Mark Conner Family

My Scottish Roots

According to a DNA test I did with Ancestry a year or so back, I am 64% Scottish. I always knew I had Scottish relatives on my mother’s side (see my BLOG post on ‘Douglas‘) but I had no idea the Scottish roots were this strong. As a result, I’ve been doing some more research into my family tree and also reading about Scottish history. My favorite book right now is How the Scots Invented the Modern World.

Say hello to my great grandmother – Mary Grace Michael (above/right). She was born in 1849 in Ullapool, Scotland. Below is a picture of Ullapool today in winter. How beautiful it looks. I hope to visit there one day.

Mary immigrated to Australia from Scotland with her family back in 1852 – a long, grueling 97-day trip on the ship Wanata. She was only 3 years of age. Sadly, she lost her younger sister, Janet, one of 33 children and 6 adult deaths, during the voyage, due to typhus fever. The ship was in quarantine for 2 weeks anchored off St. Kilda.

Mary’s father, William Michael (left), was a shepherd who lived and worked in the Scottish Highlands, just outside of Ullapool, before immigrating to Australia. I wonder if he and his family were affected by the Highland Clearances that took place from 1750 – 1860.

At age 18, Mary married my great grandfather, James Douglas. Together they raised 12 children and ran a farm in Woodstock, west of Bendigo. Tragically, James died suddenly of blood poisoning at age 59, leaving Mary to raise their 6 sons and 6 daughters and run the farm. She lived till age 71. 

I would’ve loved to have sat down with Mary and hear more of her story. Nevertheless, her life inspires me today.

I wonder what stories of courage and resilience are in your family heritage that you can draw strength from today?

Mark Conner Family

The Douglas Family

Lockdown is a good time to catch up on a bit of family history …

Say hello to my great-grandfather and my great-granduncle, James and John Douglas.

Looking like something out of Peaky Blinders, I can still see some family resemblances 🙂

Both were born in County Down, east of Belfast in Northern Ireland (an area settled by the Scotts in the 1620s). In their early 20s, back in 1864, they sailed on the “Great Britain” from Liverpool to Melbourne (a 90-day trip).

This was the time of the Victorian gold rush. They both ended up buying land west of Bendigo to farm on. That’s where my mum, Joyce Douglas, was born.

I would have loved to have sat down and had a good yarn with James and John. Nevertheless, you’ve got to admire their courage. They inspire me.

“A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” John A. Shedd.

NEXT: My Scottish Roots.

Mark Conner Family, Special Events

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy father’s day to all the dads out there. Becoming a father is one of the true joys in life. Let’s take time to thank, honour and appreciate all the dads in our life today.

This picture is of 3 of my fathers. In the middle is my dear dad, Kevin Conner. He never knew his father but did his best to be the father he never had to Sharon and me. I miss him. To the right is Richard Holland, a spiritual father to me who always believed in and encouraged me as long as I can remember. To the left is Len Meyer, my father-in-law. He doesn’t like attention. But he is one of the kindest, smartest, humblest, and most generous people you will ever meet. Love you, Opa!

Mark Conner Family, Relationships, Special Events

The Love of a Mother

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day, a century-old tradition of taking time to thank and honour our amazing mums. Mums are special people we owe so much to – in addition to our very existence! Most mums are faithful, loyal, hard-working, loving and caring people. We honour and applaud them today. Of course, Mother’s Day brings a variety of emotion with it – gratitude, if you had a great mum, some sadness and pain if you had a difficult or absent mum, and grief if you wanted to be a mum but haven’t yet been able to have children. 

My Mother

My mother was Muriel Joyce Conner (nee Douglas). She was born in Bendigo and grew up there on a sheep farm before meeting my dad and moving to Melbourne. She was a very warm and caring person. I am so thankful for her love and the constant encouragement she gave me as a boy growing up. I miss her hugs and our many conversations together. She passed away suddenly in October, 1990 (see “My Encounter with Grief“).

Kevin and Joyce Conner – Photo taken in Portland, Oregon in the 1980s.

Your Mother?

What was your mother like? Mothers are highly influential people but no mother is perfect. Ideally, they provide care, love, nurture and protection for their children, but that isn’t always the case. In their recent book, Our Mothers, Ourselves: How Understanding Your Mother’s Influence Can Set You on a Path of a Better Life, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (best-selling authors of Boundaries) unpack how our mothers shape us – for better or worse, including describing different types of mothers and styles of mothering. These include the Phantom Mum, the China Doll Mum, the Controlling Mother, the Trophy Mum, the Still-the-Boss Mum, and the American Express Mum. It is easy to dismiss the past, but even as adults we need to understand our mother’s pervasive influence on our life.

No matter what our mother was like, we need to give them love and respect, gratitude, and forgiveness. In addition, we need to “leave” appropriately and be who we are, severing that umbilical cord of dependence, as it were. Then we return, hopefully as friends.

The Art of Mothering

All mothers should seek to be the best mothers that they can be. This includes making a choice to:

  1. Love unconditionally. True love is not just an emotion but is an act of will to do what is best for another person, regardless of what they are like. Kids aren’t perfect yet they need to know they are loved … no matter what. 
  2. Affirm frequently. Words are powerful (Proverbs 18:21). Use them for good – to build up your children (Ephesians 4:29). Children thrive under encouragement, affirmation and praise.
  3. Instruct clearly. Establish clear expectations and consequences, then follow through consistently. Teach desired behaviour (what) and the values behind it (why). Example is essential (kids do what they see), as is a loving relationship. 
  4. Discipline lovingly. Loving discipline is about giving appropriate consequences for disobedience, not abuse or harsh, angry punishment.
  5. Empower fully. As children grow and mature, empower them more to make their own decisions and be responsible for their own lives. Our kids are really not ours. We don’t own or possess them. They are gifts …. loaned for a time. Help them become who they were designed to be. Don’t project your own wishes on them. Then trust God and let go of any unnecessary guilt or condemnation for the choices they may choose to make. 

God as Mother?

Sometimes mums can find it difficult to see themselves as a reflection of the image of God. This may be because of the number of male references to God in the Bible, such as ‘king’ or ‘Father’. But God is not male! God created women so if he was a man this would be impossible because we all know that men know nothing about women! 

God is Spirit. He transcends gender yet includes what we know as male and female. Men and women were both created in God’s image. God has both masculine and feminine qualities, including motherly traits of caretaker, comforter and nurturer (see Isaiah 42:14; 49:14-16; 66:13. Hosea 13:8. Matthew 23:37). That’s why it takes both men and women to reflect God accurately.

Mums – like all women, you are made in the image of God. You reflect his nature and his characteristics … even in the mothering of your children. Walk with a sense of dignity and honour. You matter … just because of who you are.

Reflections Questions

  1. What does Mother’s Day mean to you?
  2. Think about your own mother. What are you thankful for? What was difficult?
  3. Reflect on the “art of mothering”. Reflect on how God is the model of the perfect parent. 
  4. Consider the feminine aspects of God’s nature – love, care and nurture. Why do we struggle with seeing God this way? What do we miss out by thinking of God only in male images?
  5. Reflect on the life of Mary, the mother of Jesus. What can we learn from her? A few years back, I shared a message on “Jesus and His Mother“. You can listen to the message on my podcast (also available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify) or watch the message.
  6. Finish by saying a prayer for all of our family relationships. 
Mark Conner Family, General Interest, Personal Development, Relationships

The Blessing of Giving

Jesus said and did many things, a lot of which is recorded in the four Gospels of the New Testament. But not everything Jesus said and did was written down (see John 21:25). The apostle Paul rarely quoted Jesus, but one statement that must have been passed on to him through ‘oral tradition’ (it’s not recorded in the Gospels) is Jesus saying this:

“It is more blessed to give than receive.” NIV

“You are far happier giving then getting.” The Message Bible

“More blessing come from giving than receiving.” CEV

Acts 20:35.

Paul used this statement as the foundation for his life of generosity. In the city of Ephesus, where he had lived and ministered for three years, he had worked hard with his own hands – to meet his own needs and to help other people (see Acts 20:32-38).

Jesus is saying that we are far happier, better off, fortunate, and blessed when we are in the giving mode than the receiving mode. This sound unnatural, doesn’t it, even counter-cultural!?

Well-known Jewish psychologist, Martin Seligman, an influential leader in the positive psychology movement, tells a story in his book on Learned Optimism about lecturing students in university on the subject of happiness. He gave them an assignment of doing two things during the week – (1) something pleasurable for themselves (e.g. eat a hot fudge sundae, or see a movie) and (2) something for others that had no personal benefit (e.g. work in a soup kitchen, give flowers to someone, or help an elderly person across the street). They were to measure their emotions before, during, and after these two seperate events.

The students returned from their assignments and unanimously noted that when doing something pleasurable for themselves there was a sudden spike of positive emotion that quickly faded away. However, when they did something for others, their positive emotions built up toward the event and then lingered long after.

They could have saved all the work by just listening to Jesus! Yes, it is true – we are far happier when we are giving out to others than when we are self-obsessed. It’s a fact of life.

In what ways are we happier giving than receiving? That was the subject of my message at One Community Church last weekend where I spoke on this teaching of Jesus. You might want to listen to the audio online (26 minutes) OR check out my new podcast. Enjoy!

Finally, may you find great joy in looking out for others this coming week and serving them in love. You will be glad you did.

Mark Conner Family, Humour

Kid’s Humor (Part 2)

Children-laughing-together
I love kids. Especially their sense of humor.

No wonder Jesus loved them too. I love the story about Jesus and some children that is recorded in the Gospel of Mark (10:13-16) …

“One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch them and bless them, but the disciples told them not to bother him. But when Jesus saw what was happening, he was very displeased with his disciples. He said to them, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you, anyone who doesn’t have their kind of faith will never get into the Kingdom of God.’ Then he took the children into his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them.” [NLT]

Here are some of my favorite kids’ letters to the pastor.

  • “Dear Pastor, I’m sorry I can’t put more money in the offering, but my father didn’t give me a raise in my pocket money. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my pocket money?” Patty (10)
  • “Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell him or does he read about it in the
    newspapers?” Marie (9)
  • “Pastor, I know God loves everybody but he never met my sister.” Arnold (8)
  • “Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won’t be there.” Stephen (8)
  • “Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.” Ralph (11)

Enjoy 🙂

Mark Conner Family, Humour

Kid’s Humor (Part 1)

Laughing_kids
I hope you had an enjoyable Father’s day a few weeks back. It’s a happy day for many people as we take time to thank and honor our dads. But not for all. Maybe you always wanted to be a dad but it hasn’t happened OR you had an absent or abusive father OR maybe you didn’t even know your dad. That can be hard. May you know God’s comfort and strength.

My dad is 91 years of age now and he grew up in a Salvation Army boys home, never knowing his dad or mum. That was incredibly difficult for him but after he married my mum he tried to be the dad he never had to my sister and me.

When our kids were little, when father’s or mother’s day came around one of them was bound to say, “When’s kids day??” Of course, I told them that every day was kid’s day. I love children – their sense of wonder, their frequent laughter, and even their mischievousness.

I thought today I would post a few funnies from the kids of this world … enjoy!

Kid’s Doctrine – taken straight from Sunday Schools around the world:

  • “The first book of the Bible is the book of geniuses in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.”
  • “Noah’s wife’s name was Joan of Arc.”
  • “Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.”
  • “Samson slayed the Philipines with the axe of the apostles.”
  • “Unleavened bread is bread that is made without ingredients.”
  • ” Moses went to the top of Mount Sianide to get the 10 commandments and the seventh one is, ‘Thou shalt not admit adultery’.”
  • “Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.”
  • “Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.”
  • “The people who followed Jesus were the 12 decibels.”
  • “The epistles were the wives of the apostles.”
  • “A Christian should only have one wife. That’s called monotony.”

[Source: Unknown]

Mark Conner Books, Family, General Interest, Personal Development

NEW Book Release: “Money Talks: Practical Principles for Becoming Financially Free”

Money Talks - Cover (International Version)I am excited to announce the release of a new book I have written called Money Talks: Practical Wisdom for Becoming Financially Free. 

Those of us who live in the Western world live in some of the richest countries on the planet yet, despite this fact, many people are under financial pressure. In this book, I share practical principles for becoming financially free and living wisely with the resources we have. Learn fresh insights about earning, saving, investing, debt reduction and spending wisely. The book also includes extra material on alleviating poverty, church finances, fundraising and the purpose of business.

For those who live in Australia, you can order a paperback copy from WORD Australia for the special price of $15.00 (RRP $17.99). 

OR you can purchase it in eBook format for Kindle, or other eReaders, on the Australian Amazon site (for AUS $11.99).

OR, if you live in a country other than Australia, you can purchase the international edition in paperback format on Amazon (US $12.99) or in eBook format for Kindle also on the USA Amazon site (for US $9.23) or 10 other Amazon sites around the world (check your locality).

Some Endorsements:

“Countless books on how to use money compete for readers. It is easy to find complicated ones. It is common to find those that just promote getting rich, even by so-called Christians. There are plenty of theoretical studies that are hard to apply and how-to-manuals not based in good theory. But where does one find a short, practical, biblically grounded, clearly written little book that addresses all the important questions about using money in Christian ways with up-to-date charts, graphs and statistics to back everything up? Mark Conner has now written it. Get a copy. Devour it. Then live it out.” 

Craig L. Blomberg, Distinguished Professor of New Testament. Denver Seminary, Littleton, CO

“It is often not productive to ask pastors for their views on finance or financiers for their views on pastoral care. It is therefore very refreshing to read Mark Conner’s ‘Money Talks: Practical Principles for Becoming Financially Free’, which blends the insights of the pastor with the practical applications of someone who has thought carefully about the power that money has over us. He tackles the biblical road map to freedom in financial matters with a persuasive skill and hands on application.”     

Ken Costa, Author: God at Work

"Mark Conner has a wealth of experience when it comes to the vital subject of how Christians should handle their money. In this practical guide to saving, spending and giving, he helps us view our finances from God's perspective. He eloquently explains where our hearts should be focussed and offers biblical financial principles that stand the test of time. It's a timely antidote to this age of conspicuous consumption." 

Tim Costello, Chief Advocate, World Vision Australia

"Mark Conner has written a fantastic book about money and generosity. Many today are looking for wisdom to help us navigate the tensions we face in income inequality, stewardship and wealth, and to reflect the heart and wisdom of Jesus when it comes to our resources. Theologically strong, yet immensely practical, Mark does this so well. I highly recommend this book to you.” 

Jon Tyson, Church Planter and Author. Church of the City New York

“Mark Conner’s capacity as a leader is only outweighed by his honesty, big-heartedness and integrity. In the chapters of this book we see his authenticity jump off each page. “Money Talks” is not only accessible and well researched – it is REAL! His down to earth teaching is heaven sent – a balm for the fiscally frazzled!” 

Rob Buckingham, Senior Minister, Bayside Church Melbourne

“This is a timely and significant book about managing our money well. Mark provides practical ideas to help us improve our thinking about money as well as our daily practices. This book is a great read!”     

Lisa McInness Smith, Global Keynote Speaker. Best-Selling Author. Transformational Coach

“In the time I have known Mark, his strength of character, leadership and deep understanding of biblical teachings have had a profound impact on my life. Mark’s ability to translate complex issues into simple and actionable disciplines is a rare gift, and it is one that he delivers in a deeply personal and authentic way. One of the many principles that Mark has taught and practiced both in his personal life and church leadership role, is financial freedom. As a student of Mark’s teaching, I have witnessed individuals and families transform their financial situations from being hamstrung with credit card debt to owning their own properties and running successful businesses. With the wisdom contained in these chapters, I am confident that reading this book will challenge your perspective on biblical stewardship and provide you with the tools to achieve true financial freedom.”

Dan Daniels, Founder and Global CEO Daniels Health

“Finances can be the F word for many of us, but Dr Mark Conner is a person to trust when it comes to making sense of financial headaches. From million dollar budgets in some of largest churches to standing with people living in extreme poverty, Mark has seen it all. With 7 in 10 people currently living on less than $10 a day and disparity between rich and poor creating global instability, this book could not be more urgent or important. This book will especially help us Christians in rich countries to take stock, pray, think and find imaginative ways to be a solution to injustice in the world by making the most of God’s resources at our disposal. Please read this practical, prophetic book and act on Mark’s advice. It will help us all.”
 
Rev Dr Ash Barker, Director, Newbigin School for Urban Leadership (NewbiginHouse.uk)
Mark Conner Family, Leadership, Relationships

Think Win/Win

WinIn his best selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey noted that when it comes to healthy relationships, mature people think “win/win”.

Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all situations, agreements and solutions. With a Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and are committed to the action plan – there is something in it for everybody and everybody wins. Win/Win sees life as a co-operative, not a competition. One person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others – it’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a higher way.

It helps to avoid alternative approaches such as:

1. Win/Lose – “If I win, you lose.”  Most people see life in terms of dichotomies: strong/weak, big/small, master/servant, win/lose etc.  Our society is structured around this type of thinking.  In families where there is conditional love children are taught that life is about comparison with someone else or against some standard.  In peer groups children are taught that acceptance is based on conformity to a standard or norm.  At school there is a grading system which compares each child to the other and determines which is the better.  In business, we operate in a “dog eat dog” environment where there is only room for the survivor at the expense of all others.  In our pastimes such as sport there is only a prize for the winner. Unfortunately, most of the quality we want in our lives depends on our co-operation with others not on whether we or they are better.

2. Lose/Win – “I lose, you win.”  People who think lose/Win are usually quick to please. They seek strength from popularity or acceptance.  They have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions and are easily intimidated by others.  In negotiations, Lose/Win is seen as giving in or giving up.  In leadership style, Lose/Win is permissiveness or indulgence, being “Mr Nice Guy” even if nice guys are walked on.

3. Lose/Lose – Some people are so centred on an enemy, so totally obsessed with the other person’s behaviour that they become blind to everything except their desire for that person to lose, even if it means losing themselves. Lose/Lose is the philosophy of war. “If I can’t have it, then neither will they.”

4. Win – People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose – what matters is that they win.  This is probably the most common approach to everyday negotiation.  Win thinking is in terms of securing your own ends and leaving others to secure theirs.  “Look out for No. 1”

5. Win/Win or No Deal – This is a higher expression of Win/Win which says that if we can’t find a solution that would benefit us both then we agree to disagree agreeably – No Deal.  With No Deal as an option, you are liberated because you are able to say that it would be better not to deal than to live with a decision that isn’t right for us both.  If you can’t reach a true Win/Win, then No Deal is better.

Which option is best?

The most effective option depends on the situation:-

  • Win/Lose – This might be used to stimulate business
  • Lose/Win – If you value a relationship and the issue isn’t important.
  • Win – If someone’s life is in danger etc.

However, in most situations the best result will be achieved with a Win/Win approach – particularly when there are people and relationships involved (interdependence). 

Jesus himself taught that we should think about how other people like be treated then grab the initiative and treat them that way (Matthew 7:12). That's win win!

Mark Conner Family, Relationships, Special Events

Happy Mother’s Day (2016)

Happy-Mothers-Day-Flowers

[Watch this message]

It’s Mother’s Day: a century-old tradition of taking time to thank and honour our amazing mums. Mums are special people we owe so much to – in addition to our very existence! Most mums are faithful, loyal, hard-working, loving and caring people. We honour and applaud them today. Of course, Mother’s Day brings a variety of emotion with it – gratitude, if you had a great mum, some sadness and pain if you had a difficult or absent mum, and grief if you have lost your mum or wanted to be a mum but haven’t yet been able to have children.

Our Mothers

What was your mother like? Mothers are highly influential people but no mother is perfect. Ideally, they provide care, love, nurture and protection for their children, but that isn’t always the case. In their recent book, Our Mothers, Ourselves: How Understanding Your Mother’s Influence Can Set You on a Path of a Better Life, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (best-selling authors of Boundaries) unpack how our mothers shape us – for better or worse, including describing different types of mothers and styles of mothering. These include the Phantom Mum, the China Doll Mum, the Controlling Mother, the Trophy Mum, the Still-the-Boss Mum, and the American Express Mum. It is easy to dismiss the past, but even as adults we need to understand our mother’s pervasive influence on our life.

No matter what our mother was like, we need to give them love and respect, gratitude, and forgiveness. In addition, we need to “leave” appropriately and be who God has called us to be, severing that umbilical cord of dependence, as it were. Then we return, hopefully as friends.

The Art of Mothering

All mothers should seek to be the best mothers that they can be. This includes making a choice to:

  1. Love unconditionally. True love is not just an emotion but is an act of will to do what is best for another person, regardless of what they are like. Kids aren’t perfect yet they need to know they are loved … no matter what.
  2. Affirm frequently. Words are powerful (Proverbs 18:21). Use them for good – to build up your children (Ephesians 4:29). Children thrive under encouragement, affirmation and praise.
  3. Instruct clearly. Establish clear expectations and consequences, then follow through consistently. Teach desired behaviour (what) and the values behind it (why). Example is essential (kids do what they see), as is a loving relationship.
  4. Discipline lovingly. Loving discipline is about giving appropriate consequences for disobedience, not abuse or harsh, angry punishment.
  5. Empower fully. As children grow and mature, empower them more to make their own decisions and be responsible for their own lives. Our kids are really not ours. We don't own or possess them. They are gifts …. loaned for a time. Help them become who God has designed them to be. Don’t project your own wishes on them. Then trust God and let go of any unnecessary guilt or condemnation for the choices they may choose to make.

[More BLOG posts on parenting: Wisdom for Parents, Parenting Teenagers, Damaging Parenting Styles and Some Thoughts on Parenting. There are many good books on parenting but I especially encourage you to check out The Parenting Book by Nicky and Sila Lee]

God as Mother?

Sometimes mums can find it difficult to see themselves as a reflection of the image of God. This may be because of the number of male references to God in the Bible, such as king or Father. But God is not male! [God created woman so if he was a man this would be impossible because we all know that men know nothing about women!] God is Spirit. He transcends gender yet includes what we know as male and female. Men and women were both created in God’s image. God has both masculine and feminine qualities (see Isaiah 42:14; 49:14-16; 66:13. Hosea 13:8. Matthew 23:37). He has motherly traits of caretaker, comforter and nurturer. That's why it takes both men and women to reflect God accurately. Mums – you are made in the image of God. You reflect his nature and his characteristics … even in your mothering of your children. Walk with a sense of dignity and honour. You matter … just because of who you are!

Reflection Questions

  1. Reflect on the life of Mary, the mother of Jesus. What can we learn from her?
  2. What does Mother’s Day mean to you?
  3. Think about your own mother. What are you thankful for? What was difficult?
  4. Review the five suggested tasks in the “art of mothering”. Reflect on how God is the model of the perfect parent.
  5. Consider some of the feminine aspects of God’s nature – such as love, care, nurture, and protection. Why do we sometimes struggle with seeing God this way? What do we miss out by thinking of God only in male images?
  6. Finish by praying for all of our family relationships.

See also: Jesus and His Mother.

Mark Conner Bible, Family

Jesus as a Child

Jesus

Luke gives us some interesting insight into Jesus' self-perception … as a 12 year old.

Luke 2:41-52. Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.” “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he was saying to them. Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. NIV

We don’t know a lot about Jesus’ childhood or his life before the age of 30 when he began his ministry. We do know that he grew up in a family with other brothers and sisters and he became a carpenter, a trade he learned from Joseph. It appears that sometime between the age of 12 and the beginning of his ministry, Joseph died, as he is never again mentioned with the other members of Jesus’ family. Jesus’ childhood appears to have been very normal like any other Jewish boy of the time.

Jesus at twelve years of age is one year away from accountability as a Jewish boy. At the age of twelve, the instruction of boys became more intensive in preparation for the recognition of adulthood. The Bar Mitzvah of modern times, however, post-dates the time of Jesus by 500 years.

What can we learn from this narrative about Jesus?

1. Children can know God personally.

Jesus at the age of twelve already had a relationship with God to the depth of knowing that God was his Father. This reference to his Father infers an close, personal relationship to God that is foundational to his life (c.f. Luke 10:21-22). This also implies a sense of personal intimacy, identify and significance for Jesus, even as a child.

2. Children can understand spiritual things.

Jesus is among the teachers of the temple – listening, asking questions and giving replies. Even at a young age, he has an amazing knowledge of and ability to engage in spiritual things. Already, he values the pursuit of knowing God and his ways in the world. Children love to laugh, play and have fun but don’t under-estimate their capacity to know and experience God also.

3. Children can know their life purpose.

At the age of twelve, Jesus knew that his life was to be about “his Father’s business”, that he would one day give his whole time and energy to the Father’s work on earth. Yes, he would have to wait for God’s timing and prepare for 18 more years, but this sense of destiny was already there. 

Early on, Jesus understands that he is called to do his Father’s work. Jesus explains his call in his own words and it reflects his self-understanding. He is always about the things of the Father, then and now. In his humanity, he resisted the urge to selfishness and focused on carrying out God’s will for his life.

However, Jesus' ministry has its proper timing and Jesus will wait to launch what he is destined to do. He is not impatient about starting his ministry and will wait until the time is right. He must, of course, wait until the forerunner comes, John the Baptist, before beginning his own task. 

The above description of Jesus didn’t just happen but was a result of his childhood years, which would have included input from family and friends, along with his own personal development.

May we as a community (comprised of parents, churches, community organisations and schools) seek to help kids come to know God personally, to understand spiritual things (God’s perspective on life), and to know their life purpose.

Mark Conner Current Issues, Family, Relationships

Responding to Domestic Violence

DV

Right now, our vision as a church is to see over 10,000 stories of transformation. Recently, we have had a number of moving stories about individuals coming out of domesitc violence situations. These are people who once felt isolated, hopeless, and helpless. Now they feel cared for and looked after. These stories provide hope for anyone affected by domestic violence.

Domestic violence (sometimes referred to as ‘family violence’ or ‘interpersonal violence’) is defined as “a pattern of coercive or controlling behaviour used by one individual to gain or maintain power and control over another individual in the context of an intimate relationship. This includes any behaviours that frighten, intimidate, terrorise, exploit, manipulate, blame, injure, or wound a person.”

It is estimated that at least 1 in 4 women is a victim of domestic abuse in her lifetime. There were 65,000 police reports of domestic violence in Victoria last year (almost double those reported in 2010). In Australia, the police deal with a domestic violence matter every 2 minutes. It can happen to anyone, regardless of your background.

“Violent abuse” refers to “using physical violence in a way that injures or endangers someone.” Physical assault or battery is a crime, as well as serveal other forms of domestic violence, whether it occurs inside or outside the family. The police have the authority and power to protect victims from physical attack. The victims of violent abuse have the right to protect themselves and their children.

Domestic abuse is dangerous in ALL its forms (not just physical violence) – including willful intimidation, sexual assault, stalking, verbal or emotional abuse, economic control, psychological abuse and isolation. Physical violence is sometimes easier to recover from than psychological or emotional injuries that cause a person to feel worthless. Threats of abuse can be as frightening as the abuse itself.

The Church

As a pastor, I need to confess that the Church, in general, hasn't always handled this issue well. We have often failed to believe that it can happen in Christian homes. There has been erroneous teaching about ‘submission’, ‘authority’, and ’obedience’ in the home, as well as misunderstandings about forgiveness and repentance. This has often created a culture of silence and acceptance. Here at CityLife, we are committed to doing a better job at helping to prevent domestic violence, confronting it when it does occur, and offering help to those involved – both the victim and the perpetrator.

Biblical Reflection

Central to the Christian message is that we believe in the good news of Jesus Christ. The Son of God took on human form, lived amongst us, so that we can have life, and life to the full! Any sort of abuse or violence hurts the heart of God. It is the very opposite of his sacrificial love. Abuse twists God’s good intention for marriage, the family and human relationships. God’s Word contains clear declarations against any form of physical or verbal abuse, including that of spouses or children. Psalm 11:5. “Those who love violence, God hates with a passion.” Instead, we are called to show kindness, generosity, and love to one another.

For Victims

If you are being abused, you need to know that abuse is not God’s will or part of God’s plan for your life. Enabling one person’s cruelty to another is not the will of a just and loving God. You don’t have to remain silent anymore. Please tell a friend, a family member, a pastor or ministry leader, or the authorities. You do not deserve this. It is not your fault. You are the victim of abuse and violence and it is wrong. You were created in the image of God and should be treated with dignity, love and respect You do not need to put up with it. It is not acceptable. If you don’t feel safe, please seek professional help in making a safety plan for yourself and the children. This may include leaving the situation or obtaining an intervention order. No person is expected to continue in an abusive environment.

For Perpetrators

If you are the one causing the abuse, you need to know that it is never okay to hurt or threaten to hurt anyone. Please get some professional help. Talk to someone you trust. Get some accountability.

CityLife Church

Domestic/family violence causes great damage in people’s lives. It has to stop. For anyone affected by domestic violence, we have counselors and pastors trained to be able to help you and offer support and strategies for you to move forward. Please call and ask for help.

Prayer

Father, you love us as your children and your desire is that our homes, our families, be places of love, care and encouragement – not places where we experience fear or abuse. I pray for wisdom and courage for those affected by domestic violence. Help them to take a step towards freedom today. For those caught in a cycle of abusing others, I pray that you would convict them and bring about change in their life. For us as a church, may we be a community of faith characterized by loving relationships. In Jesus name. Amen.

Continue reading “Responding to Domestic Violence” →

Mark Conner Current Issues, Family, Relationships

“Porn Kills Love” by Josiah Conner

We fight the drug of porn with the power of love

Ephesians 5:1-14

[Josiah Conner kicked off our Modern Family series last weekend with a message entitled "Porn Kills Love" (watch or listen). Here is a summary, along with some reflection questions]

Steak: We have taken the good gift of sex and turned it into something it is not.

Steak: food is for eating (we have twisted sex into something it isn’t).

1. Think about the ways that sex has been twisted away from God’s intention.

2. The dictionary defines pornography as: Sexually explicit writing, images, video, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal. Think about what kinds of pornography there are in our world.

3. Have a read of the statistics about pornography below. Consider whether these statistics are greater or lower than what you expected.

Scripture: The Bible tells us sex is sacred and is not to be cheapened.

The Bible is a book about God’s love for the world. Sex is a gift of God given with a purpose (Gen 1:26,31) but humanity through sin took it outside of its purpose. People tried to come back to God by their actions but it was the hearts that God was after (Prov 4:23, Matt 15:16-20, Matt 5). Sex is not just physical, it is spiritual (1 Cor 6:15-20, Eph 5:1-14).

1. Read through the Scriptures above. Reflect on why sex is more than just a physical act.

2. Do you think God or the Bible is against sex? 

Stats: Porn kills love

Here are some of the main ways that pornography kills love.

1. Brain: When we look at pornography it releases dopamine in our brain that rewires them to crave the feeling more and more. This is like taking drugs. We are the product of our habits (good and bad). Pornography becomes addicted to the good feelings of sex outside of the purpose in a loving committed relationship.

2. Relationships: Looking at pornography creates false perception of reality where we learn to expect what we see/read in pornography over real life. It creates distorted views of men and women. It decreases intimacy in marriage.

3. Injustice: participating in porn consumption creates the need for a system of injustice. While we may not be looking at the terrible aspects of pornography, they are all part of a system that makes abuse against women, child slavery and sexual abuse possible.

4. Spirit: porn pushes us away from the only one who can truly transform us. When you engage in pornography it pushes you away from God and community.

Are these statistics and consequences of pornography something you were aware of?

Shift: Fight porn with love

For those who are struggling here are some great next steps:

1. Choose: change starts with a choice. It may sound simple but what we tolerate we will never change. We need to make a conscious decision to change.

2. Talk: one of the great lies of the enemy is to make those struggling think they are the only ones struggling. We cannot do life on our own. We need community. As a church we need to create space for people to be real about their struggles and help lift one another up. (James 5:16)

3. Walk: Change your habits. There are some real practical ways you can change your habits. You can replace the bad habits with positive ones. Below are some great resources to assist your change

4. Journey: remember that change and growth is a journey. We are being transformed each day. Whatever our struggle, we must follow the example of Paul in Philippians (Phi 3:12-14) by forgetting what is behind and pressing on.

Response to Sin

How we respond to sin (of any kind) says a lot about our understanding of God and His grace. There are two extremes we want to avoid:

1. Rubbish: (kick someone while they are down). When someones is struggling we do not want to condemn them. If our first response to sin is retribution and not redemption than we are living under law and not grace.

2. Reinforce: (pretend it doesn’t matter). The other extreme is to overlook the sin. When we pretend sin doessn’t matter we cheapen the grace of Jesus.

The way that Jesus modelled is the best way to respond to sin (John 8)

3. Redeem (speak to the person they are yet to be). Jesus met people where they were but called them to something more. We want to speak to the potential in people. God met us at our worst and called children of God. We want to be a community that meets people wherever they are and calls them to their God given identity.

Recommended Resources

Mark Conner Contemporary Culture, Family

Looking for a Baby Name?

Baby-name-surprised

Looking for a baby name?

In 2014, around 1 in 10 Australian babies were given one of the Top 10 most popular baby names; a total of 30,581 babies. There were more than 2,189 boys named Oliver and 1,796 girls names Olivia last year. 

Keeping the top spot from 2013 is Oliver, the top boy baby name in Australia for 2014 having overtaken Jack and William which were 1st in 2011 and 2012 respectively. 

Oliver was the top boys’ name in all 6 states (NSW, VIC, QLD, SA, WA, TAS) while William was the top boy baby name in the 2 territories (NT, ACT).

There were 230 more instances of Oliver than William, an increase on the margin of 37 from 2013. In 2014, there were 2,189 boys named Oliver, 1,959 named William and 1,841 named Jack which is a decrease for both William and Jack on 2013. 

Olivia, with 1,796 occurrences is the top girl baby name in Australia for 2014, taking the top spot from Charlotte which is now in 2nd place. Charlotte was the most popular girls’ name from 2011-2013 but has now fallen behind by 123 occurrences.

Olivia was the most popular baby girls’ name in the three most populous states (NSW, VIC, QLD) while Charlotte was top in SA, TAS and NT with the names Emily and Amelia being the most popular in WA and the ACT respectively. 

Top 10 Boys' Name Trends and Insights

Although Jack is no longer the top choice for the top boy baby name, it is currently in 3rd place and sitting in 5th place is Jackson/Jaxon/Jaxson. This underlines the fact that the strength and popularity of the name still exists since combining the totals of those names would put it in 1st place, almost 1,200 occurrences more than Oliver. 

9 out of the top 10 boys’ names held onto their top 10 ranking with Cooper dropping 7 spots from 10th in 2013 down to 17th in 2014 and Alex/Alexander rising from 15th to 9th during the same time period. None of top 5 names changed positions but James and Ethan both dropped 2 places with Thomas and Lucas both rising up the chart. 

Top 10 Girls' Name Trends and Insights

All of the top 10 girls’ names from 2013 have held on to a top 10 ranking in 2014. Olivia, Mia, Amelia, Sofia/Sophia and Sophie all improved on their 2013 ranking with Charlotte, Ava, Emily and Ruby being the ones which have dropped. Chloe was the only name to retain the same ranking. 

8 New Boys' and 9 New Girls' Names Enter the Top 100

In 2014, 8 new boys’ names and 9 new girls’ names have entered the top 100 list. 

The names Harvey, Gabriel, Muhammad, Phoenix, Theodore, Maxwell, Carter and Fletcher have entered the list for the boys’ at the expense of Jesse, Seth, Parker, Darcy, Jett, Lewis and Jonathan. 

As for the girls; Frankie, Eleanor, Emilia, Hazel, Lexi, Elise, Sadie, Natalie and Lacey have entered the top 100 with; Samantha, Eve, Daisy, Nevaeh, Skye, Indigo, Caitlin, Leah and Mikayla dropping out of the list. 

Significant Leaps and Declines

Within the boys’ top 100 list, there are 18 names which have bettered their 2013 rank by 10 or more spots, 11 which have dropped 10 or more spots and 8 which have been unchanged. 

Maxwell was the most improved boys’ name, climbing 41 spots to 97th bellowed by Fletcher, up 26 spots to 99th and Harvey, up 20 spots to 84th. On the other end of the spectrum, Braxton has fallen 31 spots down to 77th followed by Mitchell, down 22 spots to 83rd and Nathaniel, down 21 spots to squeeze into the list in 100th position

In the Top 100 girls’ names, there were only 8 names which lost 10 or more spots and 13 which gained 10 or more with 10 keeping their position from 2013. 

Hazel gained a huge 63 spots to be 88th followed by Eleanor which increased a more modest 31 places to be 84th and Ariana, up 27 spots to 73rd. Chelsea and Amelie both dropped 15 places to be 64th and 95th respectively and Mackenzie and Eliza both dropped 14 places to be 56th and 81st respectively.

Choose wisely 🙂

Source: McCrindle Research

Mark Conner Current Issues, Family, Relationships

Say ‘No’ to Domestic Violence

Stop-domestic-violence
 
As a pastor and church leader, I have a confession to make:
 
The church has not handled the matter of domestic violence well.
 
Let me be more specific:
 
1. We have not done a good job of helping to prevent domestic violence, of confronting it when it does occur nor of helping those involved – both the perpetrator and victim.
 
2. There has been too much ignorance about the prevalence of domestic violence. Many church leaders have failed to believe that it can happen, even in Christian homes.
 
3. There has been much erroneous teaching about ‘submission’, ‘authority’, and ’obedience’ in the home. This has led to a culture of silence and acceptance..
 
4. Preachers have not taught on this subject nor referred to it enough in their messages.
 
5. Pastors and church leaders have not been equipped to address this matter (I can’t remember learning much about it in Bible College nor in seminary) nor have they equipped their congregation members with proper responses should domestic violence occur.
 
6. Pastors have often emphasised forgiveness and repentance at the expense of a person’s welfare and safety. For instance, a mid-1980s survey of 5,700 pastors in the USA revealed that 26% of pastors would advise an abused wife to continue to submit to their husband and trust God to honour her action (by either the abuse naturally stopping or giving her strength to endure). More shockingly, 71% of pastors said they would never advise a battered wife to leave or separate from their husband because of abuse. Clearly, greater priority has been given to keeping families together rather than ending the violence. 
 
Central to the Christian message is that we believe in the good news of Jesus Christ. The Son of God took on human form, lived among us, so that we can have LIFE (John 10:10)! Domestic violence not only causes great damage to the victim(s), it also hurts the heart of God because it is the very opposite of his sacrificial love and the abundant life he desires for us.
 
The Bible contains clear, unmistakable declarations against any form of physical, emotional or verbal abuse. It repeatedly calls on people to show kindness, generosity, and love to one another, and specifically condemns the abuse of wives and children. Domestic violence cannot be justified through the Bible and/or the Gospel of life and peace. The apostle Paul said: “As much as is possible, live at peace with everyone.” Sometimes, peace is no longer possible and immediate separation may be the safest and wisest option.
 
Every church needs to adopt a NO tolerance stance towards any and all acts of domestic violence. We need to recognise the serious implications and consequences of domestic violence. This issue needs to be addressed and spoken about more frequently in order to raise awareness and help people break through the fear barrier. Training needs to be provided for all church staff and leaders, as well as the preparation of helpful resources for assistance. Every church needs to be a ‘safe place’ for people to find support and care.
 
Personally, I don't have all the answers. There is a lot to learn. Our church pastors and counselors are dialoguing about this matter so we can become a greater help to families facing domestic violence as well as be able to continue to help build healthy, strong families where domestic violence is prevented. 
 
Please, join the conversation. Listen attentively. There is a lot of shame and fear involved with all of this. Speak up and speak out. Domestic violence has to STOP.
 
See also: Responding to Domestic Violence (June 2015)
 
 
Other Articles and Resources 

If you are in an abusive situation:

  • Contact the free DV hotline on 1800 656 463 (TTY 1800 671 442).
  • Walk into your local police station.
  • If you have been assaulted, call 000 immediately.