Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 21 – In-Between

Hi friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of Soul Food.

When I was 19 years of age, I had been living in the USA with my family for 10 years. My parents then decided to return to Australia and wanted me to come back with them. I didn’t want to go … so we had some ‘intense fellowship’ about this for quite a few months. Eventually, we decided I would come for a year and see how it went. 

I remember the emotion of leaving America at that time. I was giving up everything I’d known – friends, connections, opportunities, the familiar – and heading back to a place I barely remembered. It was a bit like letting go of one trapeze and I hadn’t yet got a hold of the next one. I was in-between – my past and my future.

These liminal spaces, as they are sometimes called, are scary. It’s the feeling of the great unknown. The past is gone and there is no going back but the future hasn’t yet arrived. Everything is in a state of flux. Nothing is certain or sure. 

After about a year, I had gradually ‘replaced’ everything I had thought I was giving up. I made new friends, new connections, and new opportunities came my way. Although I have visited American again since that time and greatly appreciated the 10 years I spent there, in the end, I realised I was more Aussie than I thought … and Australia has become my home, again. But this process wasn’t easy nor was it quick. It took time and I experienced a range of emotions along the way. 

Ancient Israel left Egypt but before they arrived at their Promised Land, they wandered through a Wilderness. In-between times can feel like that wilderness – we’re not where we once were but we haven’t yet arrived at where we want to be. That can be frustrating.

In his excellent book, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, author William Bridges notes that it is often not the endings that do us in, it is the transitions. Transitions involve the emotion of change during the in-between times, like a trapeze artist hanging in the air! This can be exciting, yet frightening. In these liminal spaces, nothing is familiar or normal.

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Transitions are those times in-between endings and beginnings. 
  2. These liminal spaces can be both exciting and frightening. 
  3. Give yourself time to process the season of change you are in.

Once again, find a safe friend or alongsider who you can talk with. Openly sharing your thoughts and feelings is incredibly helpful and healthy. 

That’s all for today. See you next week.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube Channel.

Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 20 – Beginnings

Hi friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of Soul Food.

Last week we chatted about endings. Today, lets talk about beginnings.

When you’re beginning something new, there’s often a sense of excitement and enthusiasm. But at the same time, everything can feel a little awkward. We’re in unfamiliar territory. We feel somewhat tentative, uncertain, and even nervous. 

I had all of those feelings when I began a new season in my life just 4 years ago. I had finished up 32 years of employment in one place and now I was beginning again … for the first time in a long time. It was both scary and exhilarating. It felt like a step, or a jump, into the great unknown!

What’s beginning for you right now? What’s new? 

Obviously, a new year has begun, but what else? Is it a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new project, or a new book you’re reading? Or is it a new perspective, a new environment, or maybe a new habit or routine you are hoping to establish? 

Another question – what needs to begin for you? Is it time to start something new or BE someone new? There are times in life where we need a reset, a re-orientation, or a reboot. It’s time to begin … all over again. You can do this … have courage to take that step … then keep walking.

Here are a few tips for embracing beginnings well:

  1. Be patient with yourself. When things are new, there will be uncertainty. Give yourself time to adjust to everything that is feeling unfamiliar to you right now. You are moving out of your comfort zone – that’s uncomfortable! 
  1. Embrace a childlike curiosity. Children have this beautiful sense of wonder as they approach each moment of their day. Everything is new and fresh and they are seeing and experiencing things for the first time. Choose wonder. 
  1. Be open to new experiences. Beginnings provide opportunity for seeing things differently, for change, and for growth. Even if you have a lot of knowledge and experience, lay aside your prejudices and judgments. Have an open mind for insights you haven’t seen before.

Remember books that used to begin with, “Once upon a time …” and so the story starts … OR “In the beginning …” and a new world comes into being. 

All the best with everything that is beginning for you right now!

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Life is filled with many new beginnings. 
  2. Beginnings can be both exhilarating and scary. 
  3. Be patient with yourself when you are beginning something new.
  4. Embrace a sense of childlike curiosity and wonder.

That’s all for today. See you next week when we talk about those scary/exciting in-between times.

You can watch the video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube Channel.

Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 19 – Endings

Hi friends! Soul Food is back … with all new episodes.

Today, lets talk about endings. 

Four years ago this month, I finished up working at a place where I had been employed for 32 years. We sold a home that we loved and we moved interstate. It was a major ending for me. A huge step into the unknown. I become a little emotional just thinking about it. 

In many ways, life is a journey with many different seasons and those seasons are marked by endings, in-between times, and beginnings … all interconnected. These beginnings and endings happen in our relationships, our educational journey, our living arrangements, and our vocation. 

Most endings are hard. They involve ‘letting go’, finding closure, and saying ‘goodbye’. There are often tears. There is loss. There is grief. 

But endings are necessary. In fact, endings bring with them the possibility of new beginnings.

Henry Cloud is his helpful book Necessary Endings says: “Endings are a natural part of life – we either face them, stagnate or die. Without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck and fail to reach our goals and dreams.”

What endings have occurred for you recently? What have you had to let go of? What are the losses? What feelings are you experiencing about those endings? How are you different now? What are learning?

You may have heard of the principle of displacement. If you have a plate that is full there is no room for anything new to be added to it. But if you remove some things from your plate, you create the space and the room for new things. That’s what endings do for us.

What necessary endings are coming up for you? Can you sense some nearing?

Have a look at this diagram below. It’s called a ‘Sigmoid Curve’.

This Sigmoid Curve illustrates those transition times in our life. After a season of learning and growth (the purple line), Point A is where we begin to ask ourselves some questions about our current reality and maybe even experience doubts about whether we are where we really want to be. We are feeling unsettled and restless or our motivation is low. It is time for an ending and a new curve to start (the blue line)? Point B is where we may have waited longer than necessary and we ‘hit the wall’ or have a crisis that forces an ending and propels us into rapid change. 

We will have many of these curves or cycles in each aspect of our life throughout our lifetime (organizations do too). The key is to discern the endings and navigate them with as much courage, discernment, and wisdom as we can.  

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Life is a journey with many seasons, all involving endings and beginnings. 
  2. Feelings of grief, sadness, and loss are normal when we encounter endings. 
  3. Endings make new beginnings possible.
  4. Learn to discern the seasons of change in your life. 

Finally, don’t go it alone. Find a safe friend or advisor to talk about the possible endings in your life and the inevitable emotions you are experiencing. 

That’s all for today. See you next week when we look at Beginnings.

You can watch this episode now on the Soul Food YouTube Channel.