Category: Personal Development

I came across the best-selling book Halftime: Changing Your Game Plan from Success to Significance by Bob Buford in my late 30s. I loved the concepts but I was busy chasing 'success' as a young pastor of a large church in Melbourne, Australia. By my late 40s, I was what other people considered 'successful', as our church had grown by 5 times in size – from 1, 000 people attending church services each weekend to 5,000 people attending. But I was tired, very tired. 

During a 3 month sabbatical in early 2012, I travelled to Dallas, USA with a business friend to attend a two day experience at the Halftime Institute. It was a meaningful time of input and interaction around thinking through what a more meaningful second half of life could look like. It was intellectually and spiritually stimulating, and incredibly practical. In an environment with people from a range of different contexts, the process forced me to work through a series of challenging questions that ultimately prepared me for my next season.

My top strength is "Learner". I get energised by learning new things that then fuel my leadership and communication gifts. However, at that time I was so busy that my inflow was about 10% and my outflow was 90%. My dream future was 50/50 – 50% inflow and 50% outflow. 

In March 2016, I participated in a year long Halftime roundtable with a group of friends who are all active in the business world. This experience contributed significantly to my decision to finish up in my role of Senior Minister at the church I had grown up in and to launch out into a different future – one of greater inflow and of more focused outflow in the areas of mentoring, coaching, consulting and training leaders. I have now transitioning out of a high profile leadership role into what I believe will be my unique and best contribution. I am so glad I did!

After taking a few months off, I now feel refreshed, energised and excited about the next chapter in my life and vocation. At age 56, it's like I am just kicking into my second half … but it's not going to be a repeat of the first half. It's about doing fewer things – things that are more meaningful, that energise me, and that add greater value to others. All at a more sustainable pace and a more balanced rhythm of inflow and outflow.

Enough about me. What about you? Are you tired and a bit run down? Are you asking what the meaning and purpose of all you are doing really is? Do you long for something more than just being busy or climbing that ladder of success? Maybe it's time for you to take your own half time.

Halftime Australia is led by a good friend of mine, John Sikkema, who has his own amazing story of turning his life around from success to significance. Halftime Australia has a variety of resources and services available to assist you in your journey – from Halftime 'round tables' to retreats to executive coaching. I highly recommend the work John and his team are doing. Why not give them a call today and see how they can be of assistance to you.

You'll be glad you did!

Here's to an enjoyable and fruitful second half for you.

[If you live in the USA, check out the Halftime Institute there or read Bob's book mentioned above]

Hope for the Future

The amazing thing about Elijah is that, despite his incredible bout of depression, he continued to minister. God helped him to honour his physical body, he learnt to observe his thinking then renew his mind, God provoked him to action, and then God moved him back into relationship. Elijah lived on. In fact, what is quite humorous is that the biblical record tells us Elijah never died, even though he experienced a suicidal episode. How good is that! Apparently, he went straight up to heaven.

When you feel depressed, it can seem as if you will be stuck in that dark tunnel forever. There are not always quick and easy answers, but you are not helpless in the face of depression. There are a lot of things you can do to help yourself. You can take responsibility for your depression. You can seek to bring it under control and try to control some of the causes. It may take some time to work through your depression but simply acknowledging what you feel and then beginning to take some of the small steps we have shared in this chapter can be very helpful. Freedom is a journey.

One of the most common phrases in the Old Testament is, “It came to pass.” The good news about most depression is that it comes to pass. It is not the end. It may be a valley but there is hope. If Elijah was here right now he would probably tell us, “Yeah, I had a really tough time with depression but I found hope and you can too. You can come out of that valley. You can come out of that prison. There is a future for you.”

I think that Elijah’s story is a terrific example of how we, as a church community, should treat people who are going through a time of depression. God is a phenomenal role model. Did you notice how he treated Elijah? He handled him with care and sensitivity. He gave him encouragement, not just confrontation. Elijah’s experience with depression probably took at least a few months of time. This did not all happen in one day. God was very patient in helping Elijah work through and come out of this valley.

I pray that churches will become safer places, so that when people are struggling with depression, followers of Christ will be there to support and help them. I pray that we will be patient with people as they work through what is going on in their life. That is what God desires his community to be.

A Prayer

Depression robs us of our joy, saps us of our energy, and hinders us from fulfilling our purpose in life. With God’s help, we can deal with depression. Start taking some steps toward your freedom today.  

Are you battling with depression right now? Maybe you have been experiencing some low mood. Maybe you have been fighting depression for the last few weeks, months, or maybe even years. I pray that you will find hope. Take a step forward today. I would love to pray for you. Receive from God’s Spirit even as you read the words of this prayer.

“Father, you see what is happening in our inner world. You see our low mood and all of our feelings. Sometimes we do not understand what is going on. Depression can be very complex and very confusing. Lord, I pray for your grace to come into my friend’s heart right now. We pray that you would dispel the clouds and that they would see the light of the sun again. I pray for peace to come into their heart and mind. Help them to give attention to their soul, to what is happening in their inner world. May this emotion of depression be a part of their journey towards healing. May they know the fullness of your joy once again, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Some Reflection Questions:

1. Have you ever experienced depression? If so, what were the contributing factors? What did it feel like at the time? How did you deal with it?
2. What could you do to improve your physical health?
3. Can you think of any distorted thinking that may be affecting you right now?
4. What is your purpose in life and how could you pursue it more passionately?
5. What are some ways that churches can be a safer place of healing for people experiencing all sorts of depression?
6. What are some unhelpful responses to people experiencing depression that we should avoid?

P.S. This teaching on dealing with depression is the summary of one of the many chapters in my book Prison Break: Finding Personal Freedom. If you found it helpful, tell others and get your own copy today (paperback or eBook).

Back to Part 1.

Establish Supportive Relationships

The final lesson we learn from the story of Elijah is to establish supportive relationships. You will notice that Elijah had left his servant just prior to this episode of depression and during this entire incident, he was alone. Look at the story again.

Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.” (1 Kings 19:3-4)

Notice those words: “He went on alone into the wilderness.” Elijah left his servant, his partner in ministry, and it was when he was alone that he hit bottom. Loneliness and isolation often feed depression. Sometimes when you are depressed you may not want to be with people but we all need supportive relationships. Part of God’s assignment for Elijah was not only to anoint two kings, but to go and find another servant. He was sent to go and recruit Elisha. God was moving Elijah back into community. He wanted him to do life and ministry with other people, not alone. He needed companionship.

We all need friends and close relationships that provide emotional support to us, especially during tough times. It takes time and effort to build strong healthy friendships. We should do this in advance, not just when we are facing depression or other challenges.

As we said in our opening chapter, part of our journey to freedom is moving from isolation into community. If you are going through depression, you need people around you to encourage you, to support you, and to provide perspective and a sounding board.

Yes, the word of God is an accurate mirror but sometimes we need people to hear us talk and say, “You know, hold on, that is not really true.” We need people to help adjust our thinking. We need friends. We need small groups. We need a church community. Sometimes we need a counsellor, someone who is gifted in understanding an emotion such as depression, and who can sit with us and talk it through so that we get the help we need. Occasionally, we need medical doctors, especially if our depression is severe.

These people are all a part of our support team. Do not isolate yourself from people. You need relationships even more than ever when you are going through times of depression.

Tomorrow: Hope for the Future

Provoke Yourself to Action

To break free from depression we first honour our body and then we observe our thinking. The next step is to provoke ourselves to action. Here is what God said next to Elijah.

Then the Lord told (Elijah), “Go back the same way you came, and travel to the wilderness of Damascus. When you arrive there, anoint Hazael to be king of Aram. Then anoint Jehu son of Nimshi to be king of Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from the town of Abel-meholah to replace you as my prophet. Anyone who escapes from Hazael will be killed by Jehu, and those who escape Jehu will be killed by Elisha! Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal or kissed him!” (1 Kings 19:15-19)

God gave Elijah an assignment. He basically told Elijah that it was time to get out of the cave. God recommissioned Elijah to go and complete some tasks for him. He told him to get up and to get to work. Notice that he only gave him three tasks. Not fifty. Three. He was to anoint two kings and then appoint Elisha as the person he would train to succeed him.

Depression tends to make us sluggish and takes away our energy. However, inactivity can get in the way of the healing process. Part of our freedom journey is to get involved once more in daily activities. Even easy things can seem hard to do when you are depressed. Pushing yourself to do some things that you dread or feel too tired to do can help lift the depression. Set yourself some simple tasks that you are no longer doing. It may not be easy but it is important that you re-engage in the activities that you have given up. The sense of tiredness that goes with depression can increase the less you do and the more you withdraw. Becoming involved in some simple tasks can help to energise you.

Discover and pursue your purpose in life. Elijah became depressed when he lost a sense of God’s calling for his life. He lost perspective and saw no reason to go on. If Elijah had stayed in that cave he probably would have kept going further downhill in his battle with depression.

During my six month valley, I had to slow down and do a few less things but I did keep engaged with life. Even though I did not feel like doing some things, I kept doing them. Keeping in the race, keeping in the rhythm of life, helped me to come out of that valley. You can do the same. Do some simple tasks and keep serving other people.

I read an article recently in which Doctor Carl Menninger, a leading mental health professional, was being interviewed. He was asked what he would advise someone who was about to have a nervous breakdown. Most people thought he would quickly direct the person so see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Surprisingly, without hesitation, he said, “Tell them to lock up their house, go across the railroad tracks, find somebody in need, and help that person.” Here is a leading health professional telling us that if we are struggling with depressing emotions we should get busy helping somebody else. Why? Because when you help somebody else, you get away from the mire of self-pity and your problems tend to become right-sized.

That is what God did with Elijah. He helped him get better physically, he worked on his thinking and then he led him back to making a contribution. The kingdom was still moving forward. God had a couple of kings for Elijah to anoint and he needed to find a good successor. God was getting him back on track with his purpose in life. One of the biggest dangers, when we are going through depression, is that we can tend to pull out of the race of life. We need to provoke ourselves to some action.

Tomorrow: One More Step

Observe Your Thinking

The next step in dealing with depression is to observe your thinking. Let’s keep reading the story.

There (Elijah) came to a cave, where he spent the night. But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:9)

After the angel attended to Elijah’s physical well-being, God met personally with Elijah. In the course of conversation, God asked Elijah a question – “What are you doing here?” We need to understand that when God asks a question, it is not because he lacks information.

In the garden, when God said, “Adam, where are you?,” it was not because God could not find where Adam had gone. God is a gifted counsellor. He does not immediately direct Adam. Instead, he asked questions because he wanted Adam to acknowledge where he was.

When Jesus was talking to the disciples, he said, “Who do people say that I am?” Had Jesus forgotten his name? Had he lost his identity? No. He wanted to hear who they thought he was.

So when God said to Elijah, “What are you doing here?,” he wanted Elijah to observe his own thinking patterns. After Elijah had an encounter with God that included thunder, earthquake, fire, and a small still voice, God asked him the same question again. “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:13)

Because Elijah was feeling so depressed, his thinking had become distorted. When you are depressed, your thinking becomes very negative. Have you ever been in one of those halls of mirrors, with all those funny mirrors? You look into one and you are twice as tall as you really are. You move on to the next one and you are half as tall. You look like a little pygmy. Then the next one, you are about three times as wide. You quickly move on from that one and then have look into one where you are really thin. You tend to stand there for a while.

What is happening? The mirrors are giving you a distorted view of what you really look like. That is how depression affects our thinking. Things that are small become exaggerated. Things that are quite big become minimised.

Look at Elijah’s answer to God’s question.

Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.” (1 Kings 19:10)

In answering God’s question, Elijah revealed his thinking. Was his thinking accurate? Well, first of all, he had forgotten his experience on the mountain top. Think about it, God answered by fire and all the people said that they would serve God. Elijah had forgotten the great works of God. As a result he had concluded that his work was unfruitful and that his life was not worth living. He had lost confidence in the triumph of God’s kingdom and wanted to withdraw from the battle. When you are depressed, you selectively remove the good things that God is doing in your life.

Not only that, Elijah distorted how bad things were. He thought that he was the only one left. A little later on, God said to Elijah, “Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal or kissed him!” (1 Kings 19:18)

The situation is 7,000 times better than Elijah had made them out to be. God came and through conversation with Elijah sought to get him to observe his thinking and then begin to adjust it and right size it back to reality.

Our thinking has a powerful affect on our feelings and also our behaviour. No wonder the Bible talks about guarding our heart (Proverbs 4:23), renewing our mind (Romans 12:1-2), and taking captive every thought (2 Corinthians 10:5). When we feel low, our thoughts and memories are usually selectively bad. This tends to make our feelings even worse.

Depression can be a similar to a downward spiral. We think negative. We feel negative. We act negative. In fact, it is a cumulative effect. You think depressing thoughts then you feel depressed. You feel depressed then think more depressing thoughts. Then when you think more depressing thoughts, you feel even more depressed. This downward spiral is very hard to break free from.

We need to observe our thoughts and seek to get rid of the depressive bias. The downward spiral needs to be reversed by working to change the negative thinking patterns. As thinking becomes more positive, the depression often starts to lift, and produces more positive thoughts and feelings. Notice that God did not start with Elijah’s feelings, which were the symptoms, but rather with his thinking. He went straight to the root of the problem.

Thankfully, the Bible has given us the promise that the Holy Spirit is there to help us renew our mind. That is why reading God’s word is so important because it is an accurate mirror that shows us the way things really are. It is not exaggerated nor does it minimise things. It helps us to realign our thinking – about God, ourselves, other people, and life in general.

Tomorrow: Another Step

Let us look a bit more in depth at one person in Bible times that went through an incredible battle with depression. His name is Elijah. Yes, the great prophet Elijah. Elijah was a prophet in Israel during the time of King Ahab. Ahab was far from God and most of the nation was worshipping a foreign god by the name of Baal. Elijah preached during this time and there had been no rain for three years because of God’s judgment on the people’s rebellion.

Elijah then called for a confrontation. He told the people that they had to make a decision. They could not continually go back and forth. They had to either serve God or serve Baal. He challenged them to get off the fence.

Elijah called the entire nation up to Mount Carmel. He told four hundred and fifty of the prophets of Baal to come up the mountain too. He took two bulls and challenged them to a sacrifice. The God who answered by fire was who they were going to serve. This would make a great movie!

Elijah told the prophets of Baal to go first. They selected a bull, prepared the sacrifice then started crying out to their god to answer by fire. The whole morning went by and nothing happened. No breath of wind, no fire, nothing. Then they became pretty desperate and started cutting themselves. They were yelling at the top of their voices, crying out to their god Baal.

Elijah started teasing them. He taunted them, suggesting that maybe their god was on holidays or still asleep. He told them to yell a little louder. Maybe they needed to wake him up. Eventually, it was Elijah’s turn. He put the bull on the altar. He asked the servants to pour water over it a few times. Then he began to pray and fire came down from heaven, consuming the sacrifice and the entire altar.

Elijah then asked the people who they wanted to serve, God or Baal. All of the prophets of Baal were killed and then Elijah heard a sound of rain. He told Ahab to get in his chariot and the Bible tells us that the Spirit of God took a hold of Elijah and he ran faster than the chariot. He was moving – chariots of fire! He ran twenty-seven kilometers to the nearest town of Jezreel. What a day! Elijah was a mighty man of faith and power. That is the background for what we are about to read.  

When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: “May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them.”

Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.” Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree (1 Kings 19:1-5).

Elijah was now in Beersheba, which is 145 kilometers south of Jezreel. He was sitting under a broom tree, which was about four metres tall with long branches. He had come down from the mountain top into a deep valley of despair. In fact, he was so depressed that he had become suicidal. He wanted to die. He wanted to end it all.

As we continue this story, we are going to look for some principles as to how God helped Elijah work through his depression. Remember, the Apostle Paul told us that everything written in the Old Testament was written for our benefit (1 Corinthians 10:1-11). Although this is a narrative, there are lessons that we can glean from it.

I realise that there are different types of depression but there are some insights here in Elijah’s journey that I believe can help each one of us. God did not judge Elijah for his depressed feelings but he did send him some appropriate treatment to help him out.

Tomorrow: God's Remedy for Elijah's Depression

Biblical Examples of Depression

God is very interested in the practical areas of our life, including emotions such as depression. If you look up at the word ‘depression’ in a concordance, you will not find many verses in the Bible on depression, but the concept of discouragement, despair, low mood, and depression are mentioned frequently throughout. In fact, some of the heroes of the faith experienced depression.

Consider the man Job and listen to what he had to say: 

"Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant my desire. I wish he would crush me. I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me." Job 6:8-9. NLT

"I hate my life and don’t want to go on living." Job 7:16. 

That's some pretty low mood right there! That's how bad things were in Job's life because of the many tragedies he faced – and he had done nothing wrong to deserve it.

What about Moses? Moses was a phenomenal leader but there were days when he wanted to die and kill everyone else in his world (Numbers 11:10-15). Have you ever had one of those days? 

What about Jeremiah? Jeremiah was called to preach but no one responded to his message. One time he said, “Cursed be the day that I was born (Jeremiah 20:7-18)!” Now that is what I call feeling pretty low.

David also experienced frequent times of difficulty and depressed emotions. Read a few thoughts from his psalms.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire." Psalm 40:1-2.

"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again — my Savior and my God!" Psalm 43:5.

Have you ever been in a 'pit of despair'? Have you ever been discouraged or had a sad heart? David understands because he did too.

I've been reading through the book of Psalms over the last month or so and it's interesting to note that about one-third of the songs in this ancient psalter involve someone crying out to God because of the dire circumstances they are in or the severe challenges that they are facing. The other third of the psalms are songs of praise and thanksgiving, usually acknowledging that God has got someone out of trouble. And these are God-followers! How distorted is the thinking that believes that life is meant to be only bright and sunny days, with no difficulties. This is not reality.

Job, Moses, Jeremiah, David – these were not weak people. These were not people living in rebellion against God. These were not people without faith. Yet they went through experiences of depression that they had to work through.

Tomorrow: A Depressed Prophet

Symptoms of Depression

Depression is a complex subject, as it can take on many different forms and it has a variety of causes, as well as symptoms. Unlike a physical injury or illness, depression is hard to ‘see’, but it is no less painful or difficult to work through. Depression affects people in a wide variety of different ways. Symptoms of depression may include a negative change in thought, in mood, or in behaviour. Depression can happen to everyone in varying degrees or levels – from mild (feeling ‘down’) to very serious (even becoming suicidal).

When it comes to a person’s thinking, depression causes people to be far more negative and pessimistic. Small obstacles can become almost insurmountable. It can be difficult to concentrate.

Mood changes include feeling more sad. A depressed person becomes discouraged and at times overwhelmed. They lose the ability to enjoy things that they normally would. In fact, the ability to experience pleasure is dramatically affected by depression.

Behavioural changes can include becoming quite lethargic. There may be a high degree of fatigue. A depressed person often feels sleepy and can lack the energy to make decisions. These are some of the common symptoms of a person experiencing a bout of depression.

Causes of Depression

Where does depression come from? There are many possible causes of depression. Sometimes depression comes from stress. Life can be tough. Life can be difficult.

I was driving my car a few years back, on the way to pick up one of our teenagers from their work. I came to an intersection and, bang, there was this huge accident right in front of me. Thankfully, no-one was seriously hurt. I am sure that for those people involved in that accident, it was a stressful day. They would have experienced some low mood for a while, especially the young girl who was responsible for the accident. Her car was in a mess and she was really shaken up. Sometimes just the stress of life and the various crises that come along can be a cause of depressing emotions.

Sometimes it can be grief that causes depression. If you have ever lost a loved one, you will know what it is to go through a period of low mood and to feel down because of the loss. Or maybe it is losing something else that is valuable in our life.

Anger can cause depression, as can disappointment, guilt, fear, and negativity. Sometimes it is adrenaline exhaustion, which was what happened to me back in 2002. I was living at a crazy pace and trying to do too much. There can also be genetic causes of depression or biological issues such as brain chemistry. Some forms of depression may require anti-depressant medication to help bring about normal chemical balance in a person’s physical body.  So we can see that there is a wide variety of causes of depression.

Depression is an age-old problem, although in our generation there is an unprecedented epidemic of depression. It is a universal problem and it is no respecter of persons. It is everywhere. Depression is often referred to as ‘the common cold of the emotions’ because it seems to be so frequent that many people are catching it. It is very possible that either you or someone you know may at some time have to battle with some form of depression.

It is estimated that one in eight men will have a severe bout of depression somewhere in their life and one in three women will have a severe bout of depression. Women are twice as likely to get depressed as men. There are a lot of theories about why that is the case. One of the things that people believe is a reason why women get more depressed is that women tend to feel their depression. Men tend to act out their depression more than they feel it. Sometimes when men are depressed, they may not feel sad, but they may become irritable or angry. They may also immerse themselves in their work or become involved in adrenaline producing activities that may become addictive. Because men do not feel their depression as much as women, they often do not recognise it. However, both men and women are affected by depression, by low mood.

Tomorrow: Attitudes towards Depression

Back in 2002, I went through what could be called an emotional valley. It took everything within me to get through the day. Each appointment, meeting, task or project seemed like an insurmountable mountain that I had to somehow climb. I was relieved when something was over and I did not experience much joy or pleasure during any of these activities. It was like a cloud had settled in over my heart and mind. Everything was bleak, like someone had closed the window shutters.

In the natural, nothing was going wrong. My family life was good, as was work and church life. There had been no tragedies or disasters in my life at that time. So, I was confused. I was not sure whether this was some sort of spiritual or emotional wilderness or some kind of a mid-life crisis. 

After a time of reflection and with some help from other people I came to realise that I had been suffering from a form of depression, most likely a type of adrenaline exhaustion, due to living my life at a pace that was not sustainable. My emotions were basically shutting down and refusing to continue to live at such a speed. I had to make some adjustments.

I was not able to snap out of this season. A quick prayer did not fix it.  It took some time and some adjustments, along with assistance and support from other people, till eventually, I came up out of that valley. The clouds cleared and the shades came up. Life returned to normal again.

For many years after this experience, I was able to avoid this valley … though there were a couple of times where I came very near the edge. [More recently, I've dealt with a cousin of depression called 'burnout', but that's a topic for another day] Thankfully, over time, I learned to read my emotions a lot better. As a result, I was able to make adjustments to at least reduce the possibility of going back there again.

What about you? Have you ever been depressed? Maybe you have but you did not recognise it as depression. We have all experienced times of at least mild depression at some time in our life, and more likely than not, quite frequently. Your favourite sports team loses, you fail a test, a friend moves away, or you have a difficult day. However, this type of mild depression usually passes within a few days or even hours. However, sometimes depression can settle in for weeks, months and even years in certain situations.

Tomorrow: Symptoms and Causes of Depression