Mark Conner Contemporary Culture, Personal Development

Dealing with Overload

OverloadEver feel overloaded? Overwhelmed? Ever wish there were a few extra hours in the day or maybe even an extra day in the week? If you are anything  like me, there are so many things to do and hardly enough time to do them in. This requires us to determine our priorities. Today and the coming week will most likely be busy but what will they be busy with? It takes discipline and focus to ensure that we keep first things first and not get swept up in the urgent or the trivial. 

Here is a helpful article by Tony Schwartz that I read recently about dealing with overload. There are some great insights here for improving your personal productivity …

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, before you even brush your teeth? Is it checking the e-mail that’s flooded into your inbox overnight? Does the pull feel increasingly irresistible, even Pavlovian? Do you get so immersed in responding to other people’s agendas that 30 minutes can go by before you even look up?

Here’s a radical proposal: Don’t check your e-mail at all tomorrow morning. Turn it off entirely. Instead, devote a designated period of uninterrupted time to a task that really matters.

For more than a decade, the most significant ritual in my work life has been to take on the most important task of the day as my first activity, for 90 minutes, without interruption, followed by a renewal break. I do so because mornings are when I have the highest energy and the fewest distractions.

I’m doing it right now, but in all honesty, it’s gotten tougher in the last several years. My attention feels under siege, like yours probably does.

For the last 10 years, my colleagues and I have helped companies like Google, Coca-Cola and Facebook fuel sustainable high performance by better meeting the needs of their employees. Far and away the biggest work challenges most of us now face are cognitive overload and difficulty focusing on one thing at a time.

Whenever I singularly devote the first 90 minutes of my day to the most challenging or important task – they’re often one and the same — I get a ton accomplished.

Following a deliberate break – even just a few minutes — I feel refreshed and ready to face the rest of the day. When I don’t start that way, my day is never quite as good, and I sometimes head home at night wondering what I actually did while I was so busy working.

Performing at a sustainably high level in a world of relentlessly rising complexity requires that we manage not just our time but also our energy – not just how many hours we work, but when we work, on what and how we feel along the way.

Fail to take control of your days — deliberately, consciously and purposefully — and you’ll be swept along on a river of urgent but mostly unimportant demands. 

It’s all too easy to rationalize that we’re powerless victims in the face of expectation from others, but doing that is itself a poor use of energy. Far better to focus on what we can influence, even if there are times when it’s at the margins.

Small moves, it turns out, can make a significant difference.

When it comes to doing the most important thing first each morning, for example, it’s best to make that choice, along with your other top priorities, the night before.

Plainly, there are going to be times that something gets in your way and it’s beyond your control. If you can reschedule for later, even 30 minutes, or 45, do that. If you can’t, so be it. Tomorrow is another day.

If you’re a night owl and you have more energy later in the day, consider scheduling your most important work then. But weigh the risk carefully, because as your day wears on, the number of pulls on your attention will almost surely have increased.

Either way, it’s better to work highly focused for short periods of time, with breaks in between, than to be partially focused for long periods of time. Think of it as a sprint, rather than a marathon. You can push yourself to your limits for short periods of time, so long as you have a clear stopping point. And after a rest, you can sprint again.

How you’re feeling at any given time profoundly influences how effectively you’re capable of working, but most of us pay too little attention to these inner signals.

Fatigue is the most basic drag on productivity, but negative emotions like frustration, irritability and anxiety are equally pernicious. A simple but powerful way to check in with yourself is to intermittently rate the quantity and quality of your energy — say at midmorning, and mid afternoon — on a scale from 1 to 10.

If you’re a 5 or below on either one, the best thing you can do is take a break.

Even just breathing deeply for as little as one minute – in to a count of three, out to a count of six – can quiet your mind, calm your emotions and clear your bloodstream of the stress hormone cortisol.

Learn to manage your energy more skillfully, and you’ll get more done, in less time, at a higher level of focus. You’ll feel better — and better about yourself — at the end of the day.

 Tony Schwartz is one of the world’s top thought leaders on the workplace and getting the most out of people. He is the CEO of the Energy Project and author, most recently of Be Excellent at Anything: Four Keys to Transforming the Way We Work and Live. 

[Source]

Mark Conner Spirituality, Theology

The Joy of Not Knowing It All

1cor13I was reading the apostle's Paul's first letter to the Corinthians last week and came to chapter 13, the great love chapter, a chapter I have read hundreds of times. The following statement jumped off the page at me:

1Cor.13:12. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. NLT

Here is the leading theologian of the Christian faith, who met the risen Christ personally, who visited the third heaven to receive direct revelation from God, and who knows more than most of us will learn about the ways and purposes of God in a lifetime … and he has the courage to say that he does not see things perfectly  (or as the NKJV says, "we see in a mirror, dimly") and that all that he knows is "partial and incomplete".

Paul knows he doesn't know it all … and he doesn't need to either. I am sure he would have liked to have known but he was content to leave the full knowing to God. Here is a faith that is willing to live with mystery … and one that includes paradox, ambiguity and even contradictions. Paul doesn't have to figure everything out or control everything in order to believe … and to fully trust in God.

Here is a man with unbelievable humility! What a contrast to the pride and arrogance that is too common in Christianity today, with so many individuals and groups thinking they have a corner on the truth and that those who don't see things their way are heretics.

This is not a commendation of ignorance nor a denial of the importance of truth. It's a reminder that truth is found in a Person (Jesus) and none of us know it all, which means we need to walk in humility and be willing to learn from each other. It requires that we trust God in areas where we don't understand. That's what faith is all about. There are certain things that reason cannot explain or comprehend. 

Oh, and did I mention that Paul earlier (vs.2) elevates LOVE above everything else – including having the gift of prophecy, understanding all of God's secret plans and possessing all knowledge (something that he goes on to say none of us do)?  

Ah, the joy of not knowing it all … and not having to. I can rest and put my trust … in Christ alone. Paul – may your tribe increase! 

Mark Conner Quotes, Spirituality

Henri Nouwen on Finding Our Identity in Christ

HenriFrom Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen (1932-1996):

 “Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope: 'May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.' But as long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burn-out. This is the way to spiritual death … 

I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness.

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved". Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence … 

You have to keep unmasking the world about you for what it is: manipulative, controlling, power-hungry, and, in the long run, destructive. The world tells you many lies about who you are, and you simply have to be realistic enough to remind yourself of this. Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: 'These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting belief.”

Mark Conner Family, Relationships

Modern Family (Pt.3) – Singleness

Today, let’s talk about being single. Singles are people who have never married (because they chose not to marry or have not found a partner) or those who have been married but are single again because of the death of a spouse or through divorce. This includes single parents.

American theologian Stanley Hauerwas argues that Christianity was the very first religion to hold up single adulthood as a viable way of life. Nearly all ancient religions and cultures made an absolute value of the family and of bearing children, which was seen as the only way to significance and leaving a legacy. In ancient cultures, long-term single adults were considered to be living a human life that was less than fully realised. But Christianity’s founder, Jesus Christ, and leading theologian, St Paul, were both single. Early Christianity affirmed the goodness of single life as no other faith or worldview ever had, never pressuring people to marry.

As part of a church family, singles should never lack brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, in Christ.  The future is guaranteed by God, not by having a family. Singleness is not “Plan B for the Christian life.” Marriage is not a superior status to singleness or visa versa. Yes, God created marriage but it is not a requirement for everyone. Both marriage and singleness are appropriate options for life.

Jesus, the Single

Through his death and resurrection, Jesus brought about the long-awaited redemption of humanity. His teaching instructs us how to live our life but his entire life itself is an example for us. Jesus was a fulfilled and joyful person, although single and unmarried. Single people can learn a lot from how Jesus lived.

1. Develop a Close Relationship with your Heavenly Father (Identity)

Jesus’ relationship with his Father was central to who he was as a person. They had a close and intimate relationship, Jesus using the term “Abba, Father”, or Daddy (Mark 14:36. John 11:41; 12:27, 28; 15:16; 17:1, 5, 11, 21, 24, 25). Jesus took regular time to talk to his Father and this relationship was clearly the source of his identity, his security, his approval, his fulfilment and his contentment. This enabled Jesus to face opposition, criticism, fame and popularity, slander, lies, rejection (forsaken by even his close friends), verbal attack, injustice and physical abuse.

Each one of us has a strong need for a sense of identity, acceptance, love, security, approval, and significance. We can easily look for this in relationships, including marriage, or in achievement. But these are unstable sources for these primary needs. Anything, even a good thing, that we make the primary thing in our life becomes an “idol” that replaces what God alone can be for us. Jesus came to reveal the Father to each one of us (John 14:6) and to provide a way for us to have an intimate relationship with him so that we too could find this strong sense of identity in our relationship with Him. Through Christ, we can have spiritual birth into God’s family (John 1:12-13. 1 John 3:1-2. Gal.4:4-7. Rom.8:15. 2 Cor.6:17-18. Matt.5:16; 6:1, 6, 8; 7:11). We need a revelation of Father God and an ongoing dynamic relationship with Him, walking in his amazing love for us (Eph.1:17; 3:14-21).

Unfortunately, because of the breakdown of marriage and family relationships, we often end up with distorted concept of God as a Father. However, no matter what our earthly father was like, God is a perfect Father – kind and just in all His ways. Father God loves us unconditionally, not based on our performance (Rom.5:8. 1 Jn.4:7-10, 16-18); he gives us a sense of worth and value; in him we have a sense of identity, security and significance as sons and daughters of the living God; he provides us with appropriate discipline, when necessary because he loves us (Heb.12:4 11); and he cares for us, giving us his protection and provision. Do you know God as your Father? How is your relationship with Him?

2. Build Healthy Friendships (Belonging)

As strong as Jesus’ relationship was with His Father, he wasn’t a loner. He developed many friendships and relationships with other people including his natural family, his twelve disciples (of which Peter, James and John were his closest friends), and a number of women who he had healthy non-romantic relationships with (Matt.27:55-56; Luke 8:1-3). Jesus did life in community with others and thereby experienced a strong sense of belonging in his life.

God created us to communicate and relate to others. No one is born to live alone or in isolation (Gen.2:18). We all need to be accepted, loved and have a sense of belonging. Two are better than one (Ecc.4:9-12) and good times are spent with friends. Our friends influence us probably more than anyone else (Prov.12:26. 1 Cor.15:33-34). Therefore, it is important to choose the right friends. Good friendships don’t just happen. They are built over time. They require genuine love, which is putting the interests of the other person before our own (1 Cor.13:4-8a. John 15:12-13. 1 Pet.4:7-8), and loyalty, which includes being faithful and trustworthy (Prov.17:17; 18:24).

Romantic relationships need to be handled with care, understanding the difference between friendship (platonic relationships), romance (dating or going out with a potential marriage partner) and marriage (preceded by engagement). When we move too far, too soon there is the possibility of hurt, pain, broken relationships, and emotional scars. God’s will is sexual purity before and within marriage. When choosing a potential marriage partner, consider compatibility (spiritual life, character, personality, background, physical attraction and life purpose), affirmation from family and trusted friends, and the test of time.

3. Serve a Cause Beyond Yourself (Purpose)

Jesus gave his life for a cause beyond himself. He lived for others, in genuine love, compassion and concern. He focused his energy and zeal into extending God’s work on the earth (John 10:15). He came to serve and to give (Phil.2:5-11. Jn.13:1-17. Mt.20:27-28). Jesus lived and died for others.

Selfishness is a major problem in our society today. Whether single or married, it is easy to spend our time, money and energy on selfish pursuits, to be pre-occupied with our own needs, desires, and interests. Jesus died for our sin and our selfishness, and he desires us to die to self and live for God and others (Mark 8:34-37). Each one of us has unique talents, abilities and spiritual gifts. God wants us to use them to serve others and to advance His cause in the world. This requires us to renew our mind and change our thinking (Rom.12:1-2). It’s a call to be other’s centred living (Phil.2:5). It’s about waking up each day with a mindset that says, “I am a servant”. Take initiative. Commit yourself to the service of God and others – at home, work, church, school, and in our world. Serving a cause beyond yourself leads to greater joy, meaning and fulfilment in life.

Sample Reflection Questions

  1. Ask the singles how they felt about this message in the Modern Family series. What was most helpful? What else could have been said?

  2. How can married couples and families in the church make single people more welcome?

  3. In what ways is singleness sometimes considered “Plan B” in our Western culture?

  4. Reflect on the potential impact of knowing God as our Father and drawing our identity and significance from who we are, not what we do.

  5. What are some important principles for followers of Christ to consider when dating someone?

  6. Some singles fear marriage, preferring their independence. How can we help people avoid the “You aren’t a whole person until you’re married” mentality and the “You shouldn’t marry until you have professionally made it big and you find the perfect partner who won’t try to change you in any way” message that often comes from our contemporary culture?

  7. Consider some ways single people can develop a sense of living for a cause beyond themselves.

Mark Conner Humour

Kid’s Doctrine

How's this for some kid's doctrine, taken straight from Sunday School …

  • "The first book of the Bible is the book of geniuses in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
  • "Noah’s wife’s name was Joan of Arc."
  • "Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night."
  • "Samson slayed the Philipines with the axe of the apostles."
  • "Unleavened bread is bread that is made without ingredients."
  • " Moses went to the top of Mount Sianide to get the 10 commandments and the seventh one is, 'Thou shalt not admit adultery'."
  • "Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."
  • "Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption."
  • "The people who followed Jesus were the 12 decibels."
  • "The epistles were the wives of the apostles."
  • "A Christian should only have one wife. That’s called monotony."

"Out of the mouths of babes …"

[Source Unknown]Kids

Mark Conner Family, Leadership

The Life of a Preacher’s Kid

PkI am a PK – a "preacher's kid" or a TO – a "theological offspring", as my father used to call me. Growing up in a pastor's or minister's home is not easy. Many people think you should be perfect or at least have an extra holiness gene. It's just not true. Your surname brings all sorts of pressures and expectations, many of them unrealistic. No wonder far too many PKs drop out of the church and some from faith altogether. 

I am a survivor. People often ask me why. It's hard to explain … but a few things I do mention are:

1. My parents were the real deal. They were the same on the platform as they were off. No masks. No pretending. Life integrity influences more than any words that could be said.

2. My parents never expected me to be perfect. Sure, they disciplined me when I messed up, but they let people know that I was a normal kid, like everyone else, and not to put undue pressure on me.

3. They never pressured me or my sister to be in church ministry. In fact, they encouraged us to do other things, knowing that if God called us, it would all sort out. Funny enough, both my sister and I have been involved in church work for most of our adult lives. 

4. They made ministry life fun. We got to go places, do things and meet people that many people never have the opportunity for. I was enriched by all of these experiences. 

Other than that and even with all of this, I still know it is the grace of God at work in my life that has me where I am today – nothing more, nothing less. It's all God – for each one of us. You can't get much beyond this simply yet profound truth:

Eph.2:8-10. Saving is all God's idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing. Message Bible

Do you know a preacher's kid? Why not reach out to them today and let them know you love and appreciate them, just for who they are – not because of the family they belong to.

Here is a recent article about preacher's kids that's worth the read:

Beneath the Stereotypes – a Stressful Life for Preacher's Kids

The day Franklin Graham was born, he received a telegram. “Welcome to this sin-sick world,” the Western Union message said, “and to the challenge you have to walk in your daddy’s footsteps." It didn’t take long for Graham, the son of famed evangelist Billy Graham, to realize that being a preacher’s kid would be both a blessing and a burden. “I love my parents,” Graham said in a recent interview, “but there came a time where I couldn’t let my parents live my life.” After a rebellious youth, Graham found a straight and narrow path that took him to the pulpit and the helm of his father’s Billy Graham Evangelistic Association.

But for every Franklin Graham, there’s a Friedrich Nietzsche, the atheist philosopher whose father was a Lutheran minister. For every Condoleezza Rice, there’s an Alice Cooper, the heavy-metal singing, fake-blood spouting son of a preacher man.  

Beneath the stereotypes of preacher’s kids as either goody two-shoes or devilish hellions lies a tense and sometimes taxing reality, the children of clergy say. Studies show that many PK’s, as the lingo goes, struggle with issues of identity, privacy and morality. There’s even a support group, Preacher’s Kids International, dedicated to the “celebration and recovery of those who grew up in the parsonage.”

It’s unclear how the pressures of life as a prominent pastor’s child affected Matthew Warren, who took his own life on April 5. Warren was the son of megachurch pastor Rick Warren. Warren and leaders of his Saddleback Church in Orange County, Calif., declined to comment on Matthew, who was 27 when he died. After his son’s death, Warren said in a statement that Matthew had “struggled from birth from mental illness, dark holes of depression.” If Matthew Warren also battled with his role as the son of a world famous pastor and bestselling author, Rick Warren did not mention it in his brief statement. Still, after Matthew Warren’s death, several pastors and children of clergy stepped forward to offer empathy.

Jay Bakker, the son of televangelists Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, said he identifies with Matthew Warren as a fellow PK and as someone who has also suffered from depression. Jay Bakker, the son of televangelists Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, said he identifies with Matthew Warren as a fellow PK and as someone who has also suffered from depression. “It’s especially hard because his dad wrote the book `The Purpose Driven Life,’ which has this incredibly optimistic tone,” Bakker said. “My parents wrote the same kind of books, and it was like, 'Things are good for everyone else. What’s wrong with me?' I can’t imagine the pressure he must have felt.”

Preacher’s kids are often considered an extension of their parents’ ministry, Bakker said, and are expected to put on a happy face, even during tough times. At the height of the Bakker’s success during the 1980s, before their fall from grace, they sent thousands of copies of Jay’s school photos to loyal viewers of their show “PTL.” “You start to feel like you’re a prop,” Bakker said, “because you know that, behind the scenes, mom and dad fought on the way to church.”

Baptist pastor Corey Hodges said Matthew Warren’s death prompted him to reflect on the lives of his own three boys. “A pastor’s family has to share him or her with church-members,” Hodges wrote in his hometown paper, The Salt Lake Tribune. When tragedy strikes, pastors are expected to counsel their congregation, even if it means missing their children’s basketball games and school plays. “My boys masked their disappointment, but being a child of a pastor myself, I understood how much it hurt them,” Hodges wrote.

The children of non-Christian clergy struggle with similar issues, writes Israel N. Levitz in “A Practical Guide to Rabbinic Counseling." “It is well known,” Levitz writes, “that the higher expectations placed upon children of clergy create for them inordinate difficulties in growing up.” As Levitz notes, many rebel against those expectations, acting out to gain attention from their parents and to assert their own identity.

For Franklin Graham, his crusading father was often away from home, schoolmates tested his toughness and his behavior was scrutinized for chinks in the Graham family honor. He struggled to forge his own identity while remaining true to his father’s evangelical ideals. He didn’t always succeed: he fought, drank, smoked and got kicked out of college.

“It wasn’t that I wanted to rebel against God or my parents,” Graham said, “I just wanted to live my own life. But the more I thought I was going to have fun and show my independence, the more miserable I became.”

After a series of its own dramatic twists, Jay Bakker’s life has arrived fairly close to where it began. Like his infamous father, he’s a pastor. The first service at his new Revolution Church in Minneapolis will be on May 12. Bakker is married but doesn’t have children of his own yet. When he does start a family, he’s sure of at least one thing. “I wouldn’t use my kids in my ministry,” he said. “I’ll probably be a stay-at-home dad.”

[Full Article]

Mark Conner Family

Modern Family (Pt.2) – Parenting

ParYou can become a parent in an instant but learning the art
of parenting can take a lifetime. Children don’t come with instructions but
thankfully we can glean God’s wisdom through the Scriptures, from other
effective parents, and from the common sense that comes from life experience. God
describes himself in parental terms (as a “Father”) and calls us his
“children.” Each one of us has the
opportunity to be “born again” spiritually into God's family (John 1:11-13.
Rom.8:14-16. Gal.4:4-7. 1John 3:1-2). No matter what our natural family
situation may have been God wants to be a perfect spiritual parent to his
children. As we reflect on the character and behaviour of God, we can learn
much about parenting.

The Art of Parenting

1. Love Unconditionally

Our Father God is a God
of love (1 John 4:7-10, 16-18). Genuine
love is not merely an emotion but a choice to act in the best interests of
another person. God’s love toward us is his desire for our ultimate good.
“Unconditional love” is not a term used specifically in the Bible, but it is a
biblical concept. What’s amazing about God’s love for us is that it is not
based on our performance or any specific conditions we have to meet. In fact,
he chooses to love us despite our sin and our weakness. When God’s first
children, Adam and Eve, disobeyed his clear command, God the Father was
obviously very disappointed with them and he had to discipline them. But he did
not destroy them or disown them. He still acted in a loving manner towards
them. He moved towards them to restore the relationship. God the Father does
the same to us (see Rom.5:8-11). He is
quick to forgive us when we humbly confess our sins. He is patient,
long-suffering and slow to anger. Amazingly, his forgiveness is unlimited,
based on our confession and repentance (Ps.103:1-5, 9-14. 1 Jn.1:9). We can be
secure in his love because nothing can separate us from his it (Rom.8:35). His
love will never fail (1 Cor.13:8). He has promised to never leave us or forsake
us.

As parents we need to take a loving stance towards our
children no matter what they do. Our love for them is based on the fact that
they are ours. We must beware of creating a performance-based environment that
causes our children to be uncertain of our love and as a result always seeking
our approval. Let’s ask God to fill us with his kind of love – a love that
reaches out towards people, no matter what. Love means giving people our
acceptance, as well as our time and our attention.

2. Affirm Frequently

God the Father expresses his love in a variety of ways, one
of which is affirmation or encouragement. Notice his encouragement of Jesus
during his time on earth (Matt.3:16-17; 17:5). On a daily basis, Jesus knew and
experienced his Father’s love and affirmation. He was always speaking about his
Father and was able to stand against strong opposition and criticism because he
knew he was doing his Father’s will.

Affirm and encourage your children as people – not just for
what they can or can’t do. Our words are very powerful (Prov.18:21.
Eph.4:29-32). Authority figures carry great power and influence. God calls us
as parents to use that for good – for building up rather than tearing down. To
put in qualities such as hope, courage, confidence and faith – not fear,
timidity and doubt. Affirmation takes time, good listening and attention. We
all thrive under encouragement, affirmation and praise. Praise becomes a
motivator for proper behaviour.

3. Instruct Clearly

Father God does not leave us to figure out life by
ourselves. He gives us clear instructions about every area of life and explains
why his way is full of wisdom. Notice his approach to Adam and Eve
(Gen.2:15-17) as well as to his people, Israel (Deut.30:11-19).  Jesus did the same for his followers and we
have the written word of God for our instruction (2 Tim.3:16-17).

As parents, we are to instruct our children in God’s way of
living. We are to make our expectations clear as well as consequences. Then we
need to be consistent in following through (see Eph.6:4). Frustration for
children often comes from unclear expectations and/or inconsistent follow
through. We are to show our children how to live successfully and why. We don’t
just want rote obedience when we’re around but we want to build values and morals
into our children that will guide them to make right choices even when we’re
not around. A good parent teaches about what is important in life. Train your
child in the way they should go (Prov.22:6). This involves modelling values and
character to your children (see Deut.6:1-9). Children do not respond to rules
alone. They respond to relationships. Josh McDowell says, “Rules without
relationships lead to rebellion.”

4. Discipline Lovingly 

Father God is not just a
loving forgiving God who is so soft that never deals with our disobedience.
Because he loves us he also disciplines us when we need it (Heb.12:4-12).
Disobedience displeases the Father. It is a direct assault on his authority and
leadership. Also, the consequences of disobedience destroy us. As
parents, we have a responsibility to lovingly discipline our children
(Prov.29:17). Unless there are painful consequences for disobedience, obedience
will never be learned. How we do that is very important. God
does not want us to abuse or harshly punish our children in a way that damages
them. We must be especially careful not to discipline in anger.

5. Empower Fully

God is not a controlling Father. He is a releasing Father
who wants his children to grow up and take responsibility for their lives. He desires
to empower us to full maturity and to join him in his work on planet earth. We
see this with Adam and Eve. He gave them a free will – the ability to choose. 

As children grow and become teenagers and then young adults
we as parents must empower them more and more – to make their own decisions and
to be responsible for their lives. The degree of empowerment is determined by
the maturity. We are responsible “to” raise our children and teach them God’s
ways but as they grow and come of age they are responsible “for” their own
choices and we have to release them to that responsibility (Rom.14:12). This
doesn’t mean we don’t care, or pray or seek to influence, but we have to
gradually let them go. This also means that we should not take inappropriate guilt
upon ourselves as parents if our children make unwise choices. There are a lot
of parents who feel that they are failures because their children are not
serving God or have made unwise choices in their lives. If that’s true then God
the Father is a failure because his first kids blew it badly! As parents we
must empower our children fully – then pray, trust God and believe that the
seeds you have planted will bear good fruit in due time.

Sample Reflection Questions

1. What were your natural parents like and how has
that influenced your view of God?

2. Reflect on the concept of “unconditional love”.

3. Think about some of the unique joys and challenges
of the different stages of a child’s life (baby, toddler, primary school age,
teenager, young adult, etc) and how it relates to parenting.

4. What are some of the changes that need to take
place in a parent’s approach as a child moves into the teenage then young adult
years?

5. What are some keys to helping children find
their own relationship with God?

6. Consider the concept of “personal responsibility”
as outlined in Ezekiel 18:20 and Romans 14:12. How does this relate to the role
God requires of parents and leaders?

7. How can we provide more support for single
parents, foster parents and blended families?

Part 3 – Singleness

Mark Conner Special Events

Happy Mother’s Day!

MumTomorrow is Mother's Day, a day to honour mothers all around the world. Mother's are special people who we owe so much to – in addition to our very existence!

Mother's are faithful, loyal, hard working (where do mother's go when they want to resign?), loving and caring. We honour and applaud them at this time.

My mother, Joyce Conner, was an amazing person who had a huge impact on my life, before she passed away very suddenly back in 1990. We miss her very much but her life lives on through her influence. Anything God does through me during my lifetime, I see as her reward – for all the seeds she planted in my heart and life.

Nicole's mother, affectionately called 'Oma,' passed away quite suddenly too in December 2007. She was such an amazing woman (the best mother-in-law you could ever have!) and we miss her so much. She touched so many lives through her smile, her love and her selfless approach to life. 

If at all possible, be sure to lavish lots of love and appreciation on your mother today … and every day.  After all, as I found out, we must love them while we can, because they won't always be around.

Here are a few thoughts about how we see our mother …

THE IMAGES OF MOTHER

  • At 4 years old we say: "My Mummy can do anything!"
  • At 8 years old: "My Mum knows a lot! A whole lot!"
  • At 12 years old: "My Mother doesn't really know quite everything."
  • At 14 years old: "Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either."
  • At 16 years old: "Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned."
  • At 18 years old: "That old woman? She's way out of date!"
  • At 25 years old: "Well, she might know a little bit about it."
  • At 35 years old: "Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion."
  • At 45 years old: "Wonder what Mum would have thought about it?"
  • At 65 years old: "I wish I could talk it over with Mum."

[Author Unknown]

Mark Conner Relationships

The Power of Encouragement


Enc"So encourage each other and build each other up,
just as you are already doing (1 Th. 5:11).” 

We all thrive on praise and
encouragement. It motivates us and brings out the best in us. Encouragement is
like oxygen to the soul. We tend to become what the most important people in
their lives think we can become. Encouragement can be given in various forms –
listening (Jas.1:19), empathy (Rom.12:15), comfort (2 Cor.1:3-4) and words of appreciation.

Jesus – the Great Encourager

EXAMPLE 1: Paul had been ministering
in Corinth with good results but also with much opposition. Jesus appears to
Paul at night through a dream to encourage him.

Acts
18:9-10. One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: "Do not be afraid;
keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to
attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city."  NIV

"Keep it up and don't let
anyone intimidate or silence you. No matter what happens, I'm with you and no
one is going to hurt you. You have no idea how many people I have on my side in
this city." [The Message Bible]

Result?
Paul stayed in Corinth for 18 months and established a flourishing church and
reached out to the surrounding regions of Achacia (2 Cor.1:1).

EXAMPLE 2: Paul has been arrested in
Jerusalem because of his witness about the Lord Jesus. There is much opposition
and antagonism directed at him by the religious leaders and the Jewish people.
Jesus appears again to Paul at night to encourage him.

Acts
23:11. The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, "Take
courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify
in Rome." NIV

"It's going to be all right.
Everything is going to turn out for the best. You've been a good witness for me
here in Jerusalem. Now you're going to be my witness in Rome!" [The
Message Bible] 

Result?
Paul went on to preach the gospel in Rome. God preserved him from a death plot,
shipwreck, imprisonment and many other difficulties. He finished his course well.

EXAMPLE 3: Paul had finally made it
to Jerusalem, barely escaping losing his life and was now on the way to Rome as
a prisoner on board a ship (Acts 27). Just to make things worse, they
encountered very bad weather and lost a lot of time. Despite Paul's warning of
further disaster, they kept sailing and were hit by a terrible storm, which
caused the ship to lose control. Luke records that "it had been many days
since we had seen either sun or stars. Wind and waves were battering us
unmercifully and we lost all hope of rescue."

Acts
27:23-24. Last night an angel of the God whose I am and whom I serve stood
beside me and said, `Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before
Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.' NIV 

"Don't give up Paul. You're
going to stand before Caesar yet – and everyone sailing with you is also going
to make it." [The Message Bible]

As
a result, Paul was able to encourage the other 276 passengers and bring them
all to safety after 14 nights in the deep. Once on land, Paul was bitten by a
snake but miraculously, was not harmed! The father of the main leader on the
island, Publius, was sick and Paul prayed for him and he was healed. This
resulted in everyone on the island who was sick coming to Paul and being healed
as well as hearing the good news of Jesus Christ.

Lessons:

1. Life and Ministry
can be both fulfilling and challenging (frustrating)!

This is a FACT! There will be times
of pressure. There will be storms, obstacles and opposition. God is building
His church and it involves a spiritual battle (Mt.16:18-19; 11:12). Expect it
and don't let it surprise you or stop you. Get used to it but don't be afraid.
Don't allow other people, opposition or difficult circumstances to intimidate
you or cause you to be quiet.

Matt
16:18-20. Now I say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build
my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it. And I will give you
the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you lock on earth will be locked in
heaven, and whatever you open on earth will be opened in heaven." NLT 

Matt
11:12-13. From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven
has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it. NIV

2. Perseverance
is essential.

Jesus tells Paul to keep it up. Speak and do not be silent.
Don't stop. Never quit. You're doing the right thing. Keep at it. Just keep
going, doing what God has told you to do. Don't give up. Don't quit. Don't
throw in the towel. God is with you, so keep on going. You will make it if you
just hold on.

Some things need to be continually
done – over and over again. 

Gal 6:9-10.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a
harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good
to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. NIV

1 Cor
15:58. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always
give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor
in the Lord is not in vain. NIV 

3. God
is in control.

God wants us to have an assurance
that everything will be all right! He wants us to take courage – to not fear or
doubt. Though everything around you seems to be falling apart, remember, God is
in control. Nothing happens to you without God being aware of it and permitting
it to happen. He is working out all things for an ultimate purpose. His
promises are faithful and true.

Rom 8:28.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose. NIV 

No matter what happens, God is with you. He will never leave
you. He is working with you, in you and through you. We are co-workers (partners)
with God as we build the church. We can be assured of victory because He is
with us. He will not let us fail or fall. He will uphold and strengthen us.

God promises that you WILL get to Rome. You will reach the
destiny He has for you. His word to you will come to pass. He will protect you. The storm won't stop you. You will
make it through. God is in control. Your life is in His hands. You'll make it –
you won't fail or fall. God is working all things together for your ultimate
good that His purpose might be achieved. 

4. God
is pleased with faithful obedience.

If you’re doing what God asked you
to do with the best of your ability, know that He is pleased with you and your
efforts. You've done a good job. God is proud of you. You're learning, growing
and applying yourself. You're doing great! Don't minimise what you've done or
how well you're doing. God is pleased with you.

Matt 25:21. "His
master replied, 'Well done , good and faithful servant! You have been faithful
with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your
master's happiness!' NIV

Heb 6:10. God is not
unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you
have helped his people and continue to help them. NIV

5. The
best is yet to come!

Live with a sense of anticipation. You’ll do a better job
yet. God’s purpose for you will be fulfilled. You'll reach your destination.
It'll happen because God has planned it and ordained it. There is more yet to
be done. You haven't arrived. God has greater things for you to do. There’s
more, much more.

Keep a positive optimistic attitude about the future. There
are many good things ahead. Your work is not in vain, but will bring a great
harvest. There will be a reward for your work. There are "many
people" in the city that will come to me. Everything will turn out for the
best. Have a positive attitude of faith and hope about the future.

Jer. 29:11.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. NIV

Mark Conner Current Issues

Tax Blues on the Increase in Australia

TaxIs Australia becoming a nation of whiners? The third survey of opinions on tax – for 2012 by Per Capita shows more of us believe we pay too much tax in a system that is less fair. Per Capita says Australia has the fifth lowest tax burden of the 34 OECD countries, only higher than South Korea, Chile, the US and Mexico, and yet 50% of us believe we are 'over-taxed', up from 44% in 2010. And the proportion of people who think they pay too much tax increases as income increases.

[Source: Money Magazine, May 2013 – Issue 156]

 

Mark Conner Family

Modern Family (Pt.1): Marriage

MarrGod invented marriage as a covenant relationship between a
man and a woman (Gen.2:18-25). Marriage is one of the most intimate of human
relationships, as a husband and wife join every aspect of their lives together
for life. Getting married is easy but building a strong marriage takes time and
effort. A great wedding doesn’t make a great marriage. The key to any great
marriage is LOVE – a commitment to put the best interests of the other person before
our own. Let’s look at four important steps we can take to build a great
marriage.

1. Lay a Good Foundation

If you want to build something to last, you need to start
with a strong foundation, and a marriage is no different (Prov.24:3-4). Some
good questions to ask are: Why did you get married? What is the purpose of your
marriage? What holds you together? Ingredients of a strong foundation include:
faith in God, friendship, commitment and an understanding of partnership.   

See your marriage as a friendship,
not merely a functional relationship. The reason that God created Eve was as a
friend and partner for Adam (Gen.2:18). Up until that time, Adam was alone and
needed relationship with someone compatible to him. Like any friendship,
marriage requires ongoing time and effort in order to keep growing closer
together rather than drifting apart.

Include commitment in the foundation of your marriage. True love is a commitment not just a feeling. Feelings come and go; commitment stays the same. Character is the ability to carry out a decision long after the emotion in which that decision was made is gone. Strong and long-lasting marriages are not necessarily problem free, but they're committed to make it last. Make commitment, not feelings, the foundation of your family.

See your relationship as a partnership. Adam and Eve were both made in the image of God and
before sin they ruled together (Gen.1:27-28). After sin, gender wars entered as
did division and dominance (Gen.3:16-19). Jesus and Paul, despite living in a
highly patriarchal society, made strong efforts to move us back to the
beginning where men and women are seen as equals before God (Gal.3:26-28). All
followers of Christ are to submit to one another in loving service (Eph.5:21).
Even when referring to the man as the “head“ of the home (one of the most
abused Scriptures in the Bible), Paul used the sacrificial servant leadership of Jesus as our example (Eph.5:22-33). Healthy marriages are not hierarchical and there
is no room for suppression, abuse or domination. Like the love modelled by the
Trinity, the husband and wife are to model genuine love for the other, always
acting in the best interests of one another and the family (including in
decision-making).   

Our relationship with God is vital as it is the source of the love that we need to deal with the sinful selfishness we are all prone to and to put the other person first in sacrificial love. Lack of a vital spiritual life is at the root of most relational problems. Praying and serving God’s purposes together can add great strength to a marriage. After all, a 3-fold cord is not easily broken (Ecc.4:12).

2. Offer Love Meaningfully

Genuine love is essential to any healthy relationship. It is
the glue that holds people together over time. Learning to express and
communicate our love is a skill to be developed. It’s easy to say “I love you”
but do our lives say the same thing and are we sharing that love in a way that
is meaningful to our spouse?

There are different ways of expressing love and each of them
can be seen as a language. Five common “love languages” are: (1) encouraging
words (Prov.18:21. Eph.4:29), (2) serving (Mark 10:45. Gal.5:13. Phil.2:3-7),
(3) giving gifts (John 3:16. Acts 20:35), (4) spending time together
(Eph.5:15-17), and (5) appropriate physical touch (Mark 10:16). Discover the
primary love language of your spouse and make an intentional effort to
communicate love to them in a way that is meaningful to them on a regular basis.

3. Value the Art of Conversation

Someone once said, “Marriage is one long conversation, with
an occasional disagreement along the way.” All relationships are built,
maintained and developed through communication. When communication breaks down,
so do relationships. Communication involves listening and speaking. James gives
us some good advice about this: “My dear
brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen,
slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19. NIV).” Learn the art of
asking good questions and then of listening attentively. Seek first to
understand then to be understood. Communication is the key to understanding and
understanding is the key to intimacy. Value and appreciate the differences. Talk about everything (God, friendship, family, sex,
career, church, etc). Be open and honest
with each other. Share your deepest feelings – hopes and fears. Make regular
time for uninterrupted conversation.

4. Endure the Rough Patches

No marriage is problem-free. It is inevitable that
challenges, problems, conflicts and disagreements will occur along the journey
of life for any husband and wife. How we navigate these times determines the
health and strength of the marriage. Marriages with the biggest problems don't necessarily
break up. It's the way we respond that is most important. Challenges can make
us stronger and even bring us closer together, if they are handled well.

Learn to deal with conflict in a constructive manner. Anger
gets us in trouble but it is pride that keeps us there. Be humble, apologise
for wrongs you have done and choose to forgive (Eph.4:26-32). Attack the
problem, not the person. Learn to reconnect emotionally after a conflict. The
prime destroyer of marriage is hard heartedness. If you get stuck, then don't be
embarrassed to ask for help. Attend a marriage enrichment seminar or see a
pastor, a counsellor or a mature Christian.

[For more BLOG posts on this important topic, see Marriage Matters]

Sample Reflection Questions

 1. If you are married, reflect on your marriage. How did you meet? What first attracted you to your spouse? What are
some of the joys of marriage? What are some of the challenges? What keeps you together?

2. What part does a relationship with God play in a
Christian marriage?

3. Reflect on the the concept of “partnership” as it
relates to marriage.

4. The Bible says nothing specific about the “role”
of a husband or wife, especially when it relates to certain tasks. Consider some
of the inherited traditions and cultural stereotypes that exist today.

5. Think about the five “love languages” – encouraging words,
serving, giving gifts, spending time together, and physical tough. What is your primary love language as well as that of your partner? How
can this awareness help enrich your marriage relationship?

6. What are some ways to add freshness and excitement
into a marriage, when things may have become a bit stale or routine due to
familiarity?

7. What are some keys to resolving a conflict
effectively?

8. How can we deal with anger in a more
constructive manner within marriage?

9. What are some steps we can take to “affair-proof”
a marriage relationship?

10. Take some time to pray for your spouse and your marriage relationship. 

Part 2 – Parenting

More Marriage Matters

Mark Conner Family

Modern Family

FamilyA Changing Culture

Just mention the word “family” in society today and you’ll get a variety of opinion and perspectives on what it is and what it should be. Changes to the family are reflected in the typical TV family. We've come a long way from Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, The Cosby Show and The Brady Bunch (anyone remember The Munsters or The Adams' Family?) through shows like Friends (a bunch of friends living together in a pseudo-family), The Simpsons and now Modern Family.

The traditional “nuclear family” (a dad and mum and a few kids) is becoming less common (some sociologists would say “extinct”). Of course, in many Asian cultures, the “extended family” (including grandparents and other relatives) is still the norm. In the West, more and more people are living alone, single parent families are becoming more common, as are de facto marriages (including children – in 2009, 35% of births were outside of marriage) and blended or step families (as of 1997, 1 in 3 marriages in Australia is now a remarriage).

[For statistical purposes, the Australian Bureau of Statistics now defines families as: Two or more persons, one of whom is at least 15 years of age, who are related by blood, marriage (registered or de facto), adoption, step or fostering; and who are usually resident in the same household. That is, members of families who live in different households are not treated as part of the same family unit]

Currently, here in Australia 43% of first marriages end in divorce; 50% of second marriages end in divorce; and 70% of subsequent marriages break up.

All of this has huge ramifications for society.

• More and more kids are growing up in fragile homes (the number of children who do not reach the age of 15 in an intact family with both of their biological parents has almost doubled within a generation).

• Family conflict and parental separation has adverse effects on children

• There is an increase in child abuse and neglect.

• More children are in out-of-home care.

• Issues for teenagers are on the rise, including binge drinking, self harming, risky sexual behaviour (at younger ages and with more people), mental disorders, and juvenile offences.

• More kids are growing up with out a dad around … an increasingly fatherless generation.

As followers of Christ, we are called to be in the world (doing life within the culture we find ourselves in, not isolated or removed from it) but not of the world (having a different ethic and value – that of love or self-giving sacrifice). We want all of our relationships to reflect the God we worship – a God who has revealed himself as love. That doesn’t just happen and it’s not easy. It requires the help of God’s Spirit and our commitment to be the kind of people who help to create healthy families and relationships, so that they are places of love, laugher and life … not of hatred, pain and damage. 

Part 1 – Marriage

Part 2 – Parenting

Part 3 – Singleness