Mark Conner Spirituality, Theology

‘Everyday Experiences of the Divine’ (Complete Teaching Series)

[Update]

This year, I enjoyed preparing and sharing a new series of messages at Bayside Church on the theme of Everyday Experiences of the Divine.

Part 1 – Everyday Experiences of the Divine: The Mystic (22nd February 2024)

In this introductory message, I spoke about the centrality of spiritual experience to the Christian life, showing how the God that is beyond us, close to us, and within us, can be encountered in the ordinary aspects of our daily life. 

Listen to this message via the embedded audio immediately below or watch the video via YouTube.

Part 2 – Everyday Experiences of the Divine: The Sacred Word (16th April 2024)

In this message, I spoke about how the sacred word can be a place where we experience God speaking to and with us. This message included a detailed overview of how we got our Bible and how we can benefit most from it, including reading it as a regular spiritual practice. 

Listen to this message via the embedded audio immediately below or watch the video via YouTube.

Part 3 – Everyday Experiences of the Divine: Hearing God’s Voice (27th June 2024)

In this message, I spoke about the importance of listening to God and hearing his voice. This message included lessons from the prophet Habakkuk about adopting a prophetic posture and practical insights for discerning God’s voice from the many other voices in our lives. 

Listen to this message via the embedded audio immediately below or watch the video via YouTube.

Part 4 – Everyday Experiences of the Divine: Learning to See (10th July 2024)

In this message, I spoke about learning to see what God is doing and saying in the world around us. I included many practical examples illustrating how we can grow in awareness and attentiveness to the Divine. 

Listen to this message via the embedded audio immediately below or watch the video via YouTube.

Part 5 – Everyday Experiences of the Divine: God as Loving Parent (1st September 2024)

In this special Father’s Day message, I shared a number of reflections about fatherhood, then looked at God as a loving parent, drawing lessons for parents today and for enhancing all of our relationships. 

Listen to this message via the embedded audio immediately below or watch the video via YouTube.

Part 6 – Everyday Experiences of the Divine: Dreaming (6th October 2024)

In this final message about everyday experiences of the Divine, I shared about the power of our dreams and how God can speak to us through them. 

Listen to this message via the embedded audio immediately below or watch the video via YouTube.

All the best with your exciting adventure of experiencing God more in your daily life!

Mark Conner Personal Development, Spirituality

THRIVE

Last year, I shared a 5-part series of messages at Bayside Church in Melbourne around the theme of THRIVE. As we entered the year, our intention wasn’t to merely SURVIVE another year, but to THRIVE. The English word ‘thrive’ means: to flourish, bloom, or prosper. It comes from an Old Norse root worth that means to grow or increase. It’s about a certain vitality and excitement, a sense of joy and enjoyment, a burst of energy, strength, and resilience for the inevitable challenges and pressures of the territory, and an increasing passion and enthusiasm.

In life, “everything belongs”. Everything is connected. This series looked at 5 vital relationships or connections within your world. Like an eco-system, each part contributes to the health and well-being of the whole and the whole contributes to each part. Each aspect has a vital part to play in our overall flourishing.

1. You and God. Each person’s spiritual journey begins with an awareness of God, which can occur early or later in life, and in a variety of different ways. Once we embrace the reality of God, knowing who this God is becomes vital. Thankfully, the God of the Universe is revealed as LOVE and we can learn to live each day as the ‘beloved’. This is a life of grace not one of performance-based acceptance. How freeing and transformational this can be! You can listen to the audio of this message now.

2. You and Your Calling. In this message, I shared some insights for discovering your life purpose, which includes a sense of identity (who you are) and contribution (what you do). Your mission is at the intersection of (1) what you are good at, (2) what you care about, and (3) the needs of the world. You can listen to the audio of this message now.

3. You and Yourself. To thrive in life, we need a healthy relationship with the person we look at in the mirror each day – ourselves. In this message, I shared about the importance of self-acceptance, how to develop personal confidence, the vital quality of integrity, and how to become a more optimistic person. You can listen to the audio of this message now.

4. You and People. Life for people of faith is about loving God and loving people. The first task is often easier than the second! After all, ‘everyone is normal until you get to know them’! In this message, I shared 7 relational principles from the life of Jesus then focused on the 3 BIG relational Cs – handling Criticism, resolving Conflict, and learning to Confront appropriately when necessary. You can listen to the audio of this message now.

5. You and Your Work. In this message, I exposed the myth of sacred/secular dualistic thinking, presented a ‘theology of work’, and shared some insights for finding meaningful work and a job to love. I finished up by acknowledging that there is more to life than work and shared a few thoughts about ‘retirement’. You can listen to the audio of this message now.

As you listen to these messages and reflect on your own life, I hope that you will THRIVE in this new year.

Mark Conner Leadership, Spirituality, Theology

Jesus

I wrote this in my journal 7 years ago …

Thinking about Jesus today …

He had no role within any organisation or religious system.

Yes, at times he worked ‘within’ the religious system (speaking in the synagogues, for instance) but he was not employed by it or accountable to it.

He also moved ‘outside’ of it much of the time, in a more organic and relational manner … mostly with people who did not have institutional power.

Of course, he did not avoid or ignore people of position or authority, but rather he sought to influence them with a new paradigm of thinking and a new way of doing life.

He had a standard education for any young Jewish boy but did no training within the halls of theological power.

He focused a lot of time on preparation and did so in solitude, away from the limelight or the spotlight.

Even when his ministry started he often avoided the crowds where possible and spent a lot of time alone.

He loved the crowds but wasn’t interested in building a crowd, an organisation or an institution. He focused on developing and investing in a handful of nondescript people who he thought had future potential (12 disciples primarily, with also a broader group of 70 people).

Jesus was far more interested in the irreligious than the religious people of his day, in sinners rather and saints. He spent the majority of his time with them and really didn’t enjoy the pedantic debates of the holy huddle brigade.

He spent far more time eating meals and attending parties with ordinary people than sitting in long meetings.

He was content being small, isolated and seemingly insignificant in the eyes of the wider world. He didn’t seek fame, power or popularity. In many ways, he was a reluctant leader.

Yet, his life has had a greater and longer lasting impact than anyone else who has ever lived.

I wonder why I hadn’t seen this earlier?

Mark Conner Contemporary Culture, Religion, Spirituality

What is Happening to Christianity?

The statistics are in from the 2021 census by the Australian Bureau of Statistics [ABS: source]. Only 43.9% of Australians now identify with its most common religion – Christianity. This is down from 50% in 2016, 60% percent in 2011, and 71% not long before that. That’s what I would call a ‘free fall’ – almost a 30%+ decline in a matter of decades. It is the first time less than half of the country identifies as Christian.

So what is the fastest-growing religious category? ‘No religion‘. More Australians than ever have reported they don’t identify with any religion. Almost 40% of the Australian population reported having ‘no religion’. This marks an increase from 30% in 2016 and 22% in 2011. NOTE: Despite being a voluntary question on the census, there was an increase in the proportion of people answering the question, from 91% in 2016 to 93% in 2021.

The census showed other religions are growing but make up a small proportion of the population. Hinduism has grown by 55.3 percent to 684,002 people or 2.7 percent of the population. Islam has grown to 813,392 people, which is 3.2 percent of the Australian population.

So what is happening? Is this simply a sign of increasing nominalism and spiritual apathy? Or could it be that Christianity in its current forms simply doesn’t seem attractive to more and more people who do not believe it is worth their wholehearted devotion and commitment?

In the USA, the Supreme Court has recently overturned Roe Vs Wade which legalised abortion back in 1973. Most conservative Christians are rejoicing and former President Donald Trump is smiling in a corner somewhere. However, the culture wars are ignited afresh as a result of this landmark decision, with LGTBQI+ rights potentially under threat next.

How does all of this affect the work of the church and the message of Jesus? Personally, I am for life in all its ages and stages BUT I think legislating morality can be problematic. Zack Hunt’s recent provocative article ‘The Pro-Life Movement Is Anti-Christ‘ raises a lot of relevant issues in all of this.

No doubt the reputation of Christianity has been greatly damaged by cases of clergy sexual abuse and recent public scandals of influential leaders. In addition, the COVID pandemic caused much polarisation within the church between anti-vaxxers, conspiracists, and health professionals, and has also had a big impact on church attendance as well as volunteerism (I recently heard that one Christian business person said the last thing they wanted right now was to be on a roster!).

An increasing number of people I know have no problem with Jesus and would describe themselves as ‘spiritual‘ but feel less comfortable with the institutional church as we know it and in identifying with ‘Christianity.’

I just finished reading Brian McLaren’s latest book ‘Do I Stay Christian: A Guide for the Doubters, the Disappointed, and the Disillusioned‘. It is a challenging read and though you will probably not agree with all of his analysis or recommendations, he sure captures the current questions and dilemmas that many followers of Jesus are grappling with.

We know that ‘Christendom‘ is gone, at least in the West, but it now seems that even contemporary expressions of ‘church‘ are also on shaky ground.

In his book ‘The Future of Faith‘, Harvard religion scholar Harvey Cox offers up a new interpretation of the history and future of religion. Cox identifies three fundamental shifts over the last 2,000 years of church history:

  • The Age of Faith was when the early church was more concerned with following Jesus’ teachings than enforcing what to believe about Jesus.
  • The Age of Belief marks a significant shift – between the fourth and twentieth centuries – when the church focused on orthodoxy and right beliefs.
  • The Age of the Spirit, which began in the 1960s and is shaping not just Christianity but other religious traditions today, is ignoring dogma and breaking down barriers between different religions. Spirituality is replacing formal religion. 

For even more thought-provoking reading on this topic, you can’t go past American historian of Christianity Diana Butler Bass‘ monumental work in her book ‘Christianity After Religion’.

So what does this all mean? Where are things heading? What does the future hold? How should we respond to this? What is God up to? These are vital questions for our time, especially for followers of Jesus and church leaders seeking to live out his mission in our world. May we have wisdom, courage, and grace to respond well to the times we have been given.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Spirituality, Sports

Reflections on the Game of GOLF

Nice to hear that golf courses are open again here in Melbourne …

A few years ago, I was sitting in a nice cafe overlooking a beautiful golf course. I was enjoying a delicious cup of coffee, reflecting on my life, and writing in my journal. I have played a fair amount of golf over the years – some very enjoyable games and some very frustrating ones. Golf is definitely not my favourite sport.

Here’s my journal entry for that day (with apologies to golf lovers!):

The game of GOLF is a metaphor for the human predicament. 

We live in a beautiful world of hills, trees, bushes, grass, flowers, lakes, streams, and wildlife. Instead of simply enjoying it and meandering through its beauty in a peaceful manner, we have to set a goal. 

We put a hole in the ground, a flag in the air, and off we go. Swinging a golf club. Hitting a ball. Trying to get it into the hole. Quicker and faster than our competitors. Counting our shots.

Do we experience frustration or joy? It depends on how well we are DOING. Everything else is blocked out. We don’t see much. We are focused on the goal. After all, “Winners are grinners and losers are suckers”, they say.

Now let’s do it again … and again and again. 

Who turned life into such a competitive game? Who took the joy out of the simplicity of taking a walk in God’s beautiful world! 

It’s time to bail. Refuse to play the game! Throw away your clubs. Put on your walking shoes. Soak in the sun. Stop and look at the flowers. Listen to the birds. Delight in this gift called LIFE. It’s not a game to be endured. It’s a journey to be enjoyed.

[Journal – 29th August 2019]

Actually, we can learn a lot from sport about the game of life. Listen to my podcast for a recent message given at Bayside Church on ‘Winning at the Game of Life: Lessons from the World of Sport‘.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Spirituality

The Lost Art of Meditation

Mention the word ‘meditation‘ today, and for many people, especially Christians, it will evoke images of someone sitting in a yoga pose with their eyes closed and endlessly chanting ‘ohm’. Meditation tends to be associated with Buddhism, exotic Eastern cults, or new age philosophy. Yet the practice of meditation has strong historical roots for people of other faiths, including Christians and Jews.

In the Old Testament book of Genesis we are told this about Isaac …

One evening as Isaac was walking and meditating in the fields, he looked up and saw the camels coming.

Genesis 24:63. NLT

NOTE: This story took place hundreds of years before the Buddha lived.

Isaac was the son of Abraham, one of the wealthiest people in the East at that time. Abraham was probably a trader who had a huge extended family and an incredibly large amount of livestock and flocks. Isaac would receive all this through inheritance. His was a busy and full life – leading his family and managing his entourage at this nomadic time in history.

Despite his incredible workload, Isaac made time to get out of the tent, away from the family, and to ‘walk and meditate in the field’. Why would he do this? Because he understood the importance and the value of meditation. Good things come from solitude, quiet, and stillness.

The Hebrew word for ‘meditate‘ means to muse, to ruminate, to ponder, to analyze, to contemplate thoughtfully, to reflect, to consider deeply, and to imagine. It involves a focus on BEING or reflection, not just endless DOING or activity.

Today meditation is often referred to as ‘mindfulness‘ and it is an antidote to our activistic culture with its constant high speed, multi-tasking, and tendency to skim and hurry through everything. Not only is it practiced as an aspect of spirituality, but it is also being encouraged in the arenas of sport, business, health, and personal development.

Mindfulness is about being fully present at this moment, rather than stressing over the past or the future. It helps to cultivate a greater degree of awareness (learning to SEE) and attentiveness (learning to HEAR).

Why not take some time today to meditate. Set aside some extended time and space of NOT DOING. Find a pleasurable environment. Then adopt a posture of ready attention – without preoccupation or distraction. Focus on your breath, an inspirational quote, or a sacred text or Psalm.

Be still and know that I am God

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know

Be still

Be

Psalm 46:10.

You might enjoy reading the poem Morning Moments slowly at this time.

Quiet your busy mind. No rush. Wait. Listen. Look. Notice. Observe. Think. Meditate. Practice mindfulness. Have a time of Reflection. It will enrich your soul and enhance your personal well-being.

Let’s reclaim the lost art of meditation.

Mark Conner Current Issues, Personal Development, Spirituality

Threshold Times

Good morning from Melbourne! It’s getting a little cooler here as Autumn kicks in (or is it Winter already!?). I love this season, especially the beautiful autumn leaves everywhere. Walking each morning and evening in the nearby Edinburg Gardens with my lovely wife and our quirky pugalier is a highlight of my day.

Today begins another week in lockdown for us – our 6th week, I believe. There is talk of easing the restrictions … but who knows how long we will have to continue to bunker down. Other than missing connecting personally with family and friends, I have really enjoyed the gift of time that this coronavirus pandemic has forced on us. Time to be at home – less rushed, less travel, more cooking, and more time to read and reflect.

All sorts of questions emerge for me:

  1. I wonder what life will be like on the other side of this?
  2. Will we all simply go back to ‘normal’?
  3. OR will life be different? Interestingly, according to a recent survey, only 9% of Britons want to return to life as it was!
  4. What do I want to be different?
  5. What did we learn from this crisis?
  6. What new opportunities have emerged that need embracing from these turbulent times?
  7. What values do I desire to more firmly live out going forward?
  8. How will my relationships be different?
  9. How will my work (or study) life change, if at all?
  10. What new habits will I seek to reinforce?

In many ways, major life and societal interruptions (or disruptions!) like this can be times of significant transition. Could this even become a major threshold – for you, for me, and for all humanity? I sure hope so.

Four years ago today, I read about the concept of ‘threshold’ from Irish poet and author John O’Donohue. I copied his thoughts into my journal at the time and they became very significant for me. I was on the precipice of stepping out into an entirely new world (refer to my poem The Great Unknown and One Year On). As I read his words again this morning, I noted how true they are … and even more so for me today.

I share these thoughts with you below and I hope they may be insightful for you at this time. Is it time to walk through the wardrobe into a very different tomorrow? Is it time for you to cross the threshold?

To Cross The Thresholds Worthily: When A Great Moment Knocks On The Door Of Your Heart

It remains the dream of every life to realize itself, to reach out and lift oneself up to greater heights. A life that continues to remain on the safe side of its own habits and repetitions, that never engages with the risk of its own possibility, remains an unlived life. There is within each heart a hidden voice that calls out for freedom and creativity. We often linger for years in spaces that are too small and shabby for the grandeur of our spirit. Yet experience always remains faithful to us. If lived truthfully and generously, it will always guide us toward the real pastures.

Looking back along a life’s journey, you come to see how each of the central phases of your life began at a decisive threshold where you left one way of being and entered another. A threshold is not simply an accidental line that happens to separate one region from another. It is an intense frontier that divides a world of feeling from another. Often a threshold becomes clearly visible only once you have crossed it. Crossing can often mean the total loss of all you enjoyed while on the other side; it becomes a dividing line between the past and the future. More often than not the reason you cannot return to where you were is that you have changed; you are no longer the one who crossed over. It is interesting that when Jesus cured the blind man, he instructed him not to go back into the village. Having crossed the threshold into vision, his life was no longer to be lived in the constricted mode of blindness; new vision meant new pastures.

Today many people describe themselves as “being in transition.” In a culture governed by speed, this is to be expected, for the exterior rate of change is relentless. This “transition” can refer to relationships, work, and location; or more significantly, to the inner life and way of viewing the world. Yet the word transition seems to pale, functional, almost inadequate and impersonal, and does not have the same intensity or psychic weight as perhaps the word threshold evokes. The word threshold was related to the word thresh, which was the separation of the grain from the husk or straw when oats were flailed. It also includes the notions of entrance, crossing, border, and beginning. To cross a threshold is to leave behind the husk and arrive at the grain.

John O’Donohue

(To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings)

Mark Conner Current Issues, News, Spirituality

Kobe Bryant Among Those Killed in a Recent Helicopter Crash

This time last Monday morning, I checked the news headlines on my phone. I read the top news release: “Kobe Bryant and his daughter killed in a helicopter crash.” What a shock! I have been an avid basketball fan since I lived in the USA back in the 1970s. I have followed the National Basketball Association (NBA) ever since. Growing up, my favourite player was Michael Jordan, probably the greatest player ever to play the game. I played basketball for many years including with my two sons. To this day, we love to watch the NBA together and see the latest teams and players compete.

Kobe Bryant was the Michael Jordan of this generation, having won many NBA titles and Most Valuable Player (MVP) awards. I watched him play on TV many times and admired his amazing skill, intense passion, and relentless drive to win (referred to as ‘the Mamba Mentality’).

Kobe was only 41 years of age and his daughter, Gianna, was 13 years old. Seven others were also killed in the tragic crash. At times like this, there is grief, sadness and loss. It is so hard to know what to say. Tributes flow in from everywhere – friends, associates and family. But the shock is there. Lives cut short. Death. It is so final. Our hearts go out to the family and friends of all those killed in this fatal accident.

Having lost my own father and step-mother in the last 18 months, death and funerals have been a part of our lives of late. Late last year, I participated in a radio interview on the topic of “What happens when I die?’ [My wife saw the humour in the social media advertisement that read, “What happens when I die with Mark Conner?”] Look out for the interview airing soon on radio as part of ‘Bigger Questions‘ with Robert Martin. Also, if you didn’t get a chance, you may be interested in my BLOG post on “What happens after death?” which I wrote after my step-mother’s funeral.

At the very least, sudden death is a reminder to all of us to make every day count and to be fully present each moment. And be sure to express your love and appreciation for the special people in your world. Love them while you can.

Mark Conner Spirituality

Trust the Slow Work of God

I love this prayer I came across recently by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. It really spoke into my life experience and I hope it does to yours. May we truly be patient with the journey of our lives, trusting the slow work of God.

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient in everything,
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip, the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown,
something new.

And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability —
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;
your ideas mature gradually — let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense, and incomplete.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955) was a French Jesuit priest, theologian, and paleontologist. In his prolific writings, he tried to integrate theology, science, and spirituality. His mystical vision of the world, which considered matter and spirit a unified reality, has captured the imagination of believers for decades.
Mark Conner Poetry, Spirituality

God’s Love for Me

One of the most well-known Jesus stories is his interaction with a Samaritan woman at a well, as recorded in the Gospel of John. This woman had come to draw water from Jacob’s well. She was alone and it was midday. This was probably due to her ostracisation from her local community due to her many broken marriages and the fact she was now living with someone who was not her husband.

During their conversation, Jesus said to her, “If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water” and then, “Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst—not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.”

I love that metaphor of an artesian spring, gushing fountains of endless life. What we long for is not ‘out there’ nor is it something we need to work for (like using a bucket to slowly draw water from a very deep well). It’s right ‘in here’, inside of us and it is a spring in which the water is already flowing. There is nothing we need to DO. Only ‘receive’. The initiative is God’s, not ours.

Jesus paints a vivid picture of God as a generous, giving God. Do we know this? Really know it? Even to those of us who know we are not worthy? Just like to this woman, Jesus offers us fresh, living water – a free, unearned gift of grace, quenching or satisfying our inner thirst.

My prayer for you today is that you will know God’s love for you deep inside. Drink it in and drink deeply. There is an endless supply of LIFE available to you right now. You will never lack. ALL you need is right inside of you – a generous gift from God.

Here is a poem I wrote about God’s love recently …

Feel the overflowing love
The energy of life
Coming my way
From the heart of God

Giving, reaching
Pouring out
Pouring in
God’s love

Goodness and mercy
Pursuing me
Everywhere I go
All the days of my life 

No need to fear
God’s presence promised 
Creator, Redeemer
Maker, Father

Created for His glory
Formed by him
Made by him
Loved by him 

All things working for good
God’s purpose and plan
Providence at work
In all, through it all

I am God’s beloved
Precious in his sight 
Worth more than the world
Called by name

I am loved

‘God’s Love for Me’ by Mark Conner
Mark Conner Quotes, Spirituality

Praying

I came across this short poem about prayer this week. I found it quite profound.

It doesn’t have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try
to make them elaborate, this isn’t
a contest but the doorway into
thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

Mary Oliver, Thirst: Poems by Mary Oliver
Mark Conner Contemporary Culture, Current Issues, General Interest, Personal Development, Religion, Spirituality, Theology

A Map of Life’s Journey

In a few months time I will be 58 years of age. As I grow older, I find myself reflecting more on my life. Where I’ve come from, where I’ve been, where and who I am now, and where I am going. I also observe other people in their own journey as they seek to make sense of this amazing gift called ‘life’.

I read a few intriguing personal news items these last few weeks (see more below). After doing so, I sketched out the following stages as a sample map of life’s journey. Here is what I observe.

1. Construction

We all grow up in a context – a family, a country, a village or tribe, a set of values, and for many, a religious belief system. This is the ‘construction’ we emerge within. There are shapes, lines, borders, and boundaries that we learn to live and move within. Other people created this construct for us. Often they are the influential people in our life or our environment. It’s what we inherit we when start out on our journey.

2. Conversion

At some point, as we grow up, we start to find ourselves. We determine what we believe and what is true for us. For many people, there is a sense of conversion, where we embrace our world because it works for us. This conversion may be dramatic and at a specific point of time. Or it may be less spectacular and more gradual in its emergence. This is where we identify with who we are, based on the construct we have grown up within.

3. Questions and Doubts

[NOTE: There are people who stop after the first two stages mentioned above and they are content with those experiences … for the rest of their lives. They never doubt or question. Life and faith works for them. They can also tend to view people at the following stages as ‘backslidden’, ‘apostate’, or never ‘saved’. After all, where you stand determines what you see.]

For many other people, questions and doubts emerge. They start to critique the construct they have grown up within and even their conversion experience(s). This often occurs as a result of meeting other people who live outside of their construct and from hearing stories of other worlds and other world-views (belief systems).

For those who have grown up within a Christian environment or construct, the questions frequently centre around perplexities such as the existence of hell, why there is suffering in the world, the exclusivity of the Christian faith, the reliability of the Bible, the historicity of the resurrection of Jesus, and the marginalisation of LGBTQIA+ people.

4. De-Construction

As a result of the questioning and doubts, many people start to de-construct the world that other people handed them. They begin pulling out some of the Jenga blocks other people gave them. Even those passed on from parents, teachers, and authority figures. After a while, the construction starts to sway and some of the blocks topple … and for some, the whole construct comes tumbling down to the ground … with an almighty crash!

5. De-Conversion

Some people move into de-conversion after a time of de-construction. They don’t believe what they used to believe. What was once true for them isn’t true anymore. They would be hypocritical to continue to declare allegiance to the construction that no longer feels like home to them. They have changed. They have moved. Reason has triumphed over past faith.

Recent examples of people who have arrived at this stage of de-conversion include Joshua Harris, a best-selling Christian author, and Marty Sampson, a well-known worship leader from Hillsong. They are not alone … or new. Consider the intriguing de-conversion stories of people such as Charlie Templeton (peer to Billy Graham), Dan Barker and John Loftus … if you dare.

Other people skip this step altogether and move from de-construction straight into re-construction.

6. Re-Construction

Now, a time of re-construction begins. It’s time to build a new world with what truly has meaning, value, and truth to us. We begin to think for ourselves. We choose to be authentic about what we believe, apart from what others have told us we should believe. This new construction may include some aspects, beliefs and values from our past. These are now seen from a new perspective. It also includes new things that weren’t part of our past at all. This can be quite scary … and liberating.

Summary

I am still learning and researching this. I am listening to other people’s stories and reflecting on my own life journey. This is not a linear process. Life is far more circular, unpredictable, and random. Nor is it everyone’s story. Not everyone goes through each stage on this map. Nor do they identify and understand each stage. But someone does.

A few final reflection questions:

  1. What stages of this map of life’s journey do you identify with? Where have you been?
  2. Where are you now?
  3. Have you ever had questions and doubts about your inherited construct? How have you processed these? Were you given permission to lean into them or were you shamed for experiencing them?
  4. Where do you see the other important people in your life right now?
  5. How do you handle or cope with people at different places than you?
  6. How can we better truly listen to and understand other people’s stories more deeply … without judging or trying to ‘fix’ them?
  7. What emotions does this discussion about a map of life’s journey evoke for you? It is resonance, dissonance, fear, anxiety, annoyance, anger or excitement and hope?

I’d love to hear from you. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below. If you can’t see the Comments section, click on the title of this BLOG post then scroll down to the bottom off the page.

Mark Conner General Interest, Personal Development, Spirituality

Seasons (Part 5)

One final reflection … (read Seasons Part 1 for background).

Endings Make New Beginnings Possible

Once Paul and his team had said their goodbyes, they were on their way … to Jerusalem then Rome (Acts 21:1), where he would spread the good news of Jesus even further, as well as speak to kings. Good days were ahead for him but none of this would have happened without the ending in Ephesus. Endings do make new beginnings possible.

Some chapters need to be closed before a new chapter can be written. Death is a necessary prelude to resurrection! Jesus’ life is a pattern for our life too. Some things must die so new things can grow. Endings can be opportunities for a new future. Today may be the enemy of your tomorrow. The tomorrow you envision may never come to pass if you do not end some things you are doing today. To get to a new level, a new tomorrow, or the next step, something has to end. What’s in your hand that you are holding on to that is hindering you from receiving the new things God has for you?

“True life success is doing the very best you can at where you are now then not being afraid to end that and take the next step. The endings and the great beginnings are somehow linked together. You can’t have one without the other.” Henry Cloud.

“Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Roman philosopher Seneca

“On the spiritual journey … each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around – which puts the door behind us – and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls.” Parker Palmer

It’s been just over two years since I made a major change in my life and vocation. It involved everything we have talked about – a significant ending, letting go of the past, and grief. But despite all of this and the adjustments it has involved, Nicole and I are loving this new season of our lives. We are experiencing so much joy. I am finding my new montage of contributions meaningful and fulfilling – speaking and training others, coaching people, writing, and spending more time with my family than I have been able to for so many decades. I sure don’t miss the constant pressure and burden of leading a large, complex organisation. I am so glad I recognised the need for change and had the courage to launch out into the great unknown. No regrets!

Final Comments

What is God up to right now in your life journey? Are you experiencing a new beginning, an in-between time, or an ending? What has ended for you? What needs to end for you? Are you “stuck in a moment”, feeling paralysed (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually), unable to move, comfortable and content with a certain attitude or outlook? Could Someone be calling you to stand up, take up your mat, and move to a new place?

Is there a new opportunity awaiting you that will only come after a door closes (an ending)? Is there something you need to let go of, that is hindering you from receiving the new things God has for you? Maybe it is bitterness, resentment, anger, regret, guilt, shame or grief. Is it time to move on?

All the best with the seasons of your life!

P.S. If you found this series of BLOG posts helpful, you might enjoy hearing the message I gave back in 2015 where I first shared these reflections. It is called “Seasons” and it is now available on my podcast.

Mark Conner General Interest, Personal Development, Spirituality

Seasons (Part 4)

Here is my next reflection … (read Seasons Part 1 for background).

Endings Involve Grief

As Paul left Ephesus, not only were their final words and prayers, there were also tearful and painful good-byes, knowing they would never to see each other again. In the Message Bible, Eugene Peterson translates this moment this way:

“Then Paul went down on his knees, all of them kneeling with him, and prayed. And then a river of tears. Much clinging to Paul, not wanting to let him go. They knew they would never see him again — he had told them quite plainly. The pain cut deep. Then, bravely, they walked him down to the ship.”

Acts 20:36 – 21:1.

We experience grief anytime there is a loss in our lives. Even good changes involve loss – leaving the past behind. Grief includes a range of emotions: sadness, disappointment, frustration, and even anger at times. Usually there is process that includes initial shock, eventual acceptance, then letting go, followed by reaching out to a different future. We need to take time to be grateful and to grieve our losses.

Nicole and I have had to grieve many losses over the years – of some hopes and dreams, of homes we loved, of positions held, of opportunities, of communities and teams we have been a part of, of family members who have passed on, and of friends. Letting go of what is comfortable and familiar is not easy. There have been tears and some painful moments. It’s been incredibly hard at times … but that is part of this journey called life.

Henry Cloud encourages ‘metabolising’ endings for our benefit. We ingest life experiences like we ingest food. Keep what is usable to you and eliminate what is not. Talk it out, cry if you have to, feel your emotions fully, express them, forgive, then let it all go … after you have given it adequate attention (not denial). Only then will you be ready for whatever is next.

In his excellent book, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, author William Bridges notes that it is often not the endings that do us in, it is the transitions. Transitions involve the emotion of change during the in-between times, like a trapeze artist hanging in the air! This can be exciting, yet frightening. In these liminal spaces, nothing is familiar or normal. [Some of you might be interested in a book Nicole recently contributed a chapter to called Neither Here Nor There: The Many Voices of Liminality.]

  • What losses have you had to face? Name them and go gently with yourself. All losses need to be grieved appropriately.
  • What has not changed for you? Identity the continuities.
  • In non-Western countries, they often take weeks or even months to grieve the death of a family member loved one. What can we learn from this practice?
  • Reflect on an ‘in-between time’ in your life where you found adjusting to change extremely difficult. What was most helpful during this time?

Read Part 5.

Mark Conner General Interest, Personal Development, Spirituality

Seasons (Part 3)

Here is my next reflection on Paul’s transitioning from the city of Ephesus where he had spent the last three years of his life (read Seasons – Part 1).

Endings Require Us to “Let Go” of the Past

Moving on, required Paul to let go and the church at Ephesus to let him go too (Acts 20:36-37). Saying “good-bye” like this is never easy (Acts 20:25). They actually clung on to him, not wanting him to leave. Why? Because most of us don’t like change … unless we are initiating it. In fact, by nature, most people resist change. It’s difficult and we experience it as an unwelcome intruder into our life. We prefer to be in control and operate in familiar terrain. We tend to hold on to the past rather than let it go. But we can’t freeze this moment forever or go back to the way things were. Things change and that means letting go of what was.

Could it be that you are nearing an ending and coming to a time of letting go? Nothing lasts forever. Life is about growth and growth requires change. Not every problem can be solved. Not every chapter has a happy ending. Some things need to die so that others can be born. Resurrection life only comes after death.

Signs of a possible ‘ending’ nearing may include loss of passion, loss of motivation, or simply an unsettled feeling (restlessness) or a calling to something else. This requires much discernment, courage, a great deal of wisdom, and possibly some difficult conversations. Do you simply hold on through the current storm, hoping things will get better, or is it time to acknowledge an ending has arrived? To give up hope when there is victory in sight is a mistake but to hang on to false hope is a fantasy that can end in dismal failure. Admit it when more effort will not bring about a different result.

Henry Cloud writes,

“Those with greatest difficulty abandoning things are often those unable to face reality. Understand the lifesaving virtue of hopelessness. Get hopeless about what will not work.

Hope is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. With hope, we can endure almost anything. Hope keeps us going … and that is the problem. When it comes to seeing reality, almost nothing gets in the way like a hope distortion, in ether direction. Sometimes, people keep hoping in spite of a clear reality staring them in the face.

A desire without adequate grounds is merely a wish. Hope is not a strategy. In the absence of real, objective reasons to think that more time is going to help, it is probably time for some type of necessary ending.

If you are in a hole, rule number one is to stop digging.

Get to the virtue of hopelessness by seeing that there is no reason to believe that tomorrow is going to be any different than today. You will finally have gotten to reality. It is hopeless to continue to do what you are doing, expecting different results. The right kind of hopelessness gets us on the right track.

While hope is a great virtue, hope in unreality is not. Sometimes, hopelessness is the best virtue to have, because it can finally get you to the pruning moment.”

From his book “Necessary Endings“.

I found these insights incredibly helpful when I was processing my own decision to make a significant vocational change just over 2 years ago now. It was hard and uncomfortable. It took time to process and there was a lot of wrestling inside my heart and mind. Gaining clarity was a long process.

Interestingly, the apostle Paul took time to seek God and read his own heart. Luke tells us this: “We went on ahead to the ship and sailed for Assos, where we were going to take Paul aboard. He had made this arrangement because he was going there on foot (Acts 20:13).” Although he had eight other comparison on his journey (Acts 20:4), Paul chose to walk alone on this segment of the journey. This was a 32 kilometre walk for him. Was it on this walk that he decided it was time to say a final goodbye to those in Ephesus and move on (see Acts 20:1 then verses 17-22)? Maybe he was preparing his final speech. Either way, he took time to breath in some fresh air under open skies in an environment of solitude and space for thinking.

Walking is a great way to reflect and think about our life. Solitude helps us to turn down the noise of everyone else’s opinions and the clutter of the many distractions all around us. Is it time for you to take a long walk and think about the season you are in and whether an ending is coming in some area of your life? Is there something you need to ‘let go’ of? Could it be an unhealthy relationship, a dead-end job, a home that no longer serves your needs, a ministry that no longer stirs your passion, or the security that hinders you from the adventurous mission God is calling you to?

Read Part 4.