world (having a different ethic and value – that of love or self-giving sacrifice). We want all of our relationships to reflect the God we worship – a God who has revealed himself as love. That doesn’t just happen and it’s not easy. It requires the help of God’s Spirit and our commitment to be the kind of people who help to create healthy families and relationships, so that they are places of love, laugher and life … not of hatred, pain and damage.

Our next few BLOG posts will make some reflections on some of the common questions that are being asked today about family and relationships …

Click here for some thoughts on singleness.

Mark Conner Bible, Leadership, Preaching

Jeremiah: Prototype for Prophets, Preachers and Pastors

JeremiahJeremiah is one of my favourite people in the Bible. He was called by God at a young age and was given a tough assignment. He lacked natural confidence but God continually encouraged him. Not everyone liked Jeremiah and he had to endure some extremely difficult circumstances. Yet he remained faithful in bringing God's word and heart to the people he served.

Here is God's first message to Jeremiah:

The Lord gave me this message: "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." "O Sovereign Lord," I said, "I can't speak for you! I'm too young!" The Lord replied, "Don't say 'I'm too young,' for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don't be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!" Then the Lord reached out and touched my mouth and said, “Look, I have put my words in your mouth! Today I appoint you to stand up against nations and kingdoms. Some you must uproot and tear down, destroy and overthrow. Others you must build up and plant.” Jer.1:4-10. NLT

In many ways, Jeremiah is a prototype for prophets, preachers and pastors. Here are a few reflections on the life and ministry of Jeremiah that we can apply to ourselves, wherever God may have us serving Him. 

Like Jeremiah, before we were born, God …

1. Knew us – yes, he knows (observes, notices, realizes) us inside and out, better than we know myself. He knows our weaknesses, sins and limitations. He knows our struggles, questions and doubts. He knows everything about us, yet he still loves us.  

2. Formed us – not only are we made in his image, our shape is from him. Everything about us, he designed (like a potter) to perfectly fit what he has called us to be. Nothing is by accident or chance. Nothing is missing. We just need to discover, then develop what is already there. Yes, we need to curb the destructive habits and reinforce the positive ones.  

3. Set us apart (to consecrate, make holy, sanctify, to dedicate, to prepare, to devote to) – we have a holy and sacred calling – specific, unique and important. To do anything else and to thereby neglect this calling is criminal activity, like ignoring our creator God and our Father. 

4. Appointed us to a specific ministry (Jer.1:5) – he gave us to, set us in, and put us in this role. The only question is whether or not we will carry it out and, if so, how well.

Continue reading “Jeremiah: Prototype for Prophets, Preachers and Pastors” →

Mark Conner Bible

The Parable of the Vineyard Workers

Vineyard-workersThe parable of the vineyard workers (Matt.20:1-16) is unique to Matthew, although Jesus’ teaching about the first and last is not (see Mark 9:35. Luke 13:30 and also Mt.23:12). In this story, we have a vineyard owner visiting the marketplace looking for an influx of day workers to help with the grape harvest. A vineyard was the most common agricultural setting in Palestine at this time but was also a familiar image for God’s people. During harvest time, 12-hour workdays were common, from sunrise to sunset. Gathering grapes was tough manual labour and the heat of high noon in the Middle East was notorious.  

The first group of workers were hired for a day wage (a denarius) while the subsequent groups were simply promised a fair wage and the final group were sent to work in the vineyard with no promise of a specific wage. Workers were normally paid at the end of the day (Lev.19:13. Dt.24;15). Surprisingly, this owner pays the last workers first and gives them a full day’s wage, despite the fact that they worked much less than the others. The order of payment created an expectation in those hired first that they would be paid more for working longer hours and through the heat of the day. This didn’t happen and they complained. They felt that they were being treated unfairly.

The owner responded by reminding them that he had given them exactly what was agreed to and that he had the right to be generous to the others with his own money. By implication, the owner in the story represents God and the workers represent the disciples of Jesus. The story is clear but what does it mean?

What does the Parable Mean?

Jesus is not teaching a lesson about economics or business practices! He doesn’t tell us to go and do likewise. Also, this parable is not an allegorical picture of the stages of church history or of the time in life when a person may come to faith in Christ. It could be aimed at problems that Jewish Christians had when Gentiles began to believe the gospel and embrace Christianity (see Rom.9-11).

Many see the parable as arguing against salvation by works, portraying the grace of God in salvation. We easily focus on our human effort, goodness, and the work we do for the kingdom of God. That way of thinking affected the disciples – Peter, James and John – and it has affected Christians ever since. It is easy to allow length of service and fervour for the Lord to determine our sense of and degrees of worth and value. God’s way with us is to make no distinctions. We are accepted and loved by God. We are saved by God – and not because of our own goodness or efforts but purely by God’s own grace. This is the gospel. It is different than human wisdom and therefore unusual but full of good news for all. God saves all of us by grace … not by our worthiness. We celebrate not what we have done for God but what He has done for us.

The First will be Last and the Last will be First

This parable is bracketed by a well-known statement of Jesus’: “Many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first (Mt.19:30),” or even more emphatically, “The last will be first and the first will be last (Mt.20:16).” This parable occurs between these two statements and so obviously illustrates the principle Jesus taught. Jesus is saying that in the kingdom, many who are at the back will find themselves in the front and those in the front will find themselves in the back. God is going to stand everything on its head. The nobodies are in the lead and the great and good are in the rear. Jesus is offering a vision of God’s new world in which everything will be upside down and inside out.

The Core Message

The most likely meaning of this parable is that Jesus is using it to address Peter’s earlier question, “We’ve given up everything to follow you. What will we get (Matt.19:27)?” Jesus is directing this parable against attitudes of envy, jealousy, greed, competitiveness or any form of comparison among his disciples. The sequence of paying in the story sets the listener up for a surprise. Expectations arise at the sight of such generosity to the most recent workers. “If these guys who only worked for one hour get the same amount I agreed to for the whole day, just imagine what I will get for working 12 hours!” But as the story unfolds, the listeners share in the tension and the feeling of unfairness. They worked longer hours and in the heat of the day. This seems unjust. The world operates on the principle that those who work the longest and the hardest receive the most pay. But in God’s kingdom, the principles of merit and ability are set aside so that grace can prevail. God was fair with those first hired, paying them the amount that was agreed to, while choosing to be even more generous with those hired last. 

Reflection Questions

  1. Which workers in the parable do you identify most with: the ones just recently hired who were so thankful for the owner’s generosity, the ones who have worked hard all day, or the ones who may not have been hired yet?
  2. Read Paul’s comments in Ephesians 2:8-10. How do we balance our understanding that our salvation is fully by grace yet we are created to do good works?
  3. Reflect on a time when someone you know was really blessed or favoured by God. How did you feel, what did you think, and how did you respond?
  4. Reflect on the feelings of envy and jealousy. Where do they come from, what do they feel like, what are their cause, and how can we handle them appropriately as disciples?
  5. Read Paul’s comments in 2 Corinthians 10:12-18. What are some of the dangers of comparing ourselves with others?
  6. What are some ways that we can avoid developing an attitude that God somehow owes us for all we do for him?
  7. In what ways is this parable similar to the Parable of the Prodigal Son? Compare the attitude of the workers first hired to that of the elder brother.
Mark Conner Spirituality

A Word for You …

GodOn the weekend, I shared a few messages I felt that God put on my heart for various groups of people in our church. Here is a brief summary of them:

1. "You're It!"

Did you ever play tag when you were a kid? No one likes to be "it." We'd rather hide and let others do the chasing. But at some stage, we're going to be tagged and someone will say, "You're it!" I sensed that God was tagging some people in the same way. Maybe you have been on the receiving end of the efforts of others and now it's your turn to move to the giving side. It could be as simple yet as powerful as a mindset change … at home, at work, or in your church community. What is God calling you to take up and begin doing right now? 

2. "Slow Down!"

Other people have been tagged by so many people and are doing so much that they are working too hard right now. When we are in this zone we start to become stressed and, if we are not careful, we are heading for burnout. We aren't making much time for prayer and, as a result, we are missing out on God's guidance and strength. God is calling out to these people to slow down. It's a warning that we must heed if we are in this situation. Some of us need a 'not-to-do' list. We need to eliminate some things, even good things, because we are trying to do too much. Jesus said that his burden is "easy and light," not over-bearing (Matt.11:28-30).

3. "Well done!"

Other people don't need to take on anything new or even slow down. They just need to see the smile of their Father God and know that He is pleased with their efforts. He sees, he notices, and he rewards us for anything we do for him or others in his name. God commends us for our faithfulness. 

So what is God saying to YOU right now? Don't open someone else's mail! If you need to slow down, then don't take the "You're it" word. If God is saying to you, "you're it," then don't take the "slow down" word.

Reflect on this and ask God what he is saying to you – then respond to Him and I believe that you will know an even greater blessing in your life and ministry.

Mark Conner Leadership

What Season Are You In?

SeasonRight now it is autumn here in Australia and I love it. The spectaular colours of the leaves display the creativity of our amazing God. Seasons – God created them. He told Noah: "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease (Gen.8:22)." Later on, Solomon noted that, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens … (Ecc.3:1)"

Verteran pastor Bill Hybels wisely notes that every church and organisation goes through various seasons and that the leaders job is to discern the season, name it, and work with what God is doing. Here is an excerpt from his blog post about this subject.

I’m in and out of local churches nearly every week, and I love to test leaders’ organizational awareness by asking a straightforward question: “What season are you in as a church?” The most perceptive leaders I know fire back an answer to that question without batting an eye: “We’re in a growth season right now,” or “We’ve been on a plateau for far too long, and people are getting frustrated,” or “We’ve run our volunteers ragged and probably need to slow the pace and let people catch their breath,” or “We’ve gone through more change cycles in the past ninety days than should be legal, but things are finally starting to settle out a bit.” A key responsibility of the leader is to know what season the organization is in, to name it, and then to communicate the implications of that season to his or her followers.

This leadership-seasons idea traces back to Ecclesiastes 3:1, which says that “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Most leaders nod consent at that line of thinking but simultaneously neglect to tell their followers what season they’re in! And based on my experience, people sitting in your organization will have no clue what season they’re in unless you tell them. Do yourself and those you lead the favor of learning to spot the changing of the seasons in your environment. When you see growth bloom or transition hit or feel the icy days of malaise descend, draw attention to the shift. Give voice to the realities of that season. Assign appropriate language to it, designate helpful parameters to succeeding within it, and confidently offer solutions for moving through it. You’re always in a season, leader. It’s your role to know which it is and what to do about it.

What season are you in right now? It is a season of growth or of consolidation? Is it a season of decline or maybe of transition? Or could it be a season of re-invention? The things you have been doing have brought you to where you are today but they may not take you to where God wants you to be. Pray and ask God about this and talk with others on your team. What season are you in personally? Once you discern the season, work with God is up to and believe for God to finish the great work he has begun in you and your community.

P.S. For some more thoughts on growing strong in the various seasons of life, click here.

Mark Conner Personal Development

How to Get Super Focused (by Michael Hyatt)

Focus[Michael Hyatt has one of the most popular BLOGS out there. Below is a recent post written by him that you might find helpful]

"Every now and then, I have a need to get super-focused. It’s usually when I have an important task to accomplish like preparing a speech, writing a blog post, or solving a complex problem.

Unfortunately, I live in the same distracting world you do, where multiple voices compete for my attention. I’ve gone through days when I didn’t accomplish a single thing on my to-do list. Yet, somehow I was busy the entire time!

Recently, I found myself in this exact situation. My new book, Platform, launched and my daughter, Madeline, got married—both in the same week. (I know, I know, what was I thinking?) I had the need to focus on the task at hand and be super-productive.

This got me thinking. Is it possible to turn focus on and off like a switch?

I am not sure I can say yes one hundred percent of the time. But, over the years, I have found seven practices that enable me to be better focused, especially when I need to get important work done.

  1. Give yourself a deadline. Though I often dislike them, the truth is I usually perform better when I have a clear deadline. It provides clarity, efficiency, and the ability to persist until I am done—even when it is totally self-imposed.
  2. Get a good night’s sleep. Don’t you find yourself more unfocused when you are tired? You may have to reread the same paragraph four times to get the meaning. Being fully rested just makes you more productive.
  3. Eat the right foods. Certain foods hinder focus. In my experience, these include high glycemic carbs (e.g., white bread, potatoes, pasta) and sugars. After the initial burst of energy, I get sleepy—and lose focus. One food that almost always gives me more focus is juiced beets, probably because they stimulate blood flow to the brain.
  4. Listen to the right music. We all know music can affect our moods. But it can also affect our brain activity. According to several studies, baroque music helps you focus by changing your brain waves. If this kind of music doesn’t appeal to you, try something else. Personally, I do best while listening to native American flute music.
  5. Eliminate distractions. This is just common sense, but find a quiet, distraction free environment—or one that has consistent background noise that quickly turns to white noise. Turn off the Internet or at least the social parts, like Twitter, Facebook, and e-mail that endlessly ping you. One great tool for this is Anti-Social.
  6. Focus on one task. Multi-tasking is a myth. In fact, it’s impossible. What you are really doing is serial tasking—shifting from one task to another. The problem is that this actually destroys productivity. It is sometimes necessary but never efficient. When you are trying to focus, you need to work on one task at a time and set everything else aside.
  7. Take periodic breaks. The key to staying focused is to adopt a rhythm of work and rest or what Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz call “the pulse of high performance" in their book, The Power of Full Engagement. I use the Pomodoro Technique to work for 50 minutes and then break for 10 minutes.

There’s not much we can do to affect our external environment. But we can shape our internal one by following these seven practices."

By Michael Hyatt

Mark Conner Preaching

Preparing to Preach …

PreachPreaching God's Word at any time and in any context is always a great privilege and, at the same time, a great responsibility. All of us desire to speak by revelation, to believe for impartation (not just information), and to aim for transformation, as well as a demonstration of the Holy Spirit at work in people's lives. Here are a few thoughts to encourage those who are preparing to speak this weekend.

1. Bathe your preparation in prayer. The best thing that you can bring to people is a quickened and alive word from God. Take time to wait on the Lord and hear His voice. Before you speak, allow God to speak to you. After all, it is the Spirit that brings life. 

2. Be Christ-centered in your preaching. Don't just talk about topics, even good things like faith, overcoming, generosity, the Bible and church. The Christian life is about a Person not merely a set of beliefs or a system of behaviours. Talk about Jesus. After all, Jesus is God and therefore God is like Jesus. 

3. Once you have a sense of conviction about what to speak on, don't doubt or vacillate. Do your preparation, pray, gather your material, then speak confidently. Almost all speakers experience feelings of hesitation near the time they are about to speak. The enemy attacks our mind with thoughts like, "Who are you to speak?" or "This is not going to help anyone" and "Maybe you picked the wrong text or topic."

4. Encourage the people. We live in a world that knocks us around and people come to church to be built up. Paul tells us that the purpose of prophecy is strengthen (build up), encourage (fire up) and comfort (hold up) people (1Cor.14:3). Preaching has the same purpose.

5. Be passionate and enthusiastic (which doesn't have to mean noisy!). Believe in what you are speaking about – that it has the power to change people's lives. Remember that logic alone doesn’t change or move people. Use pictures and stories to move people’s emotions. Never preach a point without painting a picture.

6. Be practical. We need a lot more 'how to' preaching and a lot less 'what to.' All preaching should be aimed at producing life change, which means that people need to know how to apply what they are hearing.

7. Always preach for a response. Challenge people to act on what they have heard and give them an opportunity to do so. 

There is nothing more satisfying that knowing that God has used you to bring his word and his heart to people.

Finally, a great promise for us as we preach God's Word this weekend …

Isaiah 55:10-11. "The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I sent it." NLT

I pray that God will speak through you and cause His Word to have a powerful effect on those who hear it this weekend. Go for it!

P.S. To access some more thoughts on preaching, click here.

Mark Conner Bible

The Parable of the Wheat and Weeds

WeedsThe parable of the wheat and the weeds (Mt.13:24-30) is unique to Matthew and is one of the few parables for which Jesus provides a detailed interpretation (Mt.13:36-43). The farmer represents Jesus as the Son of Man. The field is the world and the good seed are the children of the kingdom who are in relationship with God the Father. The enemy is the devil and he sows his weeds – the people of the evil one. The workers are not identified but are most likely Jesus’ disciples. The harvest is the end of the age and is symbolic of final judgment. The weeds are gathered first then burnt in a fiery furnace, symbolic of punishment, while God’s people are finally rewarded. They will shine like the sun, reflecting God’s glory. The message of the farmer is to let both the wheat and the weeds grow together until the time of harvest when there will be a clear separation. In the end, good will triumph.

Most parables are a crafted teaching aimed at answering a specific question. If we can determine the implied question to which Jesus was responding, then the path to correct interpretation of the parable becomes much easier. Discerning the implied question must be done through a combination ofobserving both what is said in the parable and what the context is into which the parable was spoken.

(1) Was Matthew trying to deal with issues within his own mixed community, possibly warning them of separation from Judaism or of trying to purify the church of wrongdoers? (2) Is this parable about a Christian response to evil or heretics within the church? (3) Is this parable an apologetic for Jesus gathering a mixed community of people and therefore a justification for the time he spent with people seen as impure (tax collectors and prostitutes)? (4) Is the parable addressing the conflict of good and evil with the individual disciple?

Although each of these views contains a potential application of the parable, the most likely interpretation is that Jesus is answering questions about how the kingdom of God can be present when there is still so much wrong with the world. The mystery of the kingdom is that it is already present but in unexpected ways. Yes, the kingdom has arrived but it is like a field with both wheat and weeds growing together until one day when they will be separated.

Reflections on this Parable

1. God has a plan that he is working out over time (be patient!). It doesn’t take much insight to realise that we live in a world where tragedies and accidents occur every day and where injustice and violence still wreak havoc in people’s lives. Where is God and why doesn’t he do something? The first disciples had similar questions. Why are the Romans still in power and why is evil still at work if the kingdom has arrived? This parable teaches us that God does have a plan for this world and he is working to accomplish it. However, it is unfolding over time and that means there’s some waiting to do, something we find difficult. We’d all love God to do more and to act faster in bringing in his kingdom but Jesus is teaching us patience – the patience of a God who chooses to delay his judgment. God is not in a hurry and we must be prepared to trust him and wait for his time. In the end, God will win and good will overcome evil.

2. There is an enemy at work in the world (be alert!). Alongside the power of the kingdom another power, an illegitimate power, is at work seeking to disrupt God’s plan. Not all actions in this world can be attributed to God. The action of this enemy, identified as the devil, is a prominent feature in Jesus’ ministry. The parable presents us with a worldview that accounts for and is not surprised by evil in the world. It also teaches us that that evil will not be completely removed until judgment day but that does not mean that we should not fight against evil in all its forms in the mean time – in our own lives, in the church and in our society. This awareness calls us to live lives on spiritual alert while avoiding the extremes of being ignorant of the devil’s schemes or of becoming overly preoccupied with his activity.

3. God alone is the judge of all people (be humble!). Right from the beginning of history there have been two seeds or two generations of people – the righteous and the wicked (see Gen.3:15). We find our place in either group not by birth, by fate or by our good works but by our response to the grace of God that he shows toward us in unique ways. God desires everyone to be saved (John 3:16. 1 Tim.2:1-7. 2 Pet.3:9) and to become his children and we have to trust that he makes provision for that possibility. Each person will ultimately choose to be either for God or against God and will be treated accordingly. God will be to us what we are to him. However, in the mean time it is vital that we not get caught up in determining who is IN and how is OUT. God alone knows the human heart and He will be their judge, not us (see Rom.14:12. 1 Cor.4:5. Jas.4:12). Wheat and weeds look very similar … until the time of harvest when their true nature is revealed. In fact, Jesus hinted that we may be surprised who is in and who is out (Mt.21:23-32). We ourselves are a mixture of wheat and weeds – people in desperate need of the grace of God. This should cause us to be humble in our approach to other people.

When it comes to judgment we must avoid caricatures of God that turn him into either a sadistic monster ready to unfurl his wrath on people OR into a soft grandparent who stills give the kids chocolates even after a day of continual misbehaving. God has revealed himself as a supremely loving, wise, beautiful, holy, just and true God. It is that combination of attributes that we must learn to see when it comes to the matter of judgment.

4. We are called to partner with God's purpose (be fruitful!). In the Parable of the Sower, the seed is the word of God (Mt.13:18-23). In this parable, we become the seed. God plants his people in his field – this world – and he desires us to be fruitful for him. A partnership mentality helps us avoid the extremes of apathy (thinking that God will do it all) and of a messianic complex (thinking that we will fix the world and rid it of evil all by ourselves).

Sample Discussion Questions

1. Reflect on the perplexity that the first Christians must have experienced in believing that God’s kingdom had already come yet having to come to grips with the fact that they still lived in a godless and cruel Roman Empire. In what ways is our experience today similar?

2. Read these Scriptures about the devil (Mt.6:13. Eph.4:26-27; 6:10-20. Jas.4:7. 1 Pet.5:8-9) and reflect on how well we appropriate them today.

3. How can we be more discerning (Mt.7:15-20) yet not become judgmental (Mt.7:1-5) of other people?

4. Are there some "weeds" in your own life that need attention?

5. In what ways can we BE the good seed of the kingdom in our world today?

 

Mark Conner Spirituality

Living in this moment – NOW

NowMost of our minds are busy thinking about either the past or the future. Very few of us live fully in the present moment. Yes, there is an appropriate time to remember the past and to contemplate the future but we are not to live in either place. Interestingly, depressed people usually focus on the past, particularly on hurtful experiences. Anxious people usually focus on the future. 

What if we lived more fully … in this moment – right here, right now? 

Learning to live more fully in the present moment can be quite powerful, lifting our mood, enhancing our relationships and enabling us to concentrate … and positioning ourselves to experience the God who is the great I AM. 

Consider this wisdom from the pages of Scripture:

Isaiah 43:18-19. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

Matthew 6:34. "Do not worry about tomorrow."

2 Corinthians 6:2. "Today is the day of salvation."

Could it be that now is not as empty as we think it to be? Could it be that everything we need is already with us in Christ – right here and right now? Could it be that this moment is as perfect as it can be? The saints of old called this "the sacrament of the present moment." Maybe we miss that, because we tend to be control freaks who are always trying to fix things and make them better (not a bad thing in and of itself, unless our quest for continual improvement becomes an idol and causes us to miss the God who is already here … right now). After all, grace teaches us that this is not a world where we have to work hard for God to notice us. We cannot not be in God's presence. We don't have to strive for it. God already is with us. What we lack is awareness … in this moment.  

Could it be that the reason that we never feel full is that we are not embracing and tasting all that already is available to us … in this moment? After all, God is either in this now … or he is nothing at all.

Have we become addicted to adrenaline-rush spirituality … continually craving for another spiritual fix or more goose bumps? Have we made spiritual experience into an idol that we worship at the feet of … missing God in the process?

If our current now is not satisfying, then we are always searching for something else, something more, something new, something different than our present experience.

The truth is that GOD IS. He IS here right now and this moment is full of Him and everything He IS.

No wonder the Psalmist said, "Be still … and know … that I AM … God (Ps.46:10)."

Selah … pause and think about it … 

Now 2