Category: Think About It

Take a moment to think about the person who has had the greatest positive impact on your life. I’m sure someone is coming to your mind right now – maybe it is a teacher, a coach, a team member, someone from your family, or a friend. Now ask yourself why you chose them. What was it about them?

I’ve done this exercise with hundreds of people and the results are always the same. It’s very rarely talent, achievement or knowledge that impacts us the most. It is always the character of the person – qualities such as their care, their personal interest, their integrity, their passion, their example, or their persistence.

This should be a big lesson for us. After all, your greatest impact will be WHO YOU ARE, not what you do or what you know. Sure, skill, success and education are worth pursuing BUT they will not be the cause of our greatest influence.

As you go through your day and mix with the people around you, think about the kind of person you are. The good news is that you can become a person of impact by developing the same qualities that influenced you.

Impact … Think about it. 

There is a lot of talk today about leadership and management. Both are important but what is the difference?

There is a story I heard many years ago that really helped me:

There are this group of people cutting through a jungle. The managers are there co-ordinating everything – the rosters, machete sharpening, the drinks breaks, mosquito spray, sun lotion, first aid. It’s all happening. The leader is the person who climbs a tree, looks around and shouts, “Oops, wrong jungle!” But the managers say, “But, we’re making such great progress!”

You know, you might be moving along really fast … but if you are going in the wrong direction, it doesn’t help.

It’s so easy to be ruled by the clock – how fast we are moving. Every now and then we need to take out a compass – and check our direction.

Management is very much about efficiency (“doing things right”) while leadership is about effectiveness (“doing the right things”).

Is it time for you to climb a tree? What direction is your life going, your team, your family, your business, your career?

Leadership … think about it.

Have you ever seen someone who is really good at what they do? We’re talking about excellence. It can be quite inspiring, even breath-taking.

Of course, when we see someone who excels at what they do, we don’t see the process or the journey over time that they took to get there.

Former NBA basketball coach Pat Riley once said, “Excellence is the gradual result of always trying to be better.” I like that.

I remember when I first played the piano for our church youth group. I had music in front of me and God help the meeting if the fan blew those sheets of music away. I did this many times then eventually learned to just keep an eye on the chords rather than all those individual notes. After doing that many times, I eventually memorised the music and could actually look around the room and see, “Ah, there are people here!”

Don’t focus so much on where you are today with your talents and abilities OR on someone who is way ahead of you. What is your next step? What could you do to take some steps of improvement in the next few weeks? Keep doing that, and before you know it, you too will be excelling at what you do.

Excellence – think about it. 

Some of life’s BIG questions include: “Who am I?” “What is the meaning of life?” “Where am I going?” and “What am I here for?”

That last question is an important one. It taps into our purpose, our calling, our life contribution, our vocation. After all, everyone wants to be useful. No one wants to be useless.

And I’m not talking about just having a job so you can pay the bills and have some money to spend on the weekend.

Deep inside very human being is a longing to make a difference in the world. To do something … significant. Sure, not everyone will be prominent, but we can all make a unique contribution to society. That can be quite rewarding and fulfilling.

So how do we know our life purpose?

A few extra questions can help: “What are you good at (your talents and gifts)? What do you love to do? What makes you angry? What does the world need?”

It’s worth taking some time to reflect on questions like this because we only have one life to live. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is the real thing!

Vocation – think about it. 

One of the most powerful things you can give another person is the gift of empathy.

I remember hearing a story about a man sitting on a train, reading his newspaper when another man came on to the train and sat right next to him. He slouched and closed his eyes, as if to shut out the world. He had two young children with him who proceeded to run around the train, disturbing everyone in sight.

The man couldn’t believe it. Why didn’t this man control his children? Eventually, when his annoyance reached a certain level, he said, “Excuse me sir, why don’t you stop your kids from running around?”

The man slowly came to and said, “I’m sorry. We just came from the hospital where their mother died. I don’t know what to do and I guess neither do they.”

Talk about a paradigm shift! In a moment, this man’s emotions moved from anger to empathy.

It is so easy to judge. Empathy means to stand in someone else’s shoes and see life from their perspective.

In your next conversation with someone, trying asking this question: “Help me understand …”

Empathy … think about it. 

I’ll never forget having lunch with a friend a few years back. As we sat down, I asked him how he was going. “Awesome” was his answer and he went on to tell me about a bunch of good things happening in his life at that time.

Then he asked me how I was doing. I thought for moment – “Will I go with ‘Awesome’ or will I be honest?” I decided to be honest and so I said, “Yeah, not the best. I’ve had a few challenges lately.” And I began sharing some of things I was facing at that time.

The tone of the conversation completely changed. In fact, when I was done, he said that actually he wasn’t doing that well either.

You know, the degree of openness in a relationship determines the degree of intimacy or closeness. Have you got someone in your life who ever asks you, “How are you doing … really?” and has the time to listen? That’s so important.

Of course, through vulnerability we can contribute to the deepening and strengthening of any friendship. There is a time to be real, to take off our masks, and our ‘image management’ efforts.

Vulnerability – think about it.

Each year a new word is added to the English dictionary. A few years back, in 2013, it was the word ‘selfie’. Yes, there is nothing like a good ‘selfie’ taken with your mobile phone and maybe even with a selfie extension.

On a recent overseas trip, my wife and I had a 24-hour layover in Beijing, China. We decided to tour the city. Our final stop, on what turned out to be a really hot day, was the Great Wall of China. We took the chair lift to the top, then climbed 100s of steps to one of the towers. The view was amazing. I decided to take a 360-degree panorama video with my phone. After we were back in our car on the way to the airport, my wife started showing me her photos. Then I showed her my video. Unfortunately, without realising it, I had my phone in ‘selfie’ mode – so all I had to show for my time visiting one of the wonders of the world, was a 20 second video of my ugly, unshaven, sweaty, sunburnt face! How embarrassing.

Hopefully, when your life is over it wasn’t one big selfie! Rather, let’s look around to the world around us and seek to make a positive difference – for others.

Selfie. Think about it …

Have you ever fallen flat on your face? Have you ever disappointed yourself, others or God? Maybe it was a sin, a mistake or a personal failure. For some reason, you didn't live up to your own expectations or promises.

We have all experienced this, at one time or another. Sometimes, over-confidence, arrogance and pride are the catalysts. At other times, they are not.

When personal failure occurs, we experience guilt, embarrassment and at times shame. Guilt is the result of a convicted conscience. It is usually specific and aimed at a response which usually includes feeling bad (genuine sorrow) and positive change (doing something about what we have done). Once we do so, guilt has done its job.

In contrast, shame is this general bad feeling that moves us from “I did something wrong” to “I am a bad person”. It involves an ongoing feeling of condemnation and self-loathing, with a general sense of not being good enough. Shame is very harmful and creates a feeling of unworthiness. This often leads to destructive and negative behaviours.

The good news is that despite our faults and failures, Jesus is willing to forgive us and free us from both guilt and shame.

Think about it. This is Mark Conner.

Have you ever thought about your conscience?

I once heard a story of an American Indian who gave a great definition of what a conscience is. He said our conscience is like a small wooden triangle on the inside of us. When we do something wrong, it turns and scrapes the sides and we feel some pain. If we ignore it, however, over time, the edges of that wooden triangle eventually wear off and when we do something wrong, it spins, but we don’t feel anything anymore.

How profound.

You know guilt can be our friend. It is trying to get our attention – telling us that something needs our response. Guilt is always very specific and is aimed at us taking action to fix a certain situation. Once we do so, it has done its job.

The apostle Paul once said he always endeavoured to live with a ‘clear conscience’. What he meant was that every day he tried to make sure that there was no offence between him and God or him and others that he hadn’t attended to. No wonder he was able to go through life with so much peace … and joy.

Guilt … think about it. This is Mark Conner.

I think we all understand the importance of our attitude. After all, life isn’t so much what happens to us as much as how we respond to it. Our attitude determines so much of who we become and what we are able to achieve in our lives.

Of course, everyone has times when they feel bad or down. A good attitude doesn’t prevent this from happening but it can stop us from getting stuck during those times.

The key thing is to realise that we are responsible for our attitudes.

I remember one Saturday morning, one of our kids, who was young at the time, burst into our room and said, “Dad, someone wet my bed!” I tried not to laugh but gently said, “I think you were the only one in your bed last night.” “No dad, it wasn’t me. Someone else did it.”

You know, we can all be a bit like that. Our attitude stinks … but, of course, it’s someone else’s fault.

You know, the sooner we admit it, the quicker we can clean up the mess and get on with our day.

Attitude … think about it. This is Mark Conner

Have you noticed the increase in demand for fields such as counselling, coaching and mentoring over the last few decades? There is something highly beneficial about talking with someone else about what is going on in your life, especially what is happening on the inside of you.

It is sometimes referred to as “externalisation.”

The story is told of Einstein going for a walk with a friend. At the time, he was struggling with a problem he couldn’t solve. In the process of telling his friend about it, he ended up getting an idea about how to fix his situation so he ended up heading home, exhilarated by the conversation.

Sometimes the very process of talking about our challenges can be part of us overcoming them … or at the very least surviving them. It might be through literally talking to ourselves, or writing our thoughts in a journal then reading them over, or talking to a professional. That act, in of itself, can be therapeutic and even enlightening.

Is there something you need to talk out? Find a safe person and share what’s happening inside of you. I think you’ll be glad you did.

Externalisation … think about it. This is Mark Conner

Have you been on an aeroplane lately? Before the plane takes off there is always a safety spiel – which we all pay close attention to. Right? Right.

The instructions always include something like this:

“In case of an emergency, an oxygen mask will fall down from above you. Put it on yourself before assisting others.”

Have you ever thought about that? It sounds a bit selfish doesn’t it. If it was a Christian flight, you’d think it would say, “Put it on your neighbour first!” But no, ‘self-care’ is primary. Why? Because if you aren’t breathing, you are of no use to anyone else.

In life, I have found that a lot of people I know give the best of their energies to serving or helping others – which is a good thing. But the flip side is that in the process we can easily ignore taking care of ourselves, thinking that it is ‘selfish’. We end up tired, stressed, anxious, grumpy and maybe even a bit burnt out. Then we aren’t much use to anybody.

The truth is that the best gift you can give other people in your life is YOU being a healthy person – in good spirits and in love with life.

“Self care” … think about it. This is Mark Conner

Think for a moment about ‘atmosphere’. Every room has an atmosphere – it could be bright or dark, hot or cold, pleasant or smelly. So does every family, every team, every school, and every workplace. That atmosphere is usually the composite result of the people in that group or of its strongest influencers.

Two particular instruments deal with atmospheres.

First there is a thermometer, which measures the temperature of a particular room. If the room is hot, the thermometer goes up. If the room is cold, it goes down. It is a reactive instrument.

Then there is a thermostat. In contrast to a thermometer, it is a proactive instrument. If the room is hot, it can cause it to cool down. If the room is cold, it can help warm it up.

What about you? Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?

I want to encourage you to be a thermostat, someone who knows how to help cool down a situation that has become heated (you know what I am talking about!) and someone who knows how to warm up a situation that has become cool or even icy (again, you know what I am talking about!).

Influencer – think about it. This is Mark Conner

Generally speaking, there are two types of people in the world – pessimists and optimists.

Pessimists:

• believe that bad events will last a long time,
• imagine the worst,
• tend to see themselves and situations as ‘helpless’ give up more easily,
• tend to ‘awfulise’ and ‘catastrophize’, turning mere setbacks in disasters, and
• are more stressed than the average person,

Optimists:

• see bad events as temporary and surmountable,
• are happier,
• and more content then other people,
• have greater coping skills,
• achieve better than pessimistic people, 
• their health is unusually good, and 
• they age well and live longer.

Of course, unrealistic optimism can be dangerous. Optimism must be balanced with reality. Otherwise you will end up in denial. However, after decades of research, not one good thing is able to be said about pessimism!

So we can see that our mind (or our habits of thinking) has a powerful influence on our body, our mood, and our entire life. That’s because there is never a thought without a consequence. And if the thought is optimistic, the consequences are better.

Optimism – think about it.

Every one of us has a story to tell. 

Your life is your story. Your story is your life. 

Like a story, your life has a beginning, a middle, and an ending. There is a theme, characters, subplots (work, family, health, happiness, friendship), trajectory, and tone.

 What kind of story is your life?

• A comedy?
• A drama?
• A thriller (horror) movie?
• A romance or a love story?
• An action movie?
• A fairy tale?

In reality, each of our life stories is an EPIC. It’s a long journey with many scenes, experiences, twists and turns, characters, and smaller individual story lines.

I wonder what is the ‘theme’ of your life? Yes, life has many twists and turns, as well as highs and lows, many of them beyond our control BUT you can choose what the theme of your life is going to be. You are not a victim to your circumstances or to what other people say or do. You can choose how you respond to what comes your way. Don’t make worry, fear, anger, or bitterness the theme of your story. Why not choose joy?

Your Story – think about it.