Month: May 2019

One final reflection … (read Seasons Part 1 for background).

Endings Make New Beginnings Possible

Once Paul and his team had said their goodbyes, they were on their way … to Jerusalem then Rome (Acts 21:1), where he would spread the good news of Jesus even further, as well as speak to kings. Good days were ahead for him but none of this would have happened without the ending in Ephesus. Endings do make new beginnings possible.

Some chapters need to be closed before a new chapter can be written. Death is a necessary prelude to resurrection! Jesus’ life is a pattern for our life too. Some things must die so new things can grow. Endings can be opportunities for a new future. Today may be the enemy of your tomorrow. The tomorrow you envision may never come to pass if you do not end some things you are doing today. To get to a new level, a new tomorrow, or the next step, something has to end. What’s in your hand that you are holding on to that is hindering you from receiving the new things God has for you?

“True life success is doing the very best you can at where you are now then not being afraid to end that and take the next step. The endings and the great beginnings are somehow linked together. You can’t have one without the other.” Henry Cloud.

“Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Roman philosopher Seneca

“On the spiritual journey … each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around – which puts the door behind us – and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls.” Parker Palmer

It’s been just over two years since I made a major change in my life and vocation. It involved everything we have talked about – a significant ending, letting go of the past, and grief. But despite all of this and the adjustments it has involved, Nicole and I are loving this new season of our lives. We are experiencing so much joy. I am finding my new montage of contributions meaningful and fulfilling – speaking and training others, coaching people, writing, and spending more time with my family than I have been able to for so many decades. I sure don’t miss the constant pressure and burden of leading a large, complex organisation. I am so glad I recognised the need for change and had the courage to launch out into the great unknown. No regrets!

Final Comments

What is God up to right now in your life journey? Are you experiencing a new beginning, an in-between time, or an ending? What has ended for you? What needs to end for you? Are you “stuck in a moment”, feeling paralysed (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually), unable to move, comfortable and content with a certain attitude or outlook? Could Someone be calling you to stand up, take up your mat, and move to a new place?

Is there a new opportunity awaiting you that will only come after a door closes (an ending)? Is there something you need to let go of, that is hindering you from receiving the new things God has for you? Maybe it is bitterness, resentment, anger, regret, guilt, shame or grief. Is it time to move on?

All the best with the seasons of your life!

P.S. If you found this series of BLOG posts helpful, you might enjoy hearing the message I gave back in 2015 where I first shared these reflections. It is called “Seasons” and it is now available on my podcast.

Here is my next reflection … (read Seasons Part 1 for background).

Endings Involve Grief

As Paul left Ephesus, not only were their final words and prayers, there were also tearful and painful good-byes, knowing they would never to see each other again. In the Message Bible, Eugene Peterson translates this moment this way:

“Then Paul went down on his knees, all of them kneeling with him, and prayed. And then a river of tears. Much clinging to Paul, not wanting to let him go. They knew they would never see him again — he had told them quite plainly. The pain cut deep. Then, bravely, they walked him down to the ship.”

Acts 20:36 – 21:1.

We experience grief anytime there is a loss in our lives. Even good changes involve loss – leaving the past behind. Grief includes a range of emotions: sadness, disappointment, frustration, and even anger at times. Usually there is process that includes initial shock, eventual acceptance, then letting go, followed by reaching out to a different future. We need to take time to be grateful and to grieve our losses.

Nicole and I have had to grieve many losses over the years – of some hopes and dreams, of homes we loved, of positions held, of opportunities, of communities and teams we have been a part of, of family members who have passed on, and of friends. Letting go of what is comfortable and familiar is not easy. There have been tears and some painful moments. It’s been incredibly hard at times … but that is part of this journey called life.

Henry Cloud encourages ‘metabolising’ endings for our benefit. We ingest life experiences like we ingest food. Keep what is usable to you and eliminate what is not. Talk it out, cry if you have to, feel your emotions fully, express them, forgive, then let it all go … after you have given it adequate attention (not denial). Only then will you be ready for whatever is next.

In his excellent book, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, author William Bridges notes that it is often not the endings that do us in, it is the transitions. Transitions involve the emotion of change during the in-between times, like a trapeze artist hanging in the air! This can be exciting, yet frightening. In these liminal spaces, nothing is familiar or normal. [Some of you might be interested in a book Nicole recently contributed a chapter to called Neither Here Nor There: The Many Voices of Liminality.]

• What losses have you had to face? Name them and go gently with yourself. All losses need to be grieved appropriately.
• What has not changed for you? Identity the continuities.
• In non-Western countries, they often take weeks or even months to grieve the death of a family member loved one. What can we learn from this practice?
• Reflect on an ‘in-between time’ in your life where you found adjusting to change extremely difficult. What was most helpful during this time?

Read Part 5.

Here is my next reflection on Paul’s transitioning from the city of Ephesus where he had spent the last three years of his life (read Seasons – Part 1).

Endings Require Us to “Let Go” of the Past

Moving on, required Paul to let go and the church at Ephesus to let him go too (Acts 20:36-37). Saying “good-bye” like this is never easy (Acts 20:25). They actually clung on to him, not wanting him to leave. Why? Because most of us don’t like change … unless we are initiating it. In fact, by nature, most people resist change. It’s difficult and we experience it as an unwelcome intruder into our life. We prefer to be in control and operate in familiar terrain. We tend to hold on to the past rather than let it go. But we can’t freeze this moment forever or go back to the way things were. Things change and that means letting go of what was.

Could it be that you are nearing an ending and coming to a time of letting go? Nothing lasts forever. Life is about growth and growth requires change. Not every problem can be solved. Not every chapter has a happy ending. Some things need to die so that others can be born. Resurrection life only comes after death.

Signs of a possible ‘ending’ nearing may include loss of passion, loss of motivation, or simply an unsettled feeling (restlessness) or a calling to something else. This requires much discernment, courage, a great deal of wisdom, and possibly some difficult conversations. Do you simply hold on through the current storm, hoping things will get better, or is it time to acknowledge an ending has arrived? To give up hope when there is victory in sight is a mistake but to hang on to false hope is a fantasy that can end in dismal failure. Admit it when more effort will not bring about a different result.

Henry Cloud writes,

“Those with greatest difficulty abandoning things are often those unable to face reality. Understand the lifesaving virtue of hopelessness. Get hopeless about what will not work.

Hope is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. With hope, we can endure almost anything. Hope keeps us going … and that is the problem. When it comes to seeing reality, almost nothing gets in the way like a hope distortion, in ether direction. Sometimes, people keep hoping in spite of a clear reality staring them in the face.

A desire without adequate grounds is merely a wish. Hope is not a strategy. In the absence of real, objective reasons to think that more time is going to help, it is probably time for some type of necessary ending.

If you are in a hole, rule number one is to stop digging.

Get to the virtue of hopelessness by seeing that there is no reason to believe that tomorrow is going to be any different than today. You will finally have gotten to reality. It is hopeless to continue to do what you are doing, expecting different results. The right kind of hopelessness gets us on the right track.

While hope is a great virtue, hope in unreality is not. Sometimes, hopelessness is the best virtue to have, because it can finally get you to the pruning moment.”

From his book “Necessary Endings“.

I found these insights incredibly helpful when I was processing my own decision to make a significant vocational change just over 2 years ago now. It was hard and uncomfortable. It took time to process and there was a lot of wrestling inside my heart and mind. Gaining clarity was a long process.

Interestingly, the apostle Paul took time to seek God and read his own heart. Luke tells us this: “We went on ahead to the ship and sailed for Assos, where we were going to take Paul aboard. He had made this arrangement because he was going there on foot (Acts 20:13).” Although he had eight other comparison on his journey (Acts 20:4), Paul chose to walk alone on this segment of the journey. This was a 32 kilometre walk for him. Was it on this walk that he decided it was time to say a final goodbye to those in Ephesus and move on (see Acts 20:1 then verses 17-22)? Maybe he was preparing his final speech. Either way, he took time to breath in some fresh air under open skies in an environment of solitude and space for thinking.

Walking is a great way to reflect and think about our life. Solitude helps us to turn down the noise of everyone else’s opinions and the clutter of the many distractions all around us. Is it time for you to take a long walk and think about the season you are in and whether an ending is coming in some area of your life? Is there something you need to ‘let go’ of? Could it be an unhealthy relationship, a dead-end job, a home that no longer serves your needs, a ministry that no longer stirs your passion, or the security that hinders you from the adventurous mission God is calling you to?

Read Part 4.

Here is my second reflection on Paul’s life and the transition of seasons he was undergoing in leaving the city of Ephesus (read Seasons – Part 1).

Seasons are Marked by Endings and Beginnings

Paul felt an urgency that compelled him to leave Ephesus and go to Jerusalem, though he was completely in the dark about what would happen there (Acts 20:22). In fact, he knew there were hard times and imprisonment ahead (Acts 20:23). What mattered most was to finish what God had started through him – letting everyone know about this incredibly extravagant generosity of God (Acts 20:24). While with the church at Ephesus, Paul gave it all he had (Acts 20:18-21). He was with them totally, doing is best, giving his all (Acts 20:26-27, 31). But now he knew his time in Ephesus was coming to an end.

I know the feeling. I served on staff of a large church for 32 years – 22 years as the Senior Minister. I gave it all I had. I did my very best. But in the end, I was tired … I was spent and ready for a change. I had said and done everything I could and needed to. As I reflected personally and discussed this with my family over a period of time, I sensed that an ending was at hand. It was time to move on.

Life’s seasons are marked by endings and new beginnings. In fact, life is a series of endings, in-betweens, and beginnings, all interconnected. Examples include family changes (getting married, becoming a parent, a marriage breakdown, sickness, aging or death), school changes (from primary to secondary to university), work changes (career changes, downsizing, mergers, acquisitions, promotions or a new boss), house changes (moving, immigration, relocation), church changes (relocation, changing demographics) and ministry changes (transitions, relational changes).

Henry Cloud is his helpful book book Necessary Endings says:

“Endings are a natural part of life – we either face them, stagnate or die. Without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck and fail to reach our goals and dreams. Endings are crucial but we rarely like them. We naturally avoid them. That’s the problem. When endings are done well, the seasons of life are negotiated, and the proper endings lead to the end of pain, greater growth, personal and business goals reached and better lives. Endings bring hope. When done poorly, bad outcomes happen, good opportunities are lost, and misery either remains or is repeated … Endings are not failures or something to be avoided. Nothing lasts forever. Endings are normal. Life produces too much – more relationships, activities, clients, mentors, partners, strategies and stuff than we have time and room for. It it time for pruning? An ending does not mean you have failed. Avoid misunderstood loyalty and co-dependency. Insecurities and fears cause us to resist endings.”

The first half of life involves mostly beginnings. In the second half of life there are more endings and new beginnings. What endings have occurred for you that led to new beginnings? Make a list of them all. You’ll be surprised how many there are in life. What were these times like for you? What were the various feelings you had to navigate? How are you different now? What did you learn?

Read Part 3.

I love Autumn! It is one of my favourite seasons of the year. The somewhat cooler days, the clear blue skies, and the glorious colours of the leaves. Change is in the air. The cycle of life is moving forward.

Nicole and I moved back to Melbourne last May after 18 months of living in the Sunshine Coast. We love Queensland but one of the things we missed were the seasons. I remember Nicole saying to me one day after 6 weeks of continuous sunshine and 32 degree days – “I really miss the rain!” Then when we were driving into Victoria, the first thing we noticed were the beautiful autumn leaves everywhere. We were coming back ‘home’. Yes, we have fallen in love with Melbourne … again.

Our time away was vital for us. It was like a long drink at the fountain, a place to re-fresh and re-fuel, a time to re-calibrate and transition into this new chapter of our lives. I am deeply grateful for it. It was part of my ongoing metamorphosis – of becoming who I truly am, apart from the various roles and responsibilities I have had for so many decades.

Today, I want to review some thoughts I shared back in 2015 about ‘seasons’. Take some time to read the story of the apostle Paul when he was about to leave the church at Ephesus. It’s recored for us in detail in Acts 20:13-38. Here are my observations:

Life is a Journey with Many Seasons

Paul grew up as a strict Pharisee, committed to his Jewish faith and its legal requirements. After encountering Jesus on the road to Damascus (Acts 9), his life was radically changed and he became an apostle to the Gentiles, sharing the gospel of Jesus to people from every strata of society. He ended up basing at the church in Antioch from where he travelled out on a number of church-planting missionary journeys (Acts 13). Eventually, he re-located to Ephesus where he had three years of his most fruitful ministry. This episode in his life shows us his transition away from Ephesus towards his eventual destination of Rome, the centre of the Roman Empire.

Paul’s time in Ephesus was about to come to an end. His life, like ours, was a journey with many different seasons, a story with many different chapters, much like a movie with many different scenes. Time is a constant as everything continually moves forward and is continually changing. Today becomes yesterday and tomorrow becomes today … and more quickly as you get older! We can’t control or stop the seasons, which are under God’s control (Ecclesiastes 3:1). However, we can decide how we will respond to the circumstances and the seasonal movements in our life.

In his book The Making of a Leader, leadership expert Robert Clinton says that each person that God uses goes through a common journey with different phases – sovereign foundations, ministry maturing (a primary focus on ‘doing’), life maturing (a greater focus on ‘being’), convergence, and then afterglow. There are many tests and incidents along the way – both positive and painful. There is benefit in stopping and reflecting on your journey. Life is lived forward but often understood backward.

Take some time to reflect on your life. Look back … where have you come from, where are you now, where are heading? What is God up to? What are incidents that have shaped who you are today? What have you learned? What season are you in right now?

Experience isn’t the greatest teacher. It is only the experiences that you reflect on that have the potential to become insight.

Read Part 2 of this series of BLOG posts on ‘Seasons’.

P.S. If you haven’t already, have a read of my poem entitled ‘Seasons‘.