Mark Conner Personal Development, Spirituality

Navigating the Stages of Faith

A few years ago, I wrote about stages of the life of faith. I have been thinking about this again recently and I strongly believe that this is an insightful way to view our faith in and relationship to God. I have edited the number of stages and their names, as well as some of the descriptions as I prepare to speak about this at a church leaders' conference next week.

Personal and spiritual growth occurs over a period of time and always involves a process that is very much like a journey. Many people find it helpful to have a roadmap or at least a loose guide for their journey of faith.

Have a look at the following diagram … then read the descriptions below. 

Stages of Faith

Stages in the Life of Faith

Awareness. This is where we all begin our journey of faith. The experience of faith at this stage is the discovery and recognition of God. It is accepting the fact of the reality of God in our lives. Someone bigger than us really exists and truly loves us. This may occur in childhood or later in life as adults. For some people this is a very identifiable experience, like a moment in time where everything changes. For others, there is a gradual realisation, with no certainty as to just where or when the experience began. Either way, we simply ‘know’ that God is there. Factors contributing to this experience can be either a sense of awe or a sense of need in our lives. [See posts on Waking Up and Awareness]

Growth. This stage is about learning and belonging. We begin to learn, explore, absorb and put into place our set of beliefs or faith principles. In this stage we learn the most about God by association with others we respect and trust. We are apprentices. We need others because we are relatively unsure and insecure at first in our growth and what we believe. The group also provides a sense of belonging, which helps to alleviate some of our feelings of fear and even inadequacy that accompany the excitement of new learning. The group begins to give us a sense of identity and security. We start to feel at home, with family. We are loved and accepted, despite our struggles. It’s not always easy but we are with our kind of people. We have a sense of security and comfort in our faith.

Contribution. This stage is best described as the ‘doing’ stage as it is the period of time where we find ourselves most consciously working in service for God. It’s now time to give in return for all we have received. This is usually a very active stage of our journey. It is positive and dynamic, centred on being productive in the area of our faith. This stage nourishes us because it is so personally rewarding. It operates on goals and achievement, building and creating, which can be exciting, fulfilling, inspiring and fruitful. We start to feel unique within our community. We are taking on extra responsibility. We feel a degree of confidence because of our experience. Leadership may be part of this stage.

The Wall. Eventually we experience what can be referred to as "The Wall" – a face to face experience with God and with our own will. This stage is a deep and very personal inward journey. It almost always comes as an unsettling experience yet results in healing for those who continue through it. Until now, our journey has had a very external dimension to it – the community of faith, serving with our gifts, leading others, and productivity. Upon entering this stage, many people experience a period of questioning, exploring, doubting, and even uncertainty. This can be caused by a life or faith crisis. For the first time our faith does not seem to work the same as it has before and our answers seem inadequate, leaving us feeling quite vulnerable. Some people refuse to engage fully with this stage. Therefore, they become inadequate guides for others who enter this stage.

This time is a critical experience. It represents another layer of transformation and a potentially renewed layer of faith – for those who have the courage to move into it. We decide anew whether we are willing to surrender and let God direct our lives. This is a time of mystery and not something we can do through our own strength or wisdom. This is a pivotal moment. We are afraid, yet drawn to surrender, knowing it will not be easy, but that it will be worthwhile. We are dying to self and letting God be God. 

Surrender. This is the next step after rediscovering God and accepting his love afresh. We surrender anew to God’s will to fully direct our lives. This outward journey may seem similar to earlier stages, but our focus is different. We have changed. We endure suffering gracefully, because of our confidence in God. Our primary motivation in life becomes the desire to love honestly and live according to God’s purposes. There is a fresh sense of calling, vocation or ministry. We start to focus more on other people’s best interests. We start to experience a deep calm and stillness. This is a time to acknowledge with deeper conviction that we are not in control and that our lives are in God's hands. We learn to trust in Providence. With Job we declare, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him" (Job 13:15).

Paradox. By this stage, we find a new certainty in God while being comfortable with ambiguity in life. We learn to live in the tension between "the Now" and the "Not Yet". We are okay with liminal spaces. We embrace and even celebrate mystery. We let go of black and white and embrace the wonderful rainbow of colours in a God-inhabited universe. We embrace the joy of not knowing it all – and it's okay. 

Love. At this stage we reflect God to others in the world more clearly and consistently than we ever thought possible. We let our light shine in such a way that God is given the credit and the thanks. We have lost ourselves yet truly found ourselves. We are selfless. Life is not about ME (see Selfie post). We are at peace with ourselves, fully conscious of being the person God created us to be. Obedience comes naturally. We give our all without feeling that it means surrender or sacrifice. We are at one with the Spirit of God. God becomes everything to us.

There is a mystery to our journey of faith. Everyone is unique and will experience variations in their individual journey but we are all headed in the same direction – closer to God. It is helpful to view this journey as a circle rather than as a linear progression. God is at the centre. He is at work in each stage and our goal is not to try to control our growth experience but to draw closer to him in each season. There are no set formulas for spiritual growth nor can we always know exactly where we are in our spiritual journey. Stages may overlap and we may re-visit stages at times.

Reflection Questions

  1. Where do you think you are now in your own journey of faith and why?
  2. Where have you been in the past? What stages do you recognise or identify with?
  3. Select two Bible characters and see if you can see this pattern in their faith journey.
  4. What are some insights for relating well to others who may be at a different stage than you?
  5. What sort of activities or experiences might be most helpful at each stage – and especially the stage you are at right now?
  6. Many churches focus primarily on the first three stages. How can church leaders better equip and prepare followers of Jesus for the full journey of faith will all it nuances and diverse experiences?
Mark Conner Books, Family, General Interest, Personal Development

NEW Book Release: “Money Talks: Practical Principles for Becoming Financially Free”

Money Talks - Cover (International Version)I am excited to announce the release of a new book I have written called Money Talks: Practical Wisdom for Becoming Financially Free. 

Those of us who live in the Western world live in some of the richest countries on the planet yet, despite this fact, many people are under financial pressure. In this book, I share practical principles for becoming financially free and living wisely with the resources we have. Learn fresh insights about earning, saving, investing, debt reduction and spending wisely. The book also includes extra material on alleviating poverty, church finances, fundraising and the purpose of business.

For those who live in Australia, you can order a paperback copy from WORD Australia for the special price of $15.00 (RRP $17.99). 

OR you can purchase it in eBook format for Kindle, or other eReaders, on the Australian Amazon site (for AUS $11.99).

OR, if you live in a country other than Australia, you can purchase the international edition in paperback format on Amazon (US $12.99) or in eBook format for Kindle also on the USA Amazon site (for US $9.23) or 10 other Amazon sites around the world (check your locality).

Some Endorsements:

“Countless books on how to use money compete for readers. It is easy to find complicated ones. It is common to find those that just promote getting rich, even by so-called Christians. There are plenty of theoretical studies that are hard to apply and how-to-manuals not based in good theory. But where does one find a short, practical, biblically grounded, clearly written little book that addresses all the important questions about using money in Christian ways with up-to-date charts, graphs and statistics to back everything up? Mark Conner has now written it. Get a copy. Devour it. Then live it out.” 

Craig L. Blomberg, Distinguished Professor of New Testament. Denver Seminary, Littleton, CO

“It is often not productive to ask pastors for their views on finance or financiers for their views on pastoral care. It is therefore very refreshing to read Mark Conner’s ‘Money Talks: Practical Principles for Becoming Financially Free’, which blends the insights of the pastor with the practical applications of someone who has thought carefully about the power that money has over us. He tackles the biblical road map to freedom in financial matters with a persuasive skill and hands on application.”     

Ken Costa, Author: God at Work

"Mark Conner has a wealth of experience when it comes to the vital subject of how Christians should handle their money. In this practical guide to saving, spending and giving, he helps us view our finances from God's perspective. He eloquently explains where our hearts should be focussed and offers biblical financial principles that stand the test of time. It's a timely antidote to this age of conspicuous consumption." 

Tim Costello, Chief Advocate, World Vision Australia

"Mark Conner has written a fantastic book about money and generosity. Many today are looking for wisdom to help us navigate the tensions we face in income inequality, stewardship and wealth, and to reflect the heart and wisdom of Jesus when it comes to our resources. Theologically strong, yet immensely practical, Mark does this so well. I highly recommend this book to you.” 

Jon Tyson, Church Planter and Author. Church of the City New York

“Mark Conner’s capacity as a leader is only outweighed by his honesty, big-heartedness and integrity. In the chapters of this book we see his authenticity jump off each page. “Money Talks” is not only accessible and well researched – it is REAL! His down to earth teaching is heaven sent – a balm for the fiscally frazzled!” 

Rob Buckingham, Senior Minister, Bayside Church Melbourne

“This is a timely and significant book about managing our money well. Mark provides practical ideas to help us improve our thinking about money as well as our daily practices. This book is a great read!”     

Lisa McInness Smith, Global Keynote Speaker. Best-Selling Author. Transformational Coach

“In the time I have known Mark, his strength of character, leadership and deep understanding of biblical teachings have had a profound impact on my life. Mark’s ability to translate complex issues into simple and actionable disciplines is a rare gift, and it is one that he delivers in a deeply personal and authentic way. One of the many principles that Mark has taught and practiced both in his personal life and church leadership role, is financial freedom. As a student of Mark’s teaching, I have witnessed individuals and families transform their financial situations from being hamstrung with credit card debt to owning their own properties and running successful businesses. With the wisdom contained in these chapters, I am confident that reading this book will challenge your perspective on biblical stewardship and provide you with the tools to achieve true financial freedom.”

Dan Daniels, Founder and Global CEO Daniels Health

“Finances can be the F word for many of us, but Dr Mark Conner is a person to trust when it comes to making sense of financial headaches. From million dollar budgets in some of largest churches to standing with people living in extreme poverty, Mark has seen it all. With 7 in 10 people currently living on less than $10 a day and disparity between rich and poor creating global instability, this book could not be more urgent or important. This book will especially help us Christians in rich countries to take stock, pray, think and find imaginative ways to be a solution to injustice in the world by making the most of God’s resources at our disposal. Please read this practical, prophetic book and act on Mark’s advice. It will help us all.”
 
Rev Dr Ash Barker, Director, Newbigin School for Urban Leadership (NewbiginHouse.uk)
Mark Conner Leadership, Personal Development

Bridging the Knowing-Doing Gap

DoI love learning new things. In fact, I can become obsessive with new ideas, leading to me becoming the 'expert' in my family about everything and anything. Yes, I'm a maven for new information.
 
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve loved books. In fact, when my parents visited friend’s house, after dinner I’d love to sit by their bookshelf and browse through the encyclopedias, reading on a wide range of topics and subjects. [Hint: looking back into your childhood can tell you a lot about your gifts and passions!]
 
As I’ve grown older I’ve come to realise that knowledge is important but it doesn’t change the world. Action does. It’s great to gain information but unless it is used and put into practice, it accomplishes little.
 
C.S. Lewis once said, “People need to be reminded more than they need to be instructed.” Think about that. Our greatest need isn’t to learn new things but to be reminded to do what we already know.
 
In their best-selling business book, The Knowing-Doing Gap: How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge into Action, authors Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton note how many organisations do a lot of talking but often fail to put much of it into action. Plans, analysis, meetings, and presentations can become subtle substitutes for action. Companies may spend thousands of dollars on staff training yet very little of the experience and insight translates in any tangible, lasting change.
 
John Maxwell says, “Most Christians are educated beyond the level of their obedience.” Ouch! We already know so many things but we struggle embedding them as habits and rituals in our daily lives. That’s where the rubber hits the road, as they say. 
 
Jesus’ brother James understood this too. Almost 2,000 years ago he wrote a letter to people just like you and me living in the first century. This is what he said:
 
James 1:22-25. But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. NLT
 
Eugene Peterson translates it this way in The Message Bible: 
 
James 1:22-25. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like. But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action. MB
 
So how do we bridge this ‘knowing-doing gap’? How do we make sure we are applying what we are learning? Only by intentionally choosing to put into practice what we know. Don’t deceive yourself by pursuing continual learning but without applying what you already know.
 
Here are 7 questions to help you bridge the knowing-doing gap:
  1. "What have I heard and/or learnt in the last few months that needs putting into practice?"
  2. "What new habit or ritual do I need to start … today? "
  3. "Where have I drifted that requires me to get back on track?"
  4. "What fear is holding me back?"
  5. "What problem/issue am I facing that is simply a decision waiting to happen?" Remember, what we tolerate never changes! Tap into the power of desperation by refusing to tolerate the unacceptable.
  6. "What discussion have I been a part of that now needs implementing?"
  7. "What reminder could I benefit from reading every day?" Write it on a 'post it' note and put it on your bathroom mirror or make it your computer background image (I have my yearly goals as slides rotating as my computer screen-saver so I see them every day).

Then as Nike says … “Just Do It!”

That’s where authentic change and transformation takes place. 

Mark Conner Church, Leadership, Personal, Personal Development

My Experience with Burnout

B

My first encounter with burnout was back in 2002. I experienced what I would call an ‘emotional valley’ that lasted for about 6 months. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me but it took everything within me just to make it through the next meeting, the next appointment or the next project. My mood was higher when something was done, rather than when I was leading up to it or during the event or experience. I felt overwhelmed a lot of the time and didn’t have the energy to think much beyond what was right in front of me. It was subtle but very debilitating. 

I grappled with whether this was a mid-life crisis. After all, I had recently turned 40 years of age. Or was it some kind of spiritual attack from the enemy that I simply needed to withstand? Or maybe it was some sort of wilderness experience where God was trying to test my faith or develop my character further? I really wasn’t sure. Everything in my life on the outside was going well – health, family, friendships and ministry – but something was clearly wrong. With the help of a personal coach, I came to realise that I had been living at an unsustainable pace. I would go on a mission trip with a team to India for two weeks, come back on a Friday then preach at my church five times on the weekend then head to the USA on the Monday. As a result, my emotions were simply shutting down, refusing to live at this breakneck speed. They only seemed to provide me with enough energy for what was directly in front of me, and only just. I had nothing left over in reserve nor could I get excited about anything much beyond today. 

It took time to come out of this valley. There was no instant fix or snapping out of this. I had to slow down, take more time off, rest more and lower the high expectations I had on myself when it came to productivity. I shared openly with my family, friends and close team members at work about what was going on. They were are huge support to me during this time. 

I now recognise the indicators when I am nearing this valley again. Similar to when you go slightly over the edge of a road when driving a car, I can feel the danger signs. I have learned to pay attention to these signals and to make adjustments so I don’t go there again. As I mentioned before, one of the key indicators for me is when I am not looking forward to something nor am I enjoying the moment I am engaging in a particular activity. If my highest positive emotion is when I am done with a task, meeting or event, then I am in a vulnerable place. I have also benefited greatly from having an external mentor like Keith Farmer in the years following this experience. He was able to assist me in continually monitoring the state of my emotional tank. 

During 2015-2016, I had another experience with burnout. It was different this time and I wasn’t fully aware of it. Looking back, I see that it was more the result of the cumulative wear and tear of being on church staff for 32 years and of being a senior pastor for 22 of those years. The church I led had grown quite significantly (from about 1,500 people to around 10,000) resulting in a much larger workload, greater complexity, and a large organisation to be responsible for. In addition, at this time the growth of the church had slowed somewhat and, for various reasons, my wife, Nicole, was no longer as involved as she was in the earlier years. I missed her participation very much. My hope for the future, my drive and my motivation levels were at an all-time low. In retrospect, I can see that I was no longer enjoying my job. In fact, during my processing time, Nicole asked me an insightful question: “If you didn’t have your current job would you apply for it?” I had to admit that I wouldn’t. 

This provided the context for me eventually deciding it was time for a change – something that I believed would benefit me, my family and the church too. I officially resigned in February 2016, then a year later in February 2017 I finished up in my role as senior pastor, passed the baton to a new leader, and began a new season of life and ministry. After taking a few months off, I started engaging in some energising activities which perfectly fit my gifting and experience but without the degree of burden, pressure, and responsibility I had been carrying for so long. As a result, just one year later I am experiencing new amounts of joy, peace, and well-being in my life. I feel totally different. I feel so much better. I am enjoying each day and the activities and meetings I am involved in to a much greater degree. I have extra emotional reserves to sustain me. I am so glad I made the change. 

Christian psychologist Arch Hart notes that there is a difference between burnout, stress, and depression. Burnout is more emotional while stress is more physical in its symptoms. Burnout often includes a sense of helplessness or hopelessness, a loss of motivation and drive, and a lethargy.

Are you experiencing any degree of burnout? If you are, I strongly encourage you to give attention to your inner world. Talk to an experienced counsellor, get some help and be courageous enough to make some tough decisions, if necessary. You will be so glad you did. 

Let me finish with these amazingly freeing words from Jesus: 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30. The Message Bible. 

Here is some additional recommended reading:

Mark Conner Personal Development

Do Your Best

Best
 
Quite coincidently, I heard a similar statement from two different people in two different places over the last week. It went something like this: “Don’t try to be the best, simply do your best.” That’s quite thought-provoking, isn’t it.
 
We live in a competitive, dog-eat-dog world today. Everyone is trying to out-do the next person. We all want to be number one. Get to the front of the line. The top of the class. It's a call to excellence. After all, winning isn’t everything, it's the only thing. Or so they tell us.
 
But this can leave us all incredibly tired at the end of the day and very disappointed in ourselves because we never feel like we are getting ahead in the rat race that has our life has degenerated into.  
 
The truth is that in any endeavour or activity that you engage in there will most likely be someone in the world who can do it better than you and others who aren’t quite as good as you. That’s reality. Of course, no one can do what you do exactly as you do it. That's because you bring your uniqueness to every situation.
 
My mother used to teach me when I was younger to "do my best … and leave the rest”. If I always did the best that I could at the time, that was enough. I then needed to learn from it and move on. If I did really well and dwelt on it too long, I’d start to get puffed up with pride, thinking too highly of myself. If I didn’t do that well and lingered on my performance too long, I would start to get discouraged and even depressed, thinking too lowly of myself.
 
When life is over you won’t be compared to others … only to what you could have done with what you have been given compared to what you actually did. Now there is a challenging thought. 
 
So, find your voice. Sing your song. God's gift to you is your potential. Your gift back to him is what you do with it. Be the best you you can be. Yes, just do your best.
Mark Conner Personal Development, Spirituality

Flight Mode

Flight mode

I was travelling overseas recently and as the airplane took off the pilot reminded us to turn our phones off or put them in 'flight mode'. Flight mode suspends radio-frequency signal transmission on the device, thereby disabling Bluetooth, telephony, and Wi-Fi. As a result, during this time you can't receive any incoming phone calls, messages or email or surf the Internet. In some ways, this is nice. Could 'offline' could be the new nirvana!? Finally, no more inflow of things interrupting us and needing our attention … at least for a while. [Of course, some airplanes are now offering wi-fi for the entire trip so you don't ever have to be disconnected!]

We live in a world where distraction has become the norm. Our senses are over-stimulated. No wonder there is so much talk about meditation and mindfulness, which can help us learn to take time to just BE still and cease our endless activity. After all, hurry leads to skimming and it damages the quality of our relationships and our experience of life.

Maybe it's worth us taking some specific times during our day to intentionally go into 'flight mode'. Turn off your phone, put down your tools, move away from your computer and your task list. Tune out the noise. Cease the activity. Find a quiet place.

King David had a kingdom to run yet he penned these words from God speaking to his own restless soul: "Be still and know that I am God". Now there's a good mantra for a healthy soul in 'flight mode' …

Be still and know that I am God

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know

Be still

Be 

Mark Conner Personal Development

Can You Teach Someone to be Teachable?

GlobeI was in Perth recently speaking at a church there and I had a great question from a young leader at the break between two of my sessions with the church staff team: "Can you teach someone to be teachable?" I had to stop and think about that one. What an insightful question. If someone is not teachable, can you teach them? Probably not … but I started to think about ways that you can help people recognise their need to learn from others.

During our conversation, I shared the following example which I heard many years ago … 

Imagine a group of people sitting in a circle around a table with a world globe in the middle. A few observations …

  1. Firstly, everyone sees the world differently, depending on where they are sitting. No one sees it exactly the same.
  2. Secondly, no one sees the world accurately. There are parts of the globe that each person does not see. No one person has the full perspective, no matter who they are. If any individual thinks that they have the complete perspective all by themselves, then they are nothing short of ignorant … and proud.
  3. Thirdly, the only way to get an accurate picture of the world is to combine everyone's perspective. We must listen to those who see differently from us to learn about what we cannot see.

Take the world globe off the table and replace it with anything else – an issue, a decision needing to be made, a conflict … whatever. The lessons are still the same. We need other people's perspective to add to our own in order to gain wisdom for life.

An illustration such as this could be the first step in helping someone become more teachable … by showing them the reality of their need for the input and perspective other people.

How's your teachability?

Mark Conner Personal Development, Relationships

Life Change

Change-challengeLife change and character development take place best in the context of relationships.

For example, when our three children were growing up, I noticed that when they are 'alone', such as on a date with me, each of them had the ability to be extremely angelic. However, when they were ‘together’, especially in the backseat of our car, something demonic seemed to emerge! “He hit me,  … she hit me first… he’s looking out my window … no, I’m not … she’s ignoring me, dad … he ignored me first … etc, etc.” You get the picture! Yet it was in their interaction with one another that their character had the potential of growing the most.

It’s the same with us – qualities such as patience, kindness and forgiveness are easy when you’re by yourself but it’s in the daily real life interaction with other people that we are really tested and where these qualities have the potential to be worked into our character.

  • I can be very patient when I'm not waiting for someone.
  • I can be very forgiving when no one has offended me.
  • I am very kind when no one is being mean to me.

It is in the very process of doing life with other people – with all of their idiosyncrasies – that we grow and mature as people. Even a challenging relationship can be as powerfully transforming as a relationship that happens almost without effort – maybe even more so. 

Solomon, one of the wisest persons who ever lived, wrote this over 2,500 years ago:

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17.

That sounds like a bit of friction and a few sparks to me!

When you become part of a family, a team, a neighbourhood or a small group, there will be people who are different than you there, maybe very different! Yet, often these kinds of relationships provide the opportunity for us to grow and develop the most. They draw us out of our comfort zones and stretch our loving capacity.

Are you having a challenging time with someone right now? Maybe instead of trying to get rid of them or removing yourself from them, consider what change or transformation this situation could work out in you – if you responded differently (0f course, I'm not talking about staying in abusive or unsafe environments). 

Life change … think about it.

Mark Conner Personal Development

How’s Your Passion?

Passion

In the world we live in, passion is often a key to success and impact.

In a research study of over 500 top performers from all areas of work, the arts and sports, this statement was made, “No two were alike, but the one quality they had in common was passion. It was their drive, their enthusiasm, their desire that distinguished them.”

Another study of great people was done looking for essential qualities of their success. It wasn't intelligence (75% of U.S. presidents were in the lower half of their class, 50% of Fortune 500 CEO's averaged C- in school and 50% of self-made millionaires who made it on their own had no university college degree), gifts or talents, background or appearance. It was attitude (how they chose to think) and passion (how they chose to feel). Successful people have drive and enthusiasm (found in the heart not the head).

The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Erwin, was the highest paid Australian for many years – making more than other Australian rock stars, sports stars, famous movie stars and celebrities. What was his key to success? He sure was passionate about crocodiles – and any other dangerous animal on the planet! 

Passion is more important than knowledge, your background, your IQ, your gifts, your talents, your abilities, your appearance, your finances, your position, your personality, your education or any other thing.

Having any or all of these things is valuable but possessing the fire is invaluable. Nothing major in history was ever accomplished without zeal and passion. It is THE deciding difference between successful and unsuccessful people in every field of endeavour. The fire on the inside affects everything on the outside.

The difference between good and great is often passion. A passionate person with a few skills will usually out-perform a passive person with many skills. American author William Ward once said, "Enthusiasm and persistence can make an average person superior while indifference and lethargy can make a superior person average."

The important thing to realise is that passion is not something that is static or that stays the same. It can grow OR it can die down and even go out altogether. Like the fire on a lit match, passion never stays the same – it either spreads or it burns out. The natural tendency of fire is to go out. The same is true with passion. That’s why we need to guard and protect it.

So what are some of your passion killers? And more importantly, what are some of your passion lighters? Give these two questions some quality reflection time over the coming weekend and turn your experience into insight.

May you live your life every day with great passion!

"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord." Romans 12:11. NIV

"Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fuelled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master." Romans 12:11. The Message Bible

Mark Conner Personal Development

Becoming Childlike … Again

Childlike
 
When you were a kid, what excited you? What were you interested in? What gave you a buzz? What made you feel at home? 

The apostle Paul talked about putting away 'childish things' when he grew up and became a man (1 Corinthians 13:11). But there is a big difference between being 'childish' and 'childlike'. He definitely wasn't taking about not having fun, losing a sense of adventure or of becoming boringly serious! In fact, Jesus said that unless we become like a child we will never enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:1-3). Yes, we are to grow in maturity but we are also to maintain a childlike approach to life. 

Think about some of the positive qualities of children that we want to hang on to even as we grow older:

  1. Joy and Wonder – kids have an amazing sense of fun, adventure and excitement. As we grow older, we can easily lose this and become increasingly negative and cynical about life.
  1. Receptive and Open – kids are teachable and eager to learn. As we grow older, we can become less teachable and more resistant to change.
  1. Emotionally Honest –kids  express their feelings fairly quickly and unselfconsciously. As we grow older we can tend to freeze up more and hold in our real feelings.
  1. Simple Trust – kids' natural tendency is to trust others without analysing and questioning everything. As we grow older we can tend to develop a fair amount of (inappropriate) suspicion and fear.
  1. An Adventurous Spirit – kids love action-orientated activities, even if they are dangerous at times. As we grow older we can tend to play it safe more and choose to avoid risk (staying in our comfort zones).
  1. Freedom to be themselves – kids are very real with few inhibitions. As we grow older we can tend to wear masks and play the game of what we think others want us to be.

We all need to regain some of our childlikeness! After all, the world doesn’t need more negative, cynical, closed off, fake, suspicious and risk-averse people who take life too seriously!

Two final stories: As a kid I loved to sit and read through the encyclopaedias on the bookshelves at the house of some friends who my parents visited regularly. No wonder my #1 strength is Learner! I love new ideas. In primary school, I also started writing a book about the travel adventures of my friend Steve and I going around the world. Who would have known that I would grow up to love travel (travelling to over 30 countries) and writing.

Maybe its time for all of us to become a little more childlike … again. Don't become a prisoner to the expectations of the people around you. Let your childhood passions help navigate you on your work and life journey. 

Our earliest instincts are a big part of who we are and therefore signposts for our future dreams. As you consider your life ahead, go back to that foundation. Do some archaeological digging. You might just find some keys to a life of greater meaning and contribution. Maybe it's time for another adventure?

Mark Conner Personal Development

Go With Your Strengths!

Know-Your-Strengths
 
Have you ever heard some enthusiastic, optimist person spout statements such as, “You can be anything you want to be” or “What you believe, you can achieve!” As nice as these kind of grandiose motivators may sound, they are not true. You can’t be anything you want to be nor can you do anything you want to do. Yes, we all have strengths and great potential but we also have limitations and weaknesses – things we are not very good at. Accepting this reality and working within it is a part of finding joy and fulfilment in life. 
 
Some of us need more ‘reality thinking’ and a little less ‘possibility thinking’. No, I’m not referring to talking yourself down or to some form of ‘worm theology’ (“I’m just a nobody!”) … just a good dose of honest, sober thinking. Others of us need to see ourselves with fresh eyes so we can break free from the negative limitations that other people have put on us or we have placed on ourselves. Our potential is far beyond what we are currently living out. 
 
Each of us has STRENGTHS – unique aptitudes, skills and abilities. Yes, we can DO whatever we are gifted to do and we can BE whatever we are wired to be. Our strengths are something we discover more than something we decide. This takes a commitment to exploration. The greater the variety of things we attempt and the experiences we engage in, the more likely we will discover what our strengths are … and what they are not! This is part of the adventure of life. 
 
Our strengths are what we are good at and also what energises us. A good experiment is to take time each day over the coming week to reflect on and respond to two simple, open-ended statements:
  1. “I felt energised when …”
  2. “I felt drained when …”
This activity helps us gain some much needed self-awareness. The smart thing to then do is to lean in towards doing more of what energises you and less of what drains you. And the good news is that what drains you probably energises someone else. Of course, we will never completely eliminate all draining activities. After all, someone has to do the dishes and take out the rubbish – not because you feel especially gifted to do so but just because it needs to be done!
 
Most of you are aware that I made a major vocational change last February as I finished up as Senior Minister of CityLife Church, a position I had held for 22 years. There were many factors contributing to this decision but one of them was that I was no longer enjoying this role in the last few years as much as I did earlier on. I was spending two thirds of my time in all the meetings that were required to lead such a large, complex organisation and each weekend I was responsible for overseeing 11 church services in 4 locations. I spent many years speaking 4-5 times a weekend myself … on top of busy midweek activities. Over time, it became more draining than energising for me. 
 
During my processing time, my amazing wife, Nicole, once asked me, “If you didn’t have your job today, would you apply for it?” Now that’s a good question! As time went on, I realised that I wouldn’t. And I realised that my life calling wasn’t limited to the role I had served in for over two decades. 
 
Now, 11 months on, I am loving life again and finding fresh joy in coaching church and business leaders, as well as speaking at various churches and conferences, without the burden of also leading a large church. That required some tough choices … but it was well worth it.
 
How is life and work going for you? You have far more power and freedom to determine your future than you realise. I urge you to “go with your strengths” … even if it requires making some big changes in your life or vacation. You’ll be glad you did … and so will those close to you. Plus, the world will be a much better place. 
 
P.S. For further reading about going with your strengths, check out Marcus Buckingham’s excellent book, “Go Put Your Strengths to Work.”
Mark Conner Personal Development

10 Tips for Being More Productive

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I love achievement – getting things done. There is a certain joy and sense of satisfaction in ticking off a job on my task list. Because of this, I am always looking for ways to get more done in a day and to be more productive. I do this by talking to other high achieving people and reading books or articles on productivity. 

Here are my Top 10 Recent Learnings about Productivity:

1. Know the outcomes or results you desire for the year ahead. If you aim at nothing, you will be sure to hit it. Activity is not accomplishment. Beginning with the end in mind is essential to success in any endeavour and remembering the big picture helps to keep you motivated each day.

2. Shift away from a lengthy task list and start making appointments with yourself. Record the things you want to do in your diary or Calendar. Research indicates that 41% of tasks on a to-do list never actually get completed, often because there is no note included as to how long the task will take. Why not change your approach! After all, what gets scheduled gets done.

3. Establish 2-3 "Most Important Tasks" for each day and focus on getting them done. Finish the day with a sense of accomplishment rather than feeling discouraged because of everything you didn't get done. Scheduling tasks in your Calendar with the allocated amount of time needed to accomplish each task clearly assists in this matter.

4. Don't prepare elaborate plans for complex projects. Simply review the project frequently and ask the question, "What is my next action?" Then schedule that. It's about "baby steps". Once you know WHAT you want and WHY you want it, the strategy of HOW to get there will emerge and can be adapted along the way.

5. Manage your energy not just your time. You can't be DOING things all the time. Quarantine your work to reasonable hours and, outside of that, learn to simply BE, enjoying your family and friends and engage in replenishing activities. 

6. Create times of focus without the lure of distractions or interruptions. Turn off your email (in fact, why not only check it 2-3 times a day?), social media and your phone. Concentrate on the task or project at hand for a good 90 minutes. You'll be amazed at how much you get done. Multi-tasking is a myth. It simple leads to doing multiple things poorly.

7. Schedule a weekly appointment with yourself to review the previous week and plan the coming week. I take 60-90 minutes for this first thing every Monday morning and it is one of my most effective habits of productivity. 

8. Schedule time each week to clear the clutter. A clean desk, an empty inbox, or an organised desk directly affects the clarity of thinking you will experience. 

9. Review your commitments and get release from those that are no longer important or valuable to you. When you say YES to something you are saying NO to something else. NO is a very positive word and we need to learn to say it more frequently … with a smile and without feeling guilty. By reducing your task list or things that you are committed to, you free up valuable time to engage with what is more important. Don't do everything right, just do the right things.

10. Take a few regular breaks in your work day. Sometimes the best thing you can do is STOP working and do something else for a few minutes. Take a walk, drink a glass of water, eat an apple or read a magazine article. When you return to your task or project at a later time, you will notice a fresh amount of energy and effectiveness. 

If you want to learn more and dive a little deeper, here are some recommended resources: 

Here's to an enjoyable and productive week!

Mark Conner Food and Drink, Personal Development

What’s for Dinner?

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So, what's for dinner?

It's a question that comes up most days in most families. 

Personally, I love good food and I have always eaten plenty of it. As a kid growing up, my mother didn't let my sister or me leave the family dinner table until our plate was cleared. It's a habit I still have to this day. In fact, I have been known to help other people finish their plate too!

Over the years, I have developed a taste for all kinds of food and, after marrying Nicole over 30 years ago, my appreciation for different types of cuisine has only expanded. We love Italian, Indian, Japanese, Moroccan, Thai, Mexican, you name it. 

In recent years, I have struggled with keeping my weight to a desirable level (see my Weight Loss Musings). Also, my family has a history of heart disease and high cholesterol. As a result, I have become more conscious of the kinds of food I eat, as well as the quantities. 

Over the last 3 months, Nicole and I have moved to a more "whole-food, plant-based" diet which is now becoming a new lifestyle for us. We are both feeling better, I have lost more weight, we have more energy, and our cholesterol levels are down. The trigger for me was becoming more aware of some of the latest research on diet and how it affects our health and well-being. Two resources were particularly helpful:

Forks Over Knives: The Plant-Based Way to Health

The Forks over Knives documentary produced in 2011 brings together the latest research in health and science, exposing many of the myths we have grown up believing, particularly about meat ("You need your protein!") and dairy ("Drink your milk for your daily intake of calcium"). It's worth watching and discussing with your family. There is also a New York Times best-selling book by the same title, a cookbook with over 300 recipes of delicious meals, an APP with heaps of recipes, and lots of other helpful resources on the related web site.

How Not To Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease

This book is a real eye opener. Here is the description:

Why rely on drugs and surgery to cure you of life-threatening disease when the right decisions can prevent you from falling ill to begin with? "How Not To Die" gives effective, scientifically-proven nutritional advice to prevent our biggest killers – heart disease, breast cancer, prostate cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes – revealing the astounding health benefits that simple dietary choices can provide. Based on the very latest scientific research, "How Not To Die" examines each of the most common diseases, chapter by chapter, to reveal what, how and why different foods affect us and how increasing our consumption of certain foods and avoiding others can dramatically reduce our risk of falling sick and even reverse the effects of disease.

Most people I know want to live a long life but what about quality of life? Health is energy and energy is essential for living the life we desire. Therefore, it is worth investing the time and effort to learn about health in our increasingly obese and addictive culture. 

Here is my challenge to you:

1. Watch the documentary Forks Over Knives and/or read one or both of the above books. Reflect on what you learn. I guarantee you will be motivated to make some positive changes in your life. 

2. Eat out less, then cook more at home by adding a dozen new healthy recipes to your cooking repertoire for your family (do an internet search for the ‘best vegetarian or vegan recipes’ or pick up a new cookbook from your local bookstore or download an APP such as ‘Deliciously Ella’). Food doesn't have to be full of sugar and artificial ingredients to be delicious. 

3. Next time you do go out to eat, choose a vegan option. You'll be surprised at how delicious it is. 

As a result of taking these three simple steps, I believe that you will experience better health, longer life … and you will be kinder to the planet and to all creatures great and small.

So, what's for dinner?

Mark Conner Personal Development

Making the Most of a New Year

New-Years

Well, here we are – a new year! It's 2018 now and 2017 is in the history books. My, how time is flying. Anyone remember Y2K!? The turn of the century sure had its share of sensationalist debates about the future. Almost two decades on, we are still here and our world continues to be full off challenges … and opportunities. 

So how do you make the most of a new year?

At the beginning of any new year, I have found it very helpful to do three things:

1. Look Back.

The famous Greek philosopher, Socrates, once said that the unexamined life was not worth living. It is so easy to just keep on going without thinking – from moment to moment, from day to day, from weekend to weekend, and from year to year. However, experience alone does not teach us anything. It is only experiences that we reflect on that become insight for living better lives. I encourage you to set aside an hour or so and look back over last year. Here are a few questions that can assist you:

  • What went well that you can celebrate?
  • What didn't go so well?
  • What would you do differently if you had the year all over again?
  • What are you grateful for?
  • What lessons did you learn?
  • What relationships were the most helpful to you?
  • What toxic relationships do you need to get rid of … or at least quarantine?
  • What would you like to do less of?
  • What would you like to do more of?

If you can capture the wisdom from the answers to these questions and integrate them into your life, what a difference that can make.

2. Look Around.

Have a good look around you right now. How is life going for you .. really? What is your 'current reality'?

Think through every area of your life and ask yourself how satisfied your are with it. This includes your physical health, your emotional well-being, your spiritual life, your personal growth, your relationships, your finances and your vocation.

Avoid getting stuck in denial ("Everything is fine!") or in discouragement ("I hate my life!").

The good news is that life doesn't have to stay as it is now. You can change. Your decisions, not your current conditions, determine your future. 

3. Look Ahead.

This new year is like a blank page, a new chapter in your book of life, and a plethora of possibilities waiting to happen. Rather than making a heap of new year's resolutions or setting another 10 goals to add to your already overgrown task list, why not think about who you want to be a year from now. Where do you want to be? What do you want to have achieved? Think about the outcomes you desire and the results you want to see. Choose ones that inspire and motivate you. Begin with the end in mind. 

Last week, at our family lunch on New Year's Eve, we went around the table and each family member completed the statement, "This time next year …" It was a fun and inspiring time listening to each person's dreams and aspirations. Now we can cheer each other on and hold each other accountable (kind of like positive peer pressure!) for making the changes and achieving the goals we desire throughout the year.

Once you have a clear picture of the outcomes and results you want at the end of this year (new habits or desired achievements), write them down and keep them somewhere highly visible (on your mirror, your office wall or a computer screensaver). Then schedule regular reviews (weekly, monthly, quarterly) to ask yourself what your 'next action' is to make them a reality, as well as to review your progress. 

Conclusion

These three things won't happen unless you make time for them. You can't do them on the run. Make an appointment with yourself. The time invested in this kind of activity will have huge returns for you in this new year. After all, you only have one life to live and each day is a gift. Seize the moment and live it to the full.

Here's to your best year yet!

Mark Conner Personal Development

Your Story Building Project (Part 1)

BP

Not only is the church God's story building project, you individually are also. The apostle Paul puts it this way:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. NIV

You as an individual person are the temple or dwelling place of God. Through the Holy Spirit, He lives inside of you. You are his home – his house. Often at church services, we hear people say, “Isn’t it good to be in God’s presence today!” Well, you are actually in God's presence every day. We don’t lack God’s presence, we just lack awareness of God's presence. He is Immanuel – “God with us”.

Just as the church is going through a period of renovation, so you (and me!) are under renovation. God is working on us. We could call it “the renovation of the heart.” Yes, God loves us just the way we are but he loves us too much to leave us the way we are.

How Can We Best Co-Operate With God's Work of Renovation?

Firstly, let go of the past.

We don't want to live in the past but if the past is affecting us today, then it needs our attention. Things such as hurts, disappointments, bitterness, and regret take up energy and taint our spirits, affecting our lives today. Like dredging a dam of rubbish and old debris, we need to keep our soul clear of what could contaminate our spirit. How is your soul? What’s underneath the surface that may be influencing you today? Consider your external and your internal story. Maybe it would be helpful to see a prayer team, a counsellor, or take a personal silent retreat (stillness settles the waters, creates separation and brings clarity). Yesterday is gone. Let it go – the good and the bad. It can trap you from fully embracing all that today is bringing to you.

Even good things have to be let go of at times. Nicole and I are entering a brand new chapter of life with lots of possibilities and opportunities but we have had to let go of a lot to enable this to happen. There has been loss and grief. It's the principle of 'displacement' – if your plate is full you do not have room for any new things but if you remove some things from your plate, you make way for new opportunities.

Is it time to create a 'not to do' list? We tend to add but rarely eliminate things from our life, resulting in us becoming over-burdened with cluttered schedules and tired souls. Are there some commitments, some friendships, or some involvements that you need to let go of at this time?

More tomorrow …