Mark Conner Personal Development

No Worries! (Part 6)

Worry
 
Conclusion
 
As you can see from our recent conversation about worry, there are two things not worth worrying about:
  1. Those you can do something about. 
  2. Those you can't do something about. 
Simply take action on the former and trust God and pray about the latter. In other words, don't worry about anything! 
 
WHY break free from worry? 
 
First of all, it doesn't help us at all, unless it leads us to action. Secondly, it takes away our joy. You can't worry and be joyful at the same time! And finally, worry causes us to be consumed and preoccupied with our own needs. 
 
Jesus did actually give us a strategy for conquering worry. He said, instead of worrying, "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" (Matthew 6:33). In other words, get busy advancing God's work in the world, helping out, serving, bringing justice, showing mercy, and making a difference.
 
Imagine an entire group of people free from worry and being a blessing wherever they go!
 
That's what Jesus had in mind … for you and me. 
 
Say it with me, "No worries!"
 
OR Back to Part 1.
Mark Conner Personal Development

No Worries! (Part 5)

Worry
 
Place Your Trust in God
 
Now let's be honest, there are some things on our list of worries that we can't take action on. They are truly beyond our control. Yes, we can pray about them but we can't do anything about them. What do we do about that? 
 
This is where we can make a choice to place our trust in God. The wisdom of Proverbs puts it this way (Proverbs 3:5-6):
 
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." NLT
 
Just like the birds of the air and the lilies of the field in Jesus' teaching, we have a Father who watches over us and cares for us. This belief enables us to accept uncertainty and the things in life beyond our control. 
 
Our life is not subject to luck, fate or chance. There is a sovereign God who rules our world and the daily aspects of our life. 
 
Once again, we quote the apostle Paul who wrote (Romans 8:28):
 
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." NASB
 
Notice what it does NOT say:
  • It does NOT say that "God causes all things". He doesn't. We make choices and so do other people. There are other forces at work in the world.
  • It does NOT say that "all things are good". They are not. Sickness is not good nor are accidents nor is divorce nor is redundancy or poverty or war or death. 
  • It does NOT say that "all things have a happy ending." They don't. Not every business succeeds, not every team wins, not each relationship lasts forever, not every venture is incident free.

BUT God does cause all things – the good, the bad and the ugly – to work for an ultimate purpose for those who love him.

Think of the biblical character Joseph. He was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery in Egypt. He spent 13 long years in prison. Eventually, when he was reunited with his brothers he said this: "You meant it for evil (what had happened was wrong and painful, it was not 'good') … but God meant it for good (he used it for a higher purpose)." That's a powerful statement of trust in God's ability to orchestrate the story of our lives for something far greater. 
 
Are there some worries in your life today that are calling out a bold choice from you to trust God … in spite of their pain and difficulty? 
 
God can be trusted. Like Aslan the lion in C.S. Lewis' series The Chronicles of Narnia, God is not 'safe' (tame) but he is 'good'.
 
Mark Conner Personal Development

No Worries! (Part 4)

Worry
 
Offer a Prayer to God
 
In addition to taking action on our worries, we can also pray and talk to God about our concerns. 
 
The apostle Paul wrote this in a letter to some people living in the city of Philippi the first century (Philippians 4:6-7):
 
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." NLT
 
Sounds like Paul must have heard Jesus' teaching on worry which he gave years earlier. Word of mouth travels fast. 
 
I love how Eugene Peterson translates Paul's teaching in The Message Bible:
 
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
 
I love that phrase "shape your worries into prayers." 
 
Imagine if every time we started to worry we immediately shape that worry into a prayer. We sure would pray more! And we would probably experience far less worry. 
 
Try it today. Use worry as a trigger or reminder to talk to God about your concerns. Even if it is just a silent thought prayer. 
 
What a difference that can make as God's peace replaces worry at the centre of our heart and mind. 
 
Mark Conner Personal Development

No Worries! (Part 3)

Worry
 
Okay, what next?
 
Take action on your worries
 
As you look over your list of worries (you did this yesterday, didn't you?), ask yourself, "Can I do anything about this?"
 
Turn your worries into actions. Re-define them as problems and come up with solutions for each one of them. Then crowd out your worries by actually working on them. 
 
After all, worry can be useful … IF it gets your attention and motivates you to action. 
 
If the fuel light on your car dashboard is flashing red, don't worry about running out of petrol (or 'gas', for my American friends) or stress about the possibility of having to walk home. Simply turn your worry into an action. Turn into the nearest petrol station and fill up your tank. Worry will disappear immediately! 
 
I know that this is very deep and insightful wisdom for you here … but imagine if we did this for every worry on our list!
 
Has someone been a bit 'cool' towards you today at work? Don't allow your mind to spend the entire day wondering if they don't like you anymore or if they are gossiping about you. Turn your worry into action. Ask them if everything is alright. It's probably not even about you anyway. 
 
So, you haven't seen someone from your small group for over a month? Don't worry about whether they have left your group or whether they don't like you anymore more. Simply turn your worry into an action and give them a call. There is probably a very good explanation … and you'll save yourself all that wasted energy on worry.
 
What actions can you take today to start knocking off some of those worries on that list of yours?
 
Tomorrow: Part 4
Mark Conner Personal Development

No Worries! (Part 2)

Worry
Yesterday, we noted that Jesus tells us to STOP worrying. He doesn't tell us HOW to do so, so obviously he wants us to use our common sense and life experience to figure it out. 
 
Here are some practical ways I have found that we can actually do that on a day to day basis, using the acronym STOP.
 
Specify your worries. 
 
Ask yourself, "What am I worried about?" 
 
Often, worry becomes this dark cloud of vague concern that hovers over our mind, ruining our day. That's why it pays to define your worries. Make a list. Get them all out on paper so you can have a good look at them.
 
Research indicates that:
  • 40% of our worries will never happen.
  • 30% are in the past and we can't do anything about them. 
  • 12% are about health and worry makes our health worse!
  • 10% of our worries are about minor or petty things.
  • Only 8% of the things the average person worries about are what we could call legitimate. And half of them, another 4%, are beyond our control. 
So studies tell us that 96% of what we worry about is not worth worrying about! It's a waste of time and energy. 
 
Have you ever used a shopping trolley with one wheel that didn't work? It's so annoying! It's squealing and you're irritated and annoyed. It saps your joy and energy. Well, that's what one negative emotion, such as worry, does to your inner world. 
 
Think about it. Why worry about the unimportant, the unlikely and the irrelevant!?
 
I'll leave you now to work in creating that list … and we will talk more tomorrow in Part 3. 
Mark Conner Personal Development

No Worries! (Part 1)

Worry
 
One of the great Australian greetings is, "No worries!" The truth is, we do worry a lot. And let's face it, there is a lot to worry about. We can worry about our health, about our family, our relationships, our money, the weather, our career or job, whether our football team is going to make the finals, and about the future. Then, of course, there are all the global concerns – the economy, the environment, global warming, politics, and the growing threat of terrorism. That's a lot of worry fodder!
 
I have found that the more we worry, the worse we feel, then the worse we feel, the more we tend to worry. One worry feeds another. Out goes our joy. In many ways, worry is simply 'negative imagination'. It's like a downward spiral of anxiety, fear and concern, consuming a heap of our time and energy. 
 
Jesus understood the daily challenges that we face and that's why in one of his well-known sermons ("the sermon on the mount") he spoke about worry. 
 
Here is what he said (Matthew 6:25-34). 
 
"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
 
And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
 
So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 
 
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
 
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." NLT
 
Basically, Jesus says, if you are worrying … STOP it!
 
How do we do that? 
 
We will talk about that tomorrow in Part 2 …
Mark Conner Food and Drink, Personal Development

Weight Loss Tips

Weight
 
I'm not a doctor nor am I an expert on weight loss, by any means. However, I do know what it is to be skinny and I do know what it is to be overweight. I definitely prefer the former to the latter.
 
I'll never forget one day when I was carrying in a bag of oranges from the car after a grocery shop with my wife, Nicole. She noted that that one bag of oranges weighed 3 kilograms. Being overweight just 3 kgs is like carrying that bag of oranges around … all the time. It saps your energy and makes you feel more tired. Of course, if you are overweight by 6 kgs or 9 kgs, well that's just a lot more oranges you're taking for a ride … everywhere you go.
 
I know the challenges of trying to lose weight. Sometimes I feel like I almost need to starve myself in order to lose weight and even when I do, one bad day puts me right back to where I was again. It can be so frustrating and so discouraging. I feel terrible being overweight and I don't like the flab around my stomach, which looks bad and is a health hazard for me. I really want to change but I often struggle to find the discipline to do so.

 
Losing weight takes much more than jumping into some new fad diet. After all, diets only work while you are on the actual diet. We need more holistic lifestyle changes. Shedding those extra kilos takes more than regularly repeating a few motivational mantras such as, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!". It also takes a lot more than mere willpower, something we all have in limited supply. That's why our discipline often slackens by day's end due to something called 'self-control depletion' (our use of will power to resist temptation). 
 
For me, it is all about habits – developing small healthy habits every day. This creates progress over time and assists me in reducing my weight level and then keeping it off. Some form of structure or a set of daily routines helps to eliminate the need for recurring decisions.
 
Here are my TOP 10 habits of behavior and/or thinking for successful weight loss:
  1. Think ahead about your meals for any given day. Where are you eating and with who and what? As you get older you don't need as much food. So plan your meals and food quantities ahead of time. Three bigs meals a day aren't going to help you lose weight. Choose to eat smaller portions of food. Select an appetizer or entree rather than a main. Yes, smaller plates do help you to eat less food.
  2. Eat more slowly. Be the last person to start eating and the last to finish. That way your body gets a chance to know it's full. You probably won't go back for seconds! Eat only until you are 80% full. This slows down the body's metabolism.
  3. Have more home-cooked meals from fresh ingredients. Re-discover the joy of cooking. Learn to eat different types of food too. Prepare big batches and freeze the leftovers. 
  4. Eat as much natural food as possible - fruit and vegetables (prevents over-eating), seeds and nuts, beans and legumes, etc. It's the easiest way to lose weight. It is often neither laziness nor over-eating that makes us fat: it is what we eat. That's why exercising more and eating less will not necessarily prevent us from being overweight.
  5. Avoid processed foods as much as possible (which are full of sugar, salt, and fat). The fast-food industry has a dark side. Learn to not trust your taste buds. Beware of artificial flavoring.
  6. Reduce your intake of carbohydrates. This includes pasta, potatoes, noodles, rice, bread, desserts, and sweets or chocolates. Too many carbs make us fat … and sick.
  7. Beware of sugar, which is a real killer, working like a drug that leads to addiction.
  8. Drink lots of water – at least 4 glasses a day.
  9. Be physically active - walk, swim, hike. Get plenty of fresh air and sunshine. 
  10. Fast occasionally. It's good for your metabolism. See this excellent article on the benefits of intermittent fasting.
Make modest, incremental changes rather than big, sweeping ones. Make tradeoffs. Remember, the tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady always wins the race. The heavier you are, the more difficult it is to lose weight because you always feel much hungrier. Become aware of the triggers that influence your behavioral goals. Consider the people and situations that influence whether you achieve your goals or not. Feedback teaches us to see our environment as a triggering mechanism. Review every day and implement your learnings the following day. When you drift, simply get back on track. Get some help if you need too. See a doctor, join a gym or find a coach. Accountability and support from others are extremely helpful.
 
If you are keen to do a little extra homework, I have also found these resources very helpful:
Here's to long life and a healthier you!
 
P.S. See also yesterday's BLOG post Weight Loss Musings.
Mark Conner Food and Drink, Personal Development

Weight Loss Musings

Weight
 
As a teenager, I was as skinny as a rake. Even my bones stuck out of my shoulders. This often led to questions or laughs from both friends and strangers anytime I took my shirt off, like when swimming.
 
I could also eat like a horse. My dad used to jokingly say that if you were looking for the 'bottomless pit', I was it. I remember never being full. I could eat and eat endlessly. And did I mention that I was skinny?
 
We lived in Portland, Oregon at the time and there was this restaurant called Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor that everyone loved to go to. The biggest item on the menu was 'The Pig Trough'. It was a huge ice cream sundae with too many scoops of ice cream to count, covered with all the sugary goodies – whipped cream, flavored syrup, nuts, etc, etc. It was so big that IF you could eat it all, the restaurant staff would come around with a microphone and a pounding bass drum (the marching band type) and announce your achievement to the entire restaurant, culminated by pinning a big prize ribbon on you that said, "I made a pig of myself at Farrell's." Good fun.
 
Well, after my high school graduation, a bunch of friends and I went to Farrell's. I am a bit ashamed to admit this … but my friend, Steve, and I, actually finished off TWO pig troughs that night … each! Needless to say, my stomach was a little queasy night, but I slept it off and life went on. And did I mention that I was skinny?
 
Fast forward to age 40 – my appetite hadn't changed much but I could eat and actually be full. And I wasn't skinny anymore. Since that time, shock horror, I have struggled off and on with this thing called weight loss. At age 55, I weigh myself pretty much every day and there are often groans as I realise I've put on another few kilos. How annoying!
 
I am currently reading the best-selling book Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow by Yuval Noah Harai. I was shocked to learn the following:
  • Overeating is now a worse problem than famine in our world. Half of humankind is expected to be overweight by 2030. In 2010, famine and malnutrition combined killed about 1 million people, whereas obesity killed 3 million.
  • Whereas in 2010 obesity and related illnesses killed about 3 million people, terrorists killed a total of 7,697 people across the globe, most of them in developing countries. For the average American or European, Coca-Cola poses a far deadlier threat than al-Qaeda.
  • In 2012 about 56 million people died throughout the world; 620,000 of them died due to human violence (war killed 120,000 people, and crime killed another 500,000). In contrast, 800,000 committed suicide, and 1.5 million died of diabetes. Sugar is now more dangerous than gunpowder.
These facts are quite alarming and should definitely grab our attention. After all, the best gift you can give your family and loved ones is living a long life – staying around as long as you can. None of us can guarantee a long life but we can choose to develop some healthy habits that at least make that a greater possibility.
 
Mark Conner Contemporary Culture, General Interest, Personal Development

Finding Happiness (Part 3): Financial Control

IMG_0567

The third ingredient contributing to our everyday happiness (read part 1) is financial control.

Money isn't everything but having enough to meet our own needs as well as to give away to others can create a sense of happiness and freedom in our lives. This has nothing to do with our 'net worth' or waiting until we get that next raise or bonus. It's about how we are managing the resources we currently have. Money is a terrific servant but it can be a cruel taskmaster if we allow it control us. 

Thankfully, we don't have to wait until we have more money. We can start having a sense of financial control … beginning today. It's about having a common-sense plan that's based on hard work, saving, controlling our expenses, paying down our debts and investing wisely. Anxiety can disappear and, in a matter of time, you can know what it is to be financially free.

Unfortunately, we don't automatically have the financial acumen we need for life when we graduate from high school. Sure, we know a little math and maybe a bit about economics, but young people today often don't learn the keys to good financial management while growing up, unless their parents took the time to teach them and model the way. Thankfully, there are tools and resources to help us acquire the knowledge that we need. And it's never too late to learn.

A few helpful resources for Australians are:

Yes, for less than $60 you can acquire all the knowledge and skills you need to gain financial control. That's well worth it.

Did you know that (all are recent statistics from Scott Pape's book mentioned above):

  • The majority of Australians pay $515 a year in bank fees. Over 10 years, that's $5,150, enough money to take you on a really good holiday somewhere!
  • Your super fund can gobble up a third of your savings in fees. Approximately 90% of Australians don't choose where their super money is invested, so they end up in their fund's default option.
  • The average wage in Australia is $78,832 (the top 0.28% of the richest people in the world by income) yet 62% of us believe we can't afford to buy everything we really need.
  • Australians on average live in the biggest homes in the world. And we need a lot of stuff to fill those homes. And we are one of the biggest waste producers in the world – second only to the USA.
  • Australia has the highest rate of household debt in the world. 
  • Only 7% of Australians have the right amount of insurance. 
  • Most Australians aren't ready to retire financially. Although having the richest people on the planet, one in three retirees lives in poverty due to the high cost of living and many run out of savings 13 years before they die … one of the worst results in the world.

Thankfully, it doesn't have to be that way. People are often destroyed through lack of knowledge. That's why it is important to "get wisdom". Get around people who know more than you do and be humble enough to ask questions. Be willing to learn. Have a teachable attitude. You can learn anything … if you only give it a go.

Your money is just that – YOUR money. You got out of bed in the morning, went to work, and earned your paycheck. Why not learn to manage those resources better so you can achieve a greater degree of financial control? It is possible. You can do it. I'll be cheering you on. You'll be glad you did.

P.S. For some more insights on the topic of finance, be sure to check my 3 BLOG posts on Money Talks.

Mark Conner Contemporary Culture, General Interest, Personal Development, Relationships

Finding Happiness (Part 2): Strong Personal Relationships

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The second factor that contributes to our happiness (read Part 1) is Strong Personal Relationships.

Each of us is born into a family and a desire for a sense of belonging is a part of what it means to be human. Although the introverts among us tend to be energized by solitude and alone time, most people enjoy meaningful conversation and are enriched by good friendships.

In many ways, relationships are spatial. Most people have lots of acquaintances, many 'friends' or people they know more about or do life together with, but usually only a few close or best friends. Like circles of friendship, the former are further away emotionally while the latter are in close proximity. The key is knowing who is where and how best your constellation of relationships functions in a healthy manner – for everyone concerned. 

We find close friends by first being friendly with lots of people – enlarging our circle of acquaintances. Out of these casual connections, we often find people with common interests or who are of a 'kindred spirit' where there is a mutuality of commonality and enjoyment. With time and effort, close friendships can emerge. And what a gift a good friend is! Of course, to have friends one must be friendly and it is often in giving to others that we also receive. 

How are your relationships going? Who are your friends? Who needs to be closer? Who should you be creating some distance from at the moment (not that you become rude to them but that their proximity is not benefiting either of you)? 

What could you do to strengthen your existing friendships? What conversation do you need to have to take things to a deeper level?

What steps could you take to make some new friends? Where could you meet people with common values and interests?

In most relationships, we get out of them what we put into them. True love thinks about how the other person wants to be treated then grabs the initiative and treats them that way. It's called the "Golden Rule" and it enhances all relationships. 

Tomorrow: Financial Control

For some additional BLOG post around the theme of relationships, see also:

Mark Conner Contemporary Culture, General Interest, Personal Development

Finding Happiness (Part 1): A Sense of Purpose

Finding-Happiness

Are you happy? 

What does happiness really look like?

Australia's longest running and most comprehensive survey on happiness is conducted by the Australian Unity Wellbeing Index. After 15 years of detailed research, the author of the survey, Deakin University Emeritus Professor Bob Cummins, says he's finally cracked the code to wellbeing, which he has dubbed the ‘golden triangle of happiness':

  1. A sense of purpose.
  2. Strong personal relationships.
  3. Financial control.

Let's take a look at each of these:

A Sense of Purpose

Deep inside of each one of us is a need for a sense of purpose and meaning. What are we living for? What is life all about? Why should we even get out of bed in the morning? Good questions! 

A lot of people simply pursue pleasure (more fun!), possessions (more stuff!) and prestige (more popularity!). Is it any wonder, because the media and our culture bombard us every day with these values. Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with these pursuits. It's just worth pausing and asking if they are worth making the central purpose of our life. 

Pleasure doesn't last that long and before you know it, we need another fix. 

All stuff eventually breaks down and wears out and before you know it we want something newer or better (thanks to the relentless efforts of the multi-billion dollar marketing industry). Years of detailed research proves quite convincingly that once you earn over a certain amount a year, money won't make you much happier. Is it really worth the time and effort to pursue outward symbols of success – owning an expensive home, in an expensive suburb, and driving an expensive car to drop the kids off at an expensive school? Many people bite off more than they can chew. They work more. They stress more. They fight more. Is it really worth it?

Prestige can be elusive too. We can be with the 'in crowd' one day and forgotten the next. If our sense of worth and identity is based on what other people think about us, we will always be vulnerable and at risk to the whims of people's fickle opinions. 

So what are you living for? What is the purpose of your life? These are BIG questions. And it's worth pulling aside from the rat race, even if just for an hour or two, to consider and reflect on them deeply. Life's way too short to be climbing the so-called ladder of success only to get to the top and find it was leaning against the wrong wall.

Tomorrow: Strong Personal Relationships.

Here are a few other BLOG posts that might be helpful as you reflect on your sense of purpose:

Mark Conner Personal Development

The Story of Your Life

Story-of-your-life

I love the idea of life being like a story. History itself is a narrative of the story of the human race of which we are all a part. Within that grander story, every one of us has a story to tell. Your life is your story. Your story is your life. 

Like a story, your life has a beginning, a middle, and an ending. There is a theme, characters, subplots (work, family, health, happiness, friendship), trajectory, and tone.

 What kind of story is your life?

  • A comedy?
  • A drama?
  • A thriller (horror) movie?
  • A romance or a love story?
  • An action movie?
  • A fairy tale?

In reality, each of our life stories is an EPIC. It’s a long journey with many scenes, experiences, twists and turns, characters, and smaller individual story lines. It's our own personal growth adventure!

Right now, I'm reading a very interesting book called Step Out of Your Story: Writing Exercises to Reframe and Transform Your Life by Kim Scheinderman. Drawing from a number of disciplines, including narrative therapy, she presents life as a spiritual story which we are co-authoring. She suggests that we "can re-imagine ourselves as the hero of our own unfolding story, with the power to reclaim our personal narrative through choice and voice … rather than remaining entrenched in tales of victimisation and martyrdom."

Here are a few questions for you to reflect on:

1. It's been said that most people spend more time planning their holidays than they do planning their lives. When is the last time you took some extended time aside to think deeply and honestly about your own life?

"Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of the mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering." St. Augustine – Confessions.

2. If you could view your life as a story, what is the 'narrative arc' of your story so far? Are you happy with where the story is going?

3. Who is writing your story? Is it really you … or are you simply following the scripts of other influential and even well-intentioned people in your life?

"Freedom begins the moment you realise someone else has been writing your story and it's time you took the pen from them and started writing it yourself." Bill Moyers

[Watch the movie The Truman Show for a classic example of a person living out someone else's script]

4. Use a third person lens as you look at your life.

  • Draft a brief character sketch of the main character (the protagonist) of your story – YOU.
  • What does this character want out of life? What are their motivations, dreams, and aspirations? 
  • What is getting in the way? What are the obstacles (or antagonists), whether people, emotions or things?
  • What's at stake? How intense is the character's motivation? How much do they care? What is to gain by overcoming the obstacles? What is to lose by failing to do so?

Notice how different you write about, or see yourself, when taking a somewhat neutral observer/onlooker role.

5. The biblical character of Joseph went through a horrible family ordeal of rejection and betrayal. Yet at the end, when re-united with his brothers, he said, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good" (Genesis 50:20). Without denying his painful past, how did Joseph learn to tell his story from such a redemptive perspective? How can we learn to re-tell our own stories with more of a redemptive spin that allows for God's providence in all things – the good, the bad and the ugly?

"What matters in life is not what happens to you, but how you remember it and how you tell it." Gabriel Garcia Marquez

6. In one of the darkest times of ancient Israel's history, the prophet Jeremiah said this:

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11.

How could this powerfully, positive statement inform your understanding of God's intentions for the remainder of your story, regardless of what has been in your past?

Whatever your story has been so far, may your next chapter truly be your best chapter yet!

See also: Storyline: Understand your Story

Psalm 9:11. Sing your songs to Zion-dwelling God, tell his stories to everyone you meet. MB

Psalm 145:4. Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts. MB

Matthew 13:3. Using the boat as a pulpit, Jesus addressed his congregation, telling stories. MB

Mark 4:30. Jesus said, "How can we picture God's kingdom? What kind of story can we use?" MB

Mark Conner Personal Development

No Worries

W

Have you been worrying lately? Worry is a common thing. How do you deal with your worry?

Well, firstly you need to ask yourself, “What am I worrying about?” A study was done recently about the things that people worry about.  

Here are the results:

  • 40% of the worries were about things that never happened or would never happen.
  • 30% of the worries were things in the past for which they could do nothing about.
  • 12% were worries about health and worry actually worsens your health.
  • 10% were about petty or minor worries.
  • Only 8% of the worries were about anything substantial or legitimate and of that 8%, half, or 4%, of them were out of the person’s control. 
  • That means only 4% were something that they could actually do something about.  

The research therefore reveals that 96% of what we worry about is totally irrelevant. It’s not worth worrying about!  

So why don’t you evaluate your worries today. If you can do something about it go ahead and do it, but with the rest just leave it. Don’t worry.  Trust in God.

As us Aussies say, "No worries!"

Mark Conner Personal Development, Relationships

Emotional Intelligence

EQ

Well known psychologist, Daniel Goleman has done a lot research on the components of success, especially in the work place. His conclusion is that Technical Skill and Intellectual Intelligence (or IQ) are very important, but that the quality of Emotional Intelligence (or EQ), is the most essential.  In fact, it’s twice as important as the other two attributes.  

‘Emotional intelligence’ is: knowing how to relate well to a wide variety of people.

How do we do that?  Well, Jesus gives us some great advice in Matthew 7:12 when he says, “Do for others what you would like them to do for you.”  

Some people call this the “Golden Rule”. Jesus is basically saying to think about how you like to be treated. Think about the qualities and attributes that attract you to others, the ‘ideal friend’. We can also think about the qualities and attributes that repel us from others. You know, the ‘friend from hell’.  

Think about how you want to be treated and then you take the initiative. You begin treating other people in that way.

Imagine a world where every one of us follows this basic principle of relationships. 

Mark Conner Books, Personal Development

De-Cluttering my Library

BookwormConfession time – I love books! There is a certain joy in buying a new book and putting it on your shelf … even if you haven't yet read the last 10 books you have bought. Book addicts understand this. Other people just don't get it.

As a kid, if my parents visited friends and there were no kids to play with, after dinner, I'd sit by their bookshelf and browse through their books. If they had an encylopedia set, I was elated. I loved reading and learning new things. I guess, at heart I I'm a bit of a a maven.

So I have a lot of books. Books given to me from family and friends. Books handed down from my father, Kevin Conner, or my brother-in-law, Frank Damazio – both fellow book addicts. Then there are books I have bought – new or in second hand shops all over the place. Did I mention that I have a lot of books?

The painting to the right is called "The Bookworm" and I have a beautiful version of it mounted on my library wall. One book in each hand, another one under the arm and another one between the knees. Every booklover gets it.

Well, we have recently sold our home and we are down-sizing. Yes, there are times to enlarge, to add, to expand and to make more room. We've been through plenty of those seasons. But now we are in a very different season – a time of simplifing, of letting go of a lot of stuff, and of de-cluttering. With two of our sons all grown up and married, we are moving to a house almost half the size of the one we currently live in. [See my wife, Nicole's, recent BLOG post "Honey, I Shrunk the House" for more details]

Sadly, this means there won't be room for all of my books. So I am currently working through my books, shelf by shelf and book by book … forcing myself to ask 3 questions:

  1. "If I haven't looked at this in the last 5 years, will I look at it in the next 5 years?" [Confession: I have looked and read a heap of my books, so this question alone isn't enough]
  2. "If I didnt have this book today, would I buy it?"
  3. "If I could only have 1 bookshelf of books, would this book be on it?"

These questions are helping me make some tough decisions … in addition to asking, "Can I get this book on Kindle and thereby take up less space by having an electronic version of it?" Sure, it's not the same as the read thing, but eBooks do save space.

It's time to give away, to bless someone else … with a book or two that they need more than I do. 

Painful but freeing. 

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