Category: Family

The pool of those living beyond 100 – the centenarians of society – is increasing in leaps and bounds (70,000 in USA in 2007 increasing to 834,000 in 2050; over 4,252 in Australia as of June, 2011, up from 203 just 40 years ago). Demographers are now starting to the number of ‘super-centenarians’ – people over the age of 110 (300 450 currently)!

So life can be prolonged, but eventually we will all die … unless Jesus returns in our lifetime. Eventually the life clock must run down and the human body must die.

People at this stage of life need to feel loved and valued, especially in a society that values productivity and youth, qualities that are in short supply among the aged. What a shame it is that elderly are often denigrated by society.

Let’s tap into the historical mind of these people – their memories and experiences, their perspective, their stories, their vision. They have done a lot of living – successes and failures, as well as mistakes and solutions. The greatest gift we can give our elders is our attention. We must simply listen to them once again. In doing so, we can gain wisdom beyond our years.

Late in life, the elderly ask themselves, “Did my life have any meaning?”

Some Suggestions: 

1. Think about how you would you like to be remembered.

2. Visit family and friends. Offer your presence.

3. Comfort someone who has lost a loved one.

4. Volunteer your time or contribute financially to a good cause.

As you reflect on the various stages of life that we have covered, where are you? What about those around you? What’s happening in your life right now? What is God up to?

In medieval times the Catholic worldview of the human life
span was often depicted as a circle. In the centre was the image of Christ. Around this divine hub, were illustrations of the different ages of life from infancy to the grave. Each age, like a spoke, was equidistant from the hub. This suggested that every point in human life existed in the same sacred relationship to the divine.

During the Protestant Reformation in the 16^th century, this symbolism underwent a profound and lasting change. Instead of a circle, the image of an ascending and descending staircase became prevalent. The image seemed better suited to the new importance of work, ambition and changing social roles in the emerging market economy of Protestant Europe. This is where we developed our notion of the stages of life, like steps going upward and then downward. At the highest step was a man or woman at the age of fifty – the peak of life.

The staircase model of human development, which views the fifties as the beginning of decline, has undergone a major transformation of late. Nowadays experts are more likely to conceptualise the life span tableau as five ascending stairs (a decade for each), with a wide platform at the top for those
in their fifties and sixties (and even for many in their seventies and eighties), before a rather quick drop into illness and death. At age fifty, most of us can look forward to another thirty years of life. Advances in medicine and education mean that people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s are healthier, better educated, and have the prospect of far more able years ahead of them than was the case for their parents or grandparents.

For many people, mature adulthood represents the time of greatest satisfaction. You’ve passed beyond the insecurities of early adulthood (“Will anyone love me?” “Will I find a place for myself in the world of work?”). You’ve reconciled with many of the anxieties of midlife (“I’m growing older!” “Will I achieve my dreams?”). But you haven’t reached old age when chronic illness and concerns about approaching death can take centre stage. You’ve raised a family perhaps, and seen your young ones leave the nest and live independent lives, freeing you up to enjoy your own life more fully. After
years of work, you’ve hopefully accumulated at least some degree of financial security. You’ve perhaps begun to take on satisfying new roles as a grandparent, mentor, and/or community leader.

Contrary to all those “over the hill” greeting cards – life in the 50s, 60s and beyond can in many cases be better than what went before. Of course, we need to adjust to an aging body. “At 40, you know you’re not as young as you used to be. At 50, you realise it almost every day.” Adopting a healthy lifestyle helps immensely.

A vital key to successful aging appears to involve the capacity to give back to the community in some meaningful way. Its time to nurture and care for future generations on a more collective basis. Generativity is about receiving something from the past, putting your unique contribution into it, and passing it on to the future. It’s what you do when you stand between the generations.  This greatly affects psychological well-being at this stage of life.

Many people at this age feel squeezed between two generations. One woman said, “It is as if there are two mirrors before me, each held at a partial angle. I see part of myself in my mother who is growing old, and part of her in me. In the other mirror, I see part of myself in my daughter. I have had some dramatic insights, just looking into those mirrors … It is a set of revelations that I suppose can only come when you are in the middle of three generations.” Role reversal can occur too, where the children become the parents and the parents become the children. For instance, a woman may just finish raising their children then have to care for ailing parents. This can be draining for some.

At some stage, parents die. That’s hard for all of us. Alexander Levy says, “Parents provide a unique spot on this planet, which is called “home”, where we can return, if we need to, to be loved and feel like we belong … after parents dies, its gone.” This is an unfathomable loss, regardless of the location or quality of that place called ‘home.’ No wonder, C.S. Lewis said, “The death of a loved one is like an amputation.” Like amputees, we often reach to scratch what is missing … only to discover there is nothing there.

Some Suggestions:

1. Become a teacher, mentor, referee, or coach. Volunteer. Share your expertise with the world. Avoid the dangers of stagnation and inward-focused selfishness. Cultivate generosity.

2. Find a cause you are passionate about. Don’t retire and die. “There is no age limit to enthusiasm, and retirement is a period in which individuals can discover or rediscover their passionate interests.”

1. Nurture life long friendships and give the gift of love.

2. Have a healthy and active mind. Keep learning.

Like the sun sweeping through the sky, midlife (ages 35-50) is like noon-time, dividing the first and second halves of life. At the stroke of noon, the descent begins. Note that what we consider midlife, was for most of history in fact the end of life for most people. As recently as 1900, the life span of the average adult in the Western world was only 47. We have been blessed to have extra decades added to the average life span in our time.

Midlife is a season that can be like moving through muddy waters. Some people experience what is referred to as a “midlife crisis” during this time (first written about in 1965). Midlife signals that youth and childhood are gone, that maturity is now the chief developmental task in life, and that death is something that looms up ahead as an inevitable prospect. Many undergo a crisis of meaning.

The physical changes of aging begin to occur here – the need for reading glasses, sore joints, changes to hair, changes in energy levels, injuries, weight changes, and menopause for women. 

Children start to leave home; aging  parents require closer attention as their health begins to decline. Some experience depression and trouble eating, sleeping, and functioning at work. Others have regrets over choices made 10-20 years earlier. We may feel the pain and distance of the lost years of youth. Regret can kick in, due to unmet dreams.

Some midlifers have climbed the ladder of achievement in the workplace toward higher and higher levels. Some find success isn’t all it was cut out to be (or ask, “What now?”) while others discover they have been climbing the wrong ladder.

Time feels like it is moving really fast and there is a good mathematical reason for this. One year in the life of a 2 year old is 50% of her total existence. While one year for a 50 year old, is only 2% of her life span.

Peter Drucker, the father of modern management and renowned author once said, “People now have two lives – Life 1 and Life 2 – and they are over prepared for life 1 and under prepared for life 2. And there is no university for the second half of life”. Are you ready for the second half of your life?

The apostle John tells us the the things the world values will pass away – possessions, pleasure, and prestige – while the person who does the will of God will last forever. What lasts forever? Loving God, loving people, and investing your time, talents and resources in God's work on earth. What really matters to you? How should you live your life in light of eternity?

Some Suggestions: 

1. Begin to cultivate what was neglected in the first half of life.

2. Take time to contemplate – engage in deeper reflection and evaluation (life deserves a good mulling over). Reflect on where your life is going and what ultimate meaning is for you.

3. Balance outer achievements with less material pursuits such as family and spirituality.

4. Take a break from the hustle and bustle. Find a quiet space to reflect on the deeper meaning of your life. Get off the treadmill of daily routine temporarily in order to assess the big picture of your life.

5. Modify your goals. Make a new list.

6. Start to give care and nurture to others (“generativity”). 

Next: Mature Adulthood

Early Adulthood (20-35 years of age) is a time of leaving the familiar world of family, parents, community, school and entering the big unknown world. It is a break with the past and a move into future. Of course, the very term "adult" is very hard to define. When do you become an adult? When you can drive, vote, drink or when you are married? It is a fuzzy line and for many the transition is a slow process. Some young adults are staying home longer. After all, why leave when there is free rent, cooking, TV and washing? 

Young adults often have some kind of life dream – a desire to achieve great things. They have plans and possibly a sense of calling to pursue something important. It is a time of idealism that will eventually be balanced with a good dose of realism. Mark Twain noted this when he said, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in 7 years.”

This may be a time of further education and then eventually entering the work force as young adults embark on their own career, a time of achievement. Relationally, there is a search for someone to love, then possibly the setting up of a new home. Some become parents of children. 

Around age 30, many experience some kind of transition. Maybe there is disillusionment (from still being single), an emotional crisis (possibly from a relational breakdown), or a career change.

Single people are not second class citizens. They are to be given full acceptance and affirmation. They are not abnormal or to be viewed with suspicion. Marriage is not a superior status to singleness, nor visa versa. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. Being single is not ‘second best’ or a life doomed to misery and incompleteness.

Singleness is not in any way inferior to marriage. In fact, you are better off happily single than unhappily married. The apostle Paul preferred singleness and encouraged people to consider it as a life choice (1 Cor.7:7-9, 27-28). Jesus was a single too. Singles are not half a person. We are complete in Christ, not through marriage. Marriage is ordained by God, yet it is not obligatory for everyone.

Some of the unique challenges that single people face include loneliness, low feelings of self-worth, problems with identity and life direction, pressure from married people (the 'matchmakers'!), maintaining sexual purity, and possibly or parenting alone.

Reflecting on the lives of both Jesus and Paul, we see that some keys for single people living an enjoyable and fruitful life are: (1) establishing an intimate relationship with God as Father, (2) developing healthy, non-romantic friendships, and (3) having a sense of purpose for life.

Singles, know that God loves you and has a purpose for your life. Marrieds, let's be sure to reach out to singles, giving them heaps of encouragement, care and support. After all, we are all a part of God's bigger family. 

Some Suggestions:

1. Find some mentors, teachers and role models who you can learn from.

2. Foster the sense of enterprise of this season of your life. Try new things. Follow your dreams. Learn from your mistakes.

3. Develop lots of healthy friendships.

4. Find a worthy cause to give your time and energy to.

 Next: Midlife

Adolescence (13-19 years of age) refers to the teenage years – the hazardous passage from childhood to adulthood. One way to describe this journey is like ‘rapids’ along a river. Things may get rough for a while but if you hang on and don’t panic, everything will eventually smooth out again.

Physically, this is a time of huge change. Puberty brings pimples, sweat, hair in unusual places, new odors, and crazy hormones. Emotions include quickly shifting moods, trying to find an identity, and strong passionate feelings. Mentally, it’s a time of growth, taking in the abstract, logic, and an ability to mount a good argument, as well as to spot hypocrisy and inconsistencies at great distances. Spiritually, teenagers are open to experience and giving themselves to causes beyond themselves.

Many ancient cultures had “rites of passage” to aid in the art of adult-making. Unfortunately, today many teenagers lack any meaningful connection with adults. As a result, many young people make up their own rites of passage with destructive behaviors such as binge drinking, drugs, violence, and risky sexual behaviour.

The writer of Ecclesiastes says, “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth (Ecc.12:1).” The teenage years are extremely important as we make decisions that have significant consequences for the years to come. Jesus said that there is a thief who desires to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). He doesn’t wait until we’re old to attack. He starts from the womb and intensifies his tactics during the teenage years, targeting youth with rebellion, fantasy, idolatry, and immorality. In contrast, Jesus comes to give us life, and life to the full. This is found in a relationship with him, where we develop loving relationships, submit to godly authority, discover truth, and experience the power of the Holy Spirit at work.

Here’s some great advice for young people from the apostle Paul …

1 Timothy 4:12. Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. NLT

Some Suggestions for Teenagers:

1. Read a chapter from the book of Proverbs each day (according to the date), asking God to give you wisdom. In a year you will have read this book 12 times, gaining insight for every important area of your life.

2. Find some adult role models who you can look up to and learn from.

3. Choose your friends wisely.

4. Invest your time and energy in positive activities such as volunteering, learning, sport, and music.

Some Suggestions for Adults:

1. Be a friend to a teenager. Just listen and don’t be too quick to offer advice. Build trust and rapport.

2. Volunteer to help with a youth-focused community organisation or church youth group, camp or activity.

3. Encourage a parent.

Next: Middle Adulthood

As we begin the new year, it is a good thing to “number our days” (Psalm 90:12) – to reflect on and give consideration to our life. Life is short and wise people live from God’s perspective, understanding that what we do in time echoes into eternity.

Students of human development would be aware of the concept of seeing life as a journey through successive stages
of life, depending on our age (see The Human Odyssesy: Navigating the Twleve Stages of Life as an example). Let’s briefly overview a few of them.

The first stage of life is Childhood. Childhood (0-12) can be divided into a number of smaller stages: Infancy (1-2 years of age), Early Childood (2-4 years), Middle Childhood (5-8 years) and Late Childhood (9-12 years).

Everyone loves a baby and before you know it, they grow to become a toddler. Toddlers have to be the greatest renewable energy source on the planet – crawling vitality. Children are known for their playfulness, their creativity, their spontaneity, and their sense of wonder. As they grow, they demonstrate active imaginations and they love stories.

No wonder Jesus said that we need to become like children to enter the kingdom (Matthew 18:1-5). Notice that he said we are to be ‘childlike’ not ‘childish.’  Unfortunately, we so often lose many of the wonderful qualities of children when we grow older.

Parents of young childen, enjoy this stage. When our three children were very little, older people would come up and say things such as, “Enjoy them while they’re young, they grow quickly.” I remember kind of laughing … but they were right. Blink and they’ve grown up and before you know it they’re gone … off to start their own families.

Never under-estimate the capacity of children. We know virtually nothing about Jesus’ childhood and teenage years but Luke gives us a few insights into Jesus at the age of 12 – one year away from accountability as Jewish boy. Jesus was in the Temple area, in deep conversation with people much older than him (Luke 2:42-52).

1. Kids can know God personally. Jesus at the age of twelve already had a relationship with God to the depth of knowing that God was his Father (“my Father’s house”). This reference to his Father infers an intimate personal relationship to God that drives him. This also implied intimacy, identify and significance. Children are tender and open to the gospel – a factor that can change as they grow older. If we do not reach people in their youth, most of them may never be reached. Over 50% of the world’s population is under 25 years of age.

•  85% of people come to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ by the age of 15.
• Only one in 10,000 will come to Christ after age 30.
• Only one in every 750,000 become followers of Christ after the age of 75.

We talk about the 10/40 Window, which refers to a place on the planet where the most unreached people live. What about the 5/13 Window, the time in life when people are most open to receiving Christ into their life? What a mission field we have right here right now, among our own children and those in the community we’re trying to reach.

2. Kids can understand spiritual things. Jesus was among the teachers of the temple – listening, asking questions and giving replies. Even at a young age he had an amazing knowledge of the things of God. Already he valued the pursuit of comprehending God as he “increased in wisdom and stature.” Don’t under-estimate a child’s capacity to know and experience God.

3. Kids can know their life purpose. At the age of twelve, Jesus knew that his life was to be about “his Father’s business” or in his “Father’s house’ – that he would one day give his whole time and energy to the Father’s work on earth. Yes, he would have to wait for God’s timing and prepare for 18 more years, but this sense of destiny was already there. Early on Jesus understands that he is called to do his Father’s work. Jesus explains his call in his own words and it reflects his self-understanding. He is always about the things of the Father, then and now. In his humanity, he resists the urge to selfishness and focused on carrying out God’s will in his life. However, Jesus ministry has its proper timing and Jesus will wait to launch what he is destined to do. He is not impatient about starting his ministry and will wait until the time is right. He must, of course, wait until the forerunner before beginning his own task. Children can experience a sense of calling and life purpose right from a young age.

Some Suggestions:

1. Reflect on your own childhood. What were your happiest memories? What about some painful ones? How have they shaped you and how have you processed them?

2. Who were your heroes growing up? What were your dreams and hopes for the future?

3. Give quality time and undivided attention to a child. Read or tell them a story. Play a game with them. Ask them some questions and then listen attentively.

4. Volunteer to help with a children’s church ministry, camp, outreach or program.

Next: Adolescence