Mark Conner Relationships, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 46 – Feedback

One of the characteristics of wise people is that they are open to feedback. Feedback from other people can give us needed insight not only into our own lives but into any issue or challenge we may be considering. If you reject feedback, you will hinder your own personal growth.

All of us have things about ourselves that we are unaware of or don’t see. Only by being open to feedback from others can we learn about these areas and make positive changes.

Every one of us has weaknesses. Usually, other people see them before we do!

My theory is that the sooner I know about my weaknesses the quicker I can begin to work on them. So if my zipper is down – let me know! If I have cream on my face – tell me! Again, if I punch you when you give me feedback – how many know you’ll think twice about giving me feedback ever again!

Only people who are proud and arrogant assume that they are always right and other people are wrong – or at least misinformed.

Are you open to feedback? Are you teachable? Wise people are. What about you?

Learning to be open to and receive constructive feedback is vital for all healthy relationships.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food with Mark Conner YouTube channel.

Mark Conner Relationships, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 45 – Assertiveness

One of the keys to good relationships is learning to be ‘lovingly assertive’. Yes, it really is possible to be both ‘loving’ and ‘assertive’.

Some people tend to be ‘under-assertive’. They can’t set boundaries or limits. They can never say “no” … or at least not without feeling guilty. They are easily manipulated by stronger people. They are unable to express feelings of anger constructively. They avoid conflict situations. They are excessively apologetic. Then they tend to fantasize after conversations, replaying the situation over and over … thinking about all the things they wish they had the courage to say at the time.

On the other hand, some people tend to be ‘over-assertive’. They lack tact and sensitivity. They steam-roll people with their ideas and opinions, and they have a tendency to be autocratic (‘we’ll do it my way’). As a result, they end up hurting a lot of people.

Which way do you lean? Do you need to learn to be a bit more assertive? Not aggressive … but assertive?

Or do you need to be a bit more loving?

Why not make an effort to change … beginning today. Appraise assertiveness is essential for healthy relationships.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food with Mark Conner YouTube channel.

Mark Conner Relationships, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 44 – Friendship

Have you noticed that humans have an inbuilt longing for connection with other people? Of course, good relationships and friendships don’t just ‘happen’. They have to be cultivated and nurtured intentionally.

Each of us has various circles or levels of friendship.

• Acquaintances – these are the dozens and maybe even 100s of people you know but on a surface level.

• Casual friendships – these are the many people with whom you have common interests and activities. There is a basic level of openness.

• Close friendships – these are the people who are close and with whom you have common goals or interests.

• Intimate friendships – these are the few people you have a deeper level of connection, commitment, and trust with. You feel safe with them.

It’s important to choose the right friends, as they influence us probably more than anyone else. We easily become like those we hang around with.

You can’t just order a close friendship from a drive-through window. Friendships take time and effort.

We can all benefit from being friendly. As we reach out and make new acquaintances – out of these will often come close friends.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food with Mark Conner YouTube channel.

Mark Conner Relationships, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 43 – Apology

Have you ever had a conflict? Maybe a better question would be, “When was your last conflict?”

As we do life with other people it is inevitable that conflicts and disagreements will occur. How successfully we resolve those conflicts will have a big impact on our lives.

In most conflicts, there are wrongs on both sides. The trouble comes when we only focus on what the other person has done … rather than on our own contribution.

Let’s say for example, that you’ve just had a conflict with another person and they were 90% wrong and you were 10% wrong.

Don’t focus on their part; focus on yourself. Take care of your 10%. Learn to say a few powerful words – from your heart.

Firstly, “I’m sorry.” Those words can change an entire relationship. Then try this one, “I was wrong.” Finally, try this phrase, ”Would you forgive me?”

When we take responsibility for ourselves and respond to the heat of the moment with humility and kindness … the other person often softens and the conflict can more easily be resolved.

Yes, the art of making a genuine apology is essential for healthy relationships.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food with Mark Conner YouTube channel.

Mark Conner Relationships, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 42 – Encouragement

Someone once said that “encouragement is like oxygen to the soul”. Each one of us thrives in an environment of affirmation and encouragement.

In contrast, no one likes to be in an atmosphere where we are being torn down or ridiculed.

Come on … who likes to work for a boss who only speaks to them when they have done something wrong? Someone once called that ‘seagull management’. They flap in, dump on you, them fly out. Not a very pleasant experience at all.

So think about what you are doing to those around you. Are you encouraging them? Are you lifting them up with your words?

Occasionally, I’ll sit at a funeral and listen to the eulogy or the tributes that are given and often think, “I wonder if that person knew those things when they were alive?” Don’t wait until someone dies to tell them what you appreciate about them. Take the time now to express your love and your affirmation for them.

Don’t just think good things about people. People cannot read your mind. Take the time, write a note, make a phone call, send a text, tell somebody how much you appreciate them today.

Encouragement – it’s a vital ingredient of all healthy relationships.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food with Mark Conner YouTube channel.