Month: April 2011

One of the deepest needs in every human being is to be accepted – just as we are, warts and all. Some people will do almost anything … just to be accepted by others.

If you want to enhance your own relationships, why not give others the gift of acceptance. Choose to value and respect them – just as they are.

You know, subconsciously, we tend to have a rating scale for people and we treat them based on the value we place on them. If we’re walking down the hallway and someone who we think is a #10 comes along, we say, “Hi, how you going, good to see you!” (enthusiastically) If we meet someone who we think is a #2, we just say, “Hey …” If we see someone who is a -4 … we walk the other way!

We treat people based on the value we place on them. What is you started seeing everyone as a #10 and treating them that way? What a difference that could make in your world!

Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean approval … but it is a choice to respect people, no matter what.

Acceptance … think about it. 

We all know that relationships are central to our lives. Of course, developing close relationships with other people is not as easy as it sounds. 

I read an interesting book the other day with a great title: Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them. How true is that!

Have you ever bought something from a shop that said ‘as is?’ Right away, you know that that item is most likely slightly irregular or even damaged goods. It is not normal.  There will be no refunds, no returns and no exchanges.

That’s a bit what it’s like when we deal with humans. If you’re looking for perfection, you’ve walked down the wrong aisle. The sooner we realise this, the better. We need to develop realistic expectations.

Of course, the really painful part is that I am in the ‘as is’ department too. We don’t like to admit that. We’d rather separate the world into normal, healthy people (like us) … and difficult people (everybody else).

The truth is that no one is totally normal! We all have faults and flaws. The sooner we realise that, the better.

Expectations … think about it. 

The book of Genesis tells us the story of God creating the world. As God created various aspects of our world he declared them “good.” Then after creating human beings he said that this was “very good.” Then suddenly there is turn in the narrative. The writer tells us that God then said, “It is not good that man be alone.” Adam was not lonely – he had God and the animals – but he was alone, a solitary human being. So God made Eve as a friend and partner for him.

This story is not just about marriage but about our need for community – for relationships. None of us are designed to do life alone or in isolation. We need companionship as we journey through life. Most of us know that this to be true YET there a numbers of things that can become barriers to this becoming a reality.

Maybe its an unhealthy individualism, or a workaholic tendency, or a more introverted personality, or possibly a bad past experience. What’s holding you back? Take a step, reach out and connect with someone today. 

Relationships … think about it.

Have you ever had a conflict? Maybe a better question would be, “When was your last conflict?”

As we do life with other people it is inevitable that conflicts and disagreements will occur. How successfully we resolve those conflicts will have a big impact on our lives.

In most conflicts, there are wrongs on both sides. The trouble comes when we only focus on what the other person has done … rather than on our own contribution. Let’s say for example, that you’ve just had a conflict with another person and they were 90% wrong and you were 10% wrong. Don’t focus on their part; focus on yourself. Take care of your 10%.

Learn to say a few powerful words – from your heart.

• Firstly, “I’m sorry.” Those words can change an entire relationship.

• Then try this one, “I was wrong.”

• Finally, try this phrase, ”Would you forgive me?”

When we take responsibility for ourselves and respond to the heat of the moment with humility and kindness … the other person often softens and the conflict can more easily be resolved.

Apology … think about it.