Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 24 – Habits

Hi friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of Soul Food.

It’s been said that “It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting.”

Life is made up of habits – things we do regularly, often without even being aware of them. Habits are what we repeatedly do. It’s true. “We make our habits, then our habits make us.” 

Good habits include things like exercising regularly, being grateful, paying your bills on time, and showing respect for others. 

Bad habits include thinking negatively, interrupting people when they are talking, not cleaning up your mess, or gossiping about other people.

Our habits will either break us or make us. We become what we repeatedly do. 

Thankfully, we are stronger than our habits. We can change them. It’s not always easy, but it is possible. 

When it comes to our habits, there is something neuroscientists call ‘the habit loop’. It operates all the time, whether we are aware of it or now. The four elements in the habit loop are (1) the trigger (or cue), (2) the response (or behaviour), (3) the reward, and then (4) repetition. Yes, it takes time for a habit to be formed – anywhere from 21 days to 3 months. 

It’s worth taking the time to reflect on your current habits.

  1. What is the activation trigger or cue for your behaviour?
  2. What is your response – the actual behaviour you engage in?
  3. What is the reward? Why are you motivated to engage in this habit – what intrinsic or extrinsic benefit or reward is there for you?
  4. What is the repetition? When and how often do you engage in this habit?

If you simply make a change to any step in this process, you can change your habits.

For instance, if you want to stop the habit of engaging in social media last thing at night before you go to sleep, leave your phone in a different room and have a book by your bed instead. 

Or if you want to have some ‘quiet time’ each morning before checking your email, to meditate, be still or read something inspirational, turn your computer or devices off each night and prepare your space for those morning moments. 

You can also apply this process to any new habits you would like to form. 

It could be as simple as laying out your exercise clothes last thing at night so when you get up in the morning you are prompted to engage in your exercise routine. Then after you finish your exercise, you might reward yourself with your favourite smoothie to start the day. Repeat this enough times and it will be an established healthy habit in your life.

Let’s summarise our main points:

  1. Life is made up of habits – things we do regularly, often without even being aware of them. 
  2. Our habits make or break us. We become what we repeatedly do. 
  3. Habits can be changed. 
  4. Experiment with tweaking ‘the habit loop’ to change, edit, or adjust your habits. 

That’s all for today. See you next week. 

You can watch the video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube channel.

Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 23 – Parallel Careers

Hi friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of Soul Food.

It’s common to think of life in a linear fashion. First, we have one thing, then another, then another. Most of us like this sort of logical sequencing. 

Another view of life is to see it in a more circular manner. We all go through various cycles – beginnings, endings, and in-between times being one example that we talked about recently. 

Yet another way to view your life, and especially your vocation, is to see it as a series of parallel tracks or parallel careers. Through this view we see that most of us have a number of things happening simultaneously – in other words, activities that are all occurring at the same time. 

I believe it is wise to open up or develop various interests other than our main job or work. It could be a part-time job or some hobbies. Another more recent term is a ‘side hustle’. By doing this, we spread our investment of time and energy into a variety or montage of interests and activities. Then, who knows where each of them may lead in the long term but your options definitely multiply. 

Let me tell you about my dad. He was a church minister for many years. At the age of 67, he finished up in a senior minister role at a large church. After this time, his life continued to be active and he had some of his most enjoyable and rewarding contributions from then until the age of 92 when he passed away. How did this happen?

Interestingly, my dad had developed a number of ‘parallel careers’ leading up to this time – without ever giving them that label.

  1. He was an author who had written a number of books. 
  2. He had started an informal fellowship of ministers.
  3. He did some occasional travel to speak at various churches and conferences both in Australia and overseas.
  4. He was also lecturing occasionally in a nearby training college. 

When he ‘retired’ from his role as church minister at age 67, he simply ‘re-fired’ and gave his full energies to writing more books, leading his fellowship of ministers, travelling, and lecturing on college. 

My dad had wisely developed other interests and activities outside of his main job so that when that finished he had multiple options to consider for him to engage in for his next season.

So what about you? 

  • What are your interests outside of your current work?
  • What hobbies do you have? They may never pay you money but they can be an outlet for your passion and your joy. 
  • If you consider all of your contributions as a montage, what adjustments would you like to make? Are there some activities you would like to do less of? More of?
  • Is there a ‘side hustle’ waiting for you to start?

Let’s summarise our main points:

  1. Life can be viewed in a linear or cyclic manner, or as a series of parallel tracks or careers. 
  2. Don’t let any one role define you fully. You are much more than your job. 
  3. Consider your life as a montage of interests and contributions. 
  4. Every now and then it is wise to review our portfolio of activities and make adjustments to ensure we are living in alignment with what we truly value and what has meaning for us now.

Have a chat about this with your family and friends. After all, we have only one life to live. Choose to invest your time and energy into what really matters for you.

That’s all for today. See you next week. 

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube channel.

See also my BLOG post on “Is Our View of Retirement Still Working?“

Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 22 – Halftime

Hi friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of Soul Food.

The late Peter Drucker was one of the first people to note that 100 years ago, most people only lived till around the age of 50. Nowadays, people are living into their 90s and many to 100 and beyond. It’s like we’re the first generation to have two halves of life – and we are totally unprepared for it. 

If you’re 50 years of age, you may have already had 30 years of vocational contribution (your first half) and you could still have another 30 years ahead of you (your second half).

Of course, the old 3-stage model of life – (1) education, (2) vocation, then (3) retirement – just doesn’t work anymore. If you look to finish working in your mid-60s, then that’s a potential loooong retirement period – doing what? 

Nowadays, most people will have multiple jobs and/or vocations throughout their lifetime. So the stages of life will probably go from Education to Vocation 1, to possibly some up-skilling and more Education before Vocation 2, then extending our contribution late into life through part time or extended voluntary work before full retirement. 

So where are you in your journey of life? 

If you’re in your mid to late 40s OR early 50s, there is a huge benefit in scheduling a planned ‘halftime’. 

In any sports game, halftime is an opportunity to pause … to catch your breath, then to look back on the first half and think about how things are going. What’s going well that you want to continue into the second half? What’s not going so well that you want to change? Most of the time, we don’t want to let the second half simply be a repeat of the first. We want to make some adjustments. 

In the game of life, the first half is often a time when we focus on success – whatever that may mean for us. In the second half, many people want to make a shift to significance. Our values often change, as does what has meaning for us.

Of course, you don’t have to wait until middle age to choose to live a life of significance. Success and significance can work together, as long as we have thought deeply about what truly matters to us – beyond the noisy chatter of the culture we live in. 

Don’t keep living your life without even thinking about it, stuck on ‘auto pilot’. Maybe it’s time to schedule some extended time aside by yourself – take a retreat. Have a halftime. You’ll be glad you did!

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. We are one of the first generations to live long enough to have two halves of life.
  2. The old 3-stage model of life – education, vocation, retirement – needs to be re-thought.
  3. Everyone, no matter what age, benefits from taking a ‘halftime’ to pause and evaluate their life.
  4. Choose to focus on living a life of ‘significance’, not merely a ‘successful’ one. 

That’s all for today. See you next week.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube channel.

See also my BLOG post on “Is Our View of Retirement Still Working?“, as well as Bob Buford’s best-selling book Halftime: Moving from Success to Significance which discusses the concept of ‘halftime’ in-depth, or visit the Halftime Australia website for even more resources.

Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 21 – In-Between

Hi friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of Soul Food.

When I was 19 years of age, I had been living in the USA with my family for 10 years. My parents then decided to return to Australia and wanted me to come back with them. I didn’t want to go … so we had some ‘intense fellowship’ about this for quite a few months. Eventually, we decided I would come for a year and see how it went. 

I remember the emotion of leaving America at that time. I was giving up everything I’d known – friends, connections, opportunities, the familiar – and heading back to a place I barely remembered. It was a bit like letting go of one trapeze and I hadn’t yet got a hold of the next one. I was in-between – my past and my future.

These liminal spaces, as they are sometimes called, are scary. It’s the feeling of the great unknown. The past is gone and there is no going back but the future hasn’t yet arrived. Everything is in a state of flux. Nothing is certain or sure. 

After about a year, I had gradually ‘replaced’ everything I had thought I was giving up. I made new friends, new connections, and new opportunities came my way. Although I have visited American again since that time and greatly appreciated the 10 years I spent there, in the end, I realised I was more Aussie than I thought … and Australia has become my home, again. But this process wasn’t easy nor was it quick. It took time and I experienced a range of emotions along the way. 

Ancient Israel left Egypt but before they arrived at their Promised Land, they wandered through a Wilderness. In-between times can feel like that wilderness – we’re not where we once were but we haven’t yet arrived at where we want to be. That can be frustrating.

In his excellent book, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, author William Bridges notes that it is often not the endings that do us in, it is the transitions. Transitions involve the emotion of change during the in-between times, like a trapeze artist hanging in the air! This can be exciting, yet frightening. In these liminal spaces, nothing is familiar or normal.

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Transitions are those times in-between endings and beginnings. 
  2. These liminal spaces can be both exciting and frightening. 
  3. Give yourself time to process the season of change you are in.

Once again, find a safe friend or alongsider who you can talk with. Openly sharing your thoughts and feelings is incredibly helpful and healthy. 

That’s all for today. See you next week.

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube Channel.

Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 20 – Beginnings

Hi friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of Soul Food.

Last week we chatted about endings. Today, lets talk about beginnings.

When you’re beginning something new, there’s often a sense of excitement and enthusiasm. But at the same time, everything can feel a little awkward. We’re in unfamiliar territory. We feel somewhat tentative, uncertain, and even nervous. 

I had all of those feelings when I began a new season in my life just 4 years ago. I had finished up 32 years of employment in one place and now I was beginning again … for the first time in a long time. It was both scary and exhilarating. It felt like a step, or a jump, into the great unknown!

What’s beginning for you right now? What’s new? 

Obviously, a new year has begun, but what else? Is it a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new project, or a new book you’re reading? Or is it a new perspective, a new environment, or maybe a new habit or routine you are hoping to establish? 

Another question – what needs to begin for you? Is it time to start something new or BE someone new? There are times in life where we need a reset, a re-orientation, or a reboot. It’s time to begin … all over again. You can do this … have courage to take that step … then keep walking.

Here are a few tips for embracing beginnings well:

  1. Be patient with yourself. When things are new, there will be uncertainty. Give yourself time to adjust to everything that is feeling unfamiliar to you right now. You are moving out of your comfort zone – that’s uncomfortable! 
  1. Embrace a childlike curiosity. Children have this beautiful sense of wonder as they approach each moment of their day. Everything is new and fresh and they are seeing and experiencing things for the first time. Choose wonder. 
  1. Be open to new experiences. Beginnings provide opportunity for seeing things differently, for change, and for growth. Even if you have a lot of knowledge and experience, lay aside your prejudices and judgments. Have an open mind for insights you haven’t seen before.

Remember books that used to begin with, “Once upon a time …” and so the story starts … OR “In the beginning …” and a new world comes into being. 

All the best with everything that is beginning for you right now!

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Life is filled with many new beginnings. 
  2. Beginnings can be both exhilarating and scary. 
  3. Be patient with yourself when you are beginning something new.
  4. Embrace a sense of childlike curiosity and wonder.

That’s all for today. See you next week when we talk about those scary/exciting in-between times.

You can watch the video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube Channel.

Mark Conner Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 19 – Endings

Hi friends! Soul Food is back … with all new episodes.

Today, lets talk about endings. 

Four years ago this month, I finished up working at a place where I had been employed for 32 years. We sold a home that we loved and we moved interstate. It was a major ending for me. A huge step into the unknown. I become a little emotional just thinking about it. 

In many ways, life is a journey with many different seasons and those seasons are marked by endings, in-between times, and beginnings … all interconnected. These beginnings and endings happen in our relationships, our educational journey, our living arrangements, and our vocation. 

Most endings are hard. They involve ‘letting go’, finding closure, and saying ‘goodbye’. There are often tears. There is loss. There is grief. 

But endings are necessary. In fact, endings bring with them the possibility of new beginnings.

Henry Cloud is his helpful book Necessary Endings says: “Endings are a natural part of life – we either face them, stagnate or die. Without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck and fail to reach our goals and dreams.”

What endings have occurred for you recently? What have you had to let go of? What are the losses? What feelings are you experiencing about those endings? How are you different now? What are learning?

You may have heard of the principle of displacement. If you have a plate that is full there is no room for anything new to be added to it. But if you remove some things from your plate, you create the space and the room for new things. That’s what endings do for us.

What necessary endings are coming up for you? Can you sense some nearing?

Have a look at this diagram below. It’s called a ‘Sigmoid Curve’.

This Sigmoid Curve illustrates those transition times in our life. After a season of learning and growth (the purple line), Point A is where we begin to ask ourselves some questions about our current reality and maybe even experience doubts about whether we are where we really want to be. We are feeling unsettled and restless or our motivation is low. It is time for an ending and a new curve to start (the blue line)? Point B is where we may have waited longer than necessary and we ‘hit the wall’ or have a crisis that forces an ending and propels us into rapid change. 

We will have many of these curves or cycles in each aspect of our life throughout our lifetime (organizations do too). The key is to discern the endings and navigate them with as much courage, discernment, and wisdom as we can.  

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Life is a journey with many seasons, all involving endings and beginnings. 
  2. Feelings of grief, sadness, and loss are normal when we encounter endings. 
  3. Endings make new beginnings possible.
  4. Learn to discern the seasons of change in your life. 

Finally, don’t go it alone. Find a safe friend or advisor to talk about the possible endings in your life and the inevitable emotions you are experiencing. 

That’s all for today. See you next week when we look at Beginnings.

You can watch this episode now on the Soul Food YouTube Channel.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Making the Most of 2021

The new year is well underway. I am sure we are all glad to put 2020 behind us with all its upheaval and disruption. Let’s hope and pray that this year sees greater peace, unity, and progress in our world.

Back in September 2020, we launched Soul Food with Mark Conner, a short, weekly video-cast of encouragement and insight aimed at improving your overall, personal well-being.

Our second series was around the theme of ‘Life Think’. Many people spend more time planning and preparing for their holidays than they do for their life. It doesn’t have to be that way. By investing some quality time in thinking about who we are, where we are heading, and what has meaning for us, we can live lives of greater purpose, joy, and contribution. 

There have been 5 episodes so far and we have covered a variety of important topics, each focused on one aspect of life planning. Below is a list of the 5 episodes along with a link to a transcript of the video content. You can watch any or all of these episodes on the Soul Food YouTube Channel, Instagram TV, or the Soul Food Facebook page. Why not listen to an episode you missed or review one that is most relevant for you at the moment.

  1. Life Think
  2. Your Why
  3. Many Hats
  4. Next Steps
  5. Time Out

New episodes of Soul Food are coming your way next week!

Mark Conner Personal, Soul Food

Welcome to 2021

Happy new year, friends! I hope that you had an enjoyable Christmas and holiday season and that 2021 has started well for you. 

Back in September 2020, we launched Soul Food with Mark Conner, a short, weekly video-cast of encouragement and insight aimed at improving your overall, personal well-being.

Our first series was around the theme of ‘Self Care’. The best gift you can give to other people is you being a healthy person – in every area of your life. There were 13 episodes and we covered a variety of important topics, each focused on one aspect of self-care.

Below is a list of all 13 episodes along with a link to a transcript of the video content. You can watch any or all of these episodes on the Soul Food YouTube Channel, Instagram TV, or the Soul Food Facebook page. Why not listen to an episode you missed or review one that is most relevant for you at the moment.

  1. Self Care
  2. Reflection
  3. Mindfulness
  4. Internal Stress
  5. Emotions
  6. Conflict
  7. Relationships
  8. Hobbies
  9. Personal Growth
  10. Sleep
  11. Exercise
  12. Diet
  13. Energy

New episodes of Soul Food are coming your way soon. 

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 18 – Time Out

I am a sports lover – especially basketball and football. In any sports game, from time to time a team will take a time out. A time out is a pause in the action where everyone can take a quick breather …. and think about how the game is going.

It’s the same in life. We can easily become so busy living our life that we don’t take time to STOP … and think about how’s going. Do we know our why? Are we becoming the person we really want to be? Are we heading in the direction we want to be going? If we don’t take a time out, we can tend to drift and our good intentions never become reality. 

One of the most helpful habits I have established for myself is a weekly Time Out. It’s a 60-90 minute appointment with myself. I think it’s one of the best uses of your time you could ever make. 

So what do you do in a weekly time out?

Firstly, it’s a chance to review the next steps you have set for yourself. A goal set and never looked again at is merely a wish. It’s so easy to drift and forget who we want to be and what we want to accomplish. We can easily be distracted and the urgent squeezes out the important. Reflecting on our next steps regularly ensures we stay on track with where we are headed. 

Secondly, it’s an opportunity to review the previous week. Look back over your diary and reflect on what happened – your your relationships, your meetings, your appointments. Gather all your loose ends – messages, emails, tasks, incomplete projects, mail, or anything else in your ‘inbox’. 

Finally, it’s a chance to preview the coming week. What commitments do you already have? Is your time going towards what is important? Do you need to make any changes or get released from previous agreements? What steps could you take towards achieving your goals? Do you have rest and recovery time? Time for self-care and fun?

I’ve been doing this for many years now and would say its one of the best habits for effective living. I have done my weekly Time Out on Fridays some years and on Mondays at other times, but right now I like to do it on Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Find what works for you and how often. Maybe every few days is better for you or once a month. 

Successful people know their priorities and focus their energy on them. They know what is important and they keep ‘first things first’. They use their time wisely and they ensure that urgent things don’t keep them from doing what is really important.

What’s your purpose? What’s your priority? What’s most important? What next steps are you aiming to accomplish? The issue is not whether next year will be busy but what it will be busy with. Lots of activity does not always equal significant accomplishment. A weekly Time Out helps us keep on track. 

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. A regular Time Out is one of the most important life habits. 
  2. Take time to review your next steps on a weekly basis. 
  3. Take time to review your previous week and prepare for the coming week. 
  4. Successful people know their priorities and focus their energy on them.

That’s all for today. Soul Food will be taking a break over the month of January. We’ve done 18 episodes so far. Why not review some of the ones you missed or that were most helpful to you. See you in February!

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube channel.

For further reading, see Getting Things Done by David Allen, The Essentialist by Greg Kckeown, and First Things First by Stephen Covey.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 17 – Next Steps

With the new year not far away, a lot of people start talking about ‘new year’s resolutions’. Do they work or don’t they? Are they worth setting or just a waste of time?

Well, research indicates that 25 percent of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions after one week. Another 60 percent of people abandon them within six months. Interestingly, the average person makes the same New Year’s resolutions 10 times without success. Amazingly, even after a heart attack, only 14 percent of patients make any meaningful change around eating or exercise.

What’s the point? Change is hard! And New Year’s resolutions don’t tend to work … but goal setting does!

Psychological studies reveal that the simple act of setting goals then writing down them down increases your likelihood of achieving those goals by 42 percent. There’s power in written goals.

Now I’m sure that some of you LOVE setting goals. If you do, you probably know about SMART Goals.

  • S stands for Specific. They’re not vague or general. 
  • M stands for Measurable. They are quantifiable.
  • A stands for Actionable. You can do something about them.
  • R stands for Realistic. They might be difficult but they are possible.
  • T stands for Time-Bound. They have a deadline – a date for completion.

Saying I want to lose weight is not a SMART goal. But writing down, “I want to reduce my weight to 95 kg by the 31st December” is. That was one of my goals for this year. 

Simply saying I want to get better at helping other leaders is not a SMART goal. But writing down that, “I will complete a Diploma of Professional Coaching by 30th June 2021” is. That’s one of my current goals.

On the other hand, I am sure some of you don’t even like the word GOAL! It all sounds a bit corporate to you. I understand. 

So why not think about your life in terms of your next steps?

Think back through the roles we discussed in last’s week’s episode – the many hats that you wear. What are your current roles? What kind of a person do you want to be in each role? What would you like to accomplish in each area this coming year? Now start thinking about your next steps to ensure that vision you have for your life becomes more of a reality this coming year. 

With little or no effort, we tend to settle into old patterns and habits. It takes a great degree of effort to escape the inertia of the comfort zone. That’s why next steps are so important. They motivate us to move forward, to leave familiar, comfortable terrain and explore new frontiers.

One other insight … best-selling author Jim Collins encourages business leaders to set 5 new goals for their business at the beginning of each year … and decide to STOP doing 5 things. The magic is in deciding what to STOP. You can’t keep adding to your life year after year. You have to STOP doing some things to create the space, time, and energy to ADD new things 

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Carefully crafting written goals is more effective than making New Year’s resolutions. 
  2. Consider what you want to STOP doing in order to make room for new things in your life.
  3. Set some compelling next steps for each role in your life – ones that you will be excited to work towards.

That’s all for today. 

See you next week!

You can watch this episode on the Soul Food YouTube Channel.

Recommending Reading: Your Best Year Yet by Michael Hyatt and Getting Things Done by David Allen.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 16 – Many Hats

In life, we all wear many different hats. In fact, it helps to think about our life as a portfolio of different roles? 

  • As a family member you might be a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, a husband or a wife, a partner, a parent or a grandparent. 
  • In your work, you might be an employee, a team member, a manager, or a CEO. 
  • You could also have roles as a friend, a neighbour, and a volunteer … just to mention a few examples. 

Your roles or your hats will change as you move through the different seasons of your life. For example, right now you may be a student, a daughter, a sister, a team member, and a part time employee. In a few years time you may be an employer, a wife, and a social club member. Later on you may be a wife, a mother, and a volunteer community leader. 

In this season of my life, I have 5 primary hats or roles:

  1. A person (that’s a role that helps me think through my own health and well-being)
  2. A family member (I am a husband, father, brother, and grandparent),
  3. A communicator (this includes my speaking, training, and writing)
  4. A leader (including being a coach)
  5. A business owner.

Identify all the roles that you have right now. Try to limit them to about 6 or 7 at the most … you can do that by grouping similar ones together. 

Then think about the kind of person you want to be in each of your roles. 

One of the helpful principles when thinking about your life to “begin with the end in mind”. 

Imagine your own funeral, if you will. It’s the end of your life and someone who knew you well in each of your roles (family member, work associate, team member, neighbour, and friend) is going to give a tribute for you. 

What would you want them to say? 

If you can capture that picture vividly in your mind then you can more easily start today to become the person you really want to be. 

You might even want to write out a description of the ideal person you want to be in each role – so you can refer to it regularly. 

Obviously, our aim should be to do well in each of our roles at any given moment in time. You don’t want to succeed in only one or two areas of life to the detriment of other areas. For instance, what good is it to succeed in business and lose your family or your health?

Taking time to regular reflect on each role in our life, or the hats that we wear, helps ensure we keep a holistic perspective and maintain balance in our overall life. 

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Life can be seen as a portfolio of different roles we play … or hats that we wear. 
  2. Take the time to think about the kind of person you want to be in each of your roles. 
  3. True success is doing our best at each of our roles at any given moment in time.

That’s all for today. 

See you next week!

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube channel.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 15 – Your Why

One of my favourite items in the kitchen is the ice cream scoop. What an incredible invention! I don’t know how many bent spoons scattered the planet before some genius came up with this idea. It’s designed NOT to bend and to scoop out even the hardest ice cream effortlessly. 

Now there are a lot of other things you could use this item for. You could dig out weeds in your garden with it. You could hammer a nail in. You could use it as a paper weight. Yes, there are multiple uses for an ice cream scoop BUT it functions best when used for the purpose its designer created it for. 

In the same way, I believe YOU were created for a purpose. No one is an accident. 

Your purpose is your why – why you get up in the morning, why you do what you do … the way you do it. Every human being has an innate longing to be useful – to do something meaningful with their life. Our soul has a need for contribution – a inner yearning to make a difference somehow. 

And I find that your why is something you discover as much as something you decide. 

You night have heard the motivational statement, “You can be anything you want to be!” Really?? Come on, that’s not really true, is it. I’d rephrase it to say “You can do anything you were created to do!” 

As we think about our life it is vital that we realise we have one life to live. This is it. It’s not a dress rehearsal or practice run. 

If you’ve ever been to a cemetery and looked at the tombstones, you will have noticed that most people get their name, their birth date, their death date and a little hyphen or dash in-between those two dates. That’s all you get for your entire life! But in many ways what you do in time echoes into eternity. So make this the very best DASH you can! 

One simple way to discover your purpose is to ask yourself three questions:

  1. What you are good at? Think about your strengths, your talents, your life experiences, and your unique skills. We can’t do everything but we can all do something.
  2. What you care about? Consider your interests, your concerns, what you enjoy, what excites you, and even what annoys you or makes you angry.
  3. What are the needs of the world? Reflect on the changes that need to be made, the problems yet to be solved, the challenges still being faced.

At the intersection of your answer to those 3 questions is your purpose – your mission, your WHY. It’s worth taking the time to discover that … because when we are living with a sense of purpose we are most effective and most joyful. When we are not pursuing a worthwhile purpose, we are just going through the motions … without really living. We end up being ineffective and frustrated. 

Think about your life. What are you living for? Why do you get up in the morning? What’s it all about for you? What’s the dream you are pursuing? What has value and meaning for you?

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. You were created for a purpose.
  2. Our purpose (or our why) is something we discover as much as something we decide. 
  3. We have one life to live – let’s give it our best shot!
  4. Living with a sense of purpose increases our effectiveness and our joy.

That’s all for today. 

See you next week!

You can watch a video of this episode on the Soul Food YouTube channel.

Recommended Reading: Know Your Why by Ken Costa and Start With Why by Simon Sinek

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 14 – Life Think

Did you know that many people spend more time thinking about their holidays than they do their life?

Today on Soul Food we start a new series called ‘Life Think’ – taking some time to think about and reflect on our life. After all our ‘soul’ includes not only our feelings, but also our thoughts and our decisions. 

Christmas is only just over 3 weeks away and you know what’s after that – the end of this year and the beginning of a new year. This time of year is a good opportunity to pause and reflect on our life … and to think about the direction we are heading.

To do this, I find it helpful to block out some time to have a thorough review of this year. 

Of course, like when we are driving, it is important to be primarily looking forward towards where we are heading … BUT every now and then we need to glance into the rearview mirror to see where you have come from. 

To do so … ask yourself some important questions: 

  1. What went well this year – things you are grateful for, that you can celebrate?
  2. What didn’t go so well – and why? Think about any disappointments or regrets you may have. 
  3. Are you okay with how this year unfolded? 
  4. How would you live differently if you had this year all over again?
  5. Was there anything missing from your life?
  6. What lessons did you learn this year? 
  7. What themes or patterns emerged? 

As we have said before, experience isn’t life’s greatest teacher. It’s only by taking time aside for reflection that we can turn experience into wisdom for life. It was Socrates who said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Of course, your past does not determine your future. So don’t get stuck there. However, the better we process our past the better we set ourselves up to create the future we desire. 

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. Many people spend more time thinking about their holidays than they do their life.
  2. Make an appointment with yourself and have a thorough review of this year.
  3. Tap into the power of questions.
  4. Your past does not determine your future. You can change!
  5. Reflection turns experience into insight. 

That’s all for today. 

See you next week!

Recommended Reading: Your Best Year Ever, Living Forward, and Free to Focus by Michael Hyatt. See also 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. 

You can watch a video of this episode now on the Soul Food YouTube channel.

Here is the full list of episodes in the Life Think series:

  1. Life Think
  2. Your Why
  3. Many Hats
  4. Next Steps
  5. Time Out
  6. Endings
  7. Beginnings
  8. In-Between
  9. Halftime
  10. Parallel Careers
  11. Habits
  12. Routines
  13. 90 Days

Series 3 of Soul Food with Mark Conner is on the topic of Reboot (4 episodes).

NOTE: Be sure to also see Series 1 of Soul Food with Mark Conner on Self Care.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 13 – Energy

Many years ago, I experienced what I would call an ‘emotional valley’ that lasted for over 6 months. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me but it took everything within me just to make it through the next meeting, the next appointment, or the next project. My mood was higher when something was done, rather than when I was leading up to it or during the event or experience. I felt overwhelmed a lot of the time and didn’t have the energy to think much beyond what I was doing at any given moment. It was subtle but very debilitating. 

Everything in my life on the outside was going well – my family, my friendships and my job – but something was clearly wrong. 

With the help of a personal coach, I came to realize that I had been living at an unsustainable pace. I would go on a work trip to India for two weeks, come back on a Friday then speak at my church five times on the weekend, then head to the USA on the Monday. 

As a result, my emotions were simply shutting down, refusing to live at this breakneck speed. They only seemed to provide me with enough energy for what was directly in front of me .. and only just. I had nothing left over in reserve nor could I get excited about anything much beyond each day. I was suffering from a form of adrenaline exhaustion.

It took time to come out of this valley. There was no instant fix or snapping out of it. I had to slow down, take more time off, rest more, and lower the high expectations I had on myself when it came to productivity. I shared openly with my family, my friends and a few close team members at work about what was going on. They were a helpful support to me during this time.

What I’ve learned since then is that managing our energy is even more important than managing our time. After all, energy is one of our greatest resources – but it is a limited commodity.

Have you noticed that nature operates on a very clear rhythm or cycle.

  • The sun rises and then the sun sets.
  • The tide goes out then the tide comes back in.
  • We breath out and then we breath in. It wouldn’t be a good day if all we did was breathe OUT!
  • If you connect your heart to an ECG machine, your heart beat goes in waves like this … If the line is flat, you are in big trouble! Yet that is how we often live our life – we go and we go and we go!

Self care teaches us the importance of balancing activity with rest, engagement with disengagement. In fact, to be fully engaged with any activity you need commensurate times of disengagement – for recovery and renewal. 

I prefer to see life as a series of sprints rather than a marathon. Marathon runners are amazing people but have you noticed how thin and gaunt they often look – kind of like greyhounds! That’s because they run and they run and they run and they run … seemingly never stopping. In contrast, sprinters often look pretty muscular. That’s because as intense as the race is, in a 100 or 200 metres they will be resting again. 

One of the ways to improve your productivity is to work in 90-minute increments. Focus fully on one thing for 90 minutes then have a break. Take a walk, eat a piece of fruit, grab a drink. Then do another 90 minutes. You can probably do 4 or 5 blocks of work in a day. If you do this, you will be far more productive than if you work continually – which will subject you to what is called “the law of diminishing returns.”

Let’s recap our main points:

  • Adrenaline exhaustion is a subtle form of burnout. 
  • Managing our energy is even more important than managing our time. 
  • Create a life rhythm that balances activity with rest, engagement with disengagement. 
  • View life as a series of sprints rather than a marathon. 
  • Try working in focused blocks of time for 90 minutes, a few times a day.

That brings us to the end of our series on ‘Self Care’. I hope you have enjoyed it and found the conversations helpful in looking after yourself. Self-care is not selfish! The best gift you can give others is YOU being a healthy person – in every area of your life. 

You can find written transcripts of each episode on the Soul Food BLOG page. Details are on the resources page at the end of this video. 

This has been Episode 13 of Soul Food with Mark Conner. 

See you next week! 

Visit the Soul Food YouTube channel to watch this episode. For other social media platforms, see https://linktr.ee/markconner.

Many of the concepts on managing energy in this episode were gleaned from the book The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr.

For more in-depth insights about avoiding burnout, see my book How to Avoid Burnout: Five Habits for Healthy Living.

Mark Conner Personal Development, Soul Food

Soul Food Episode 12 – Diet

Did you know that the average life span for Australian men is now 80 years of age and for women, it is 84? But the ‘health adjusted life expectancy’ (or HALE) is only 69 for men and 71 for women. Research tells us that we are living longer but that the last decade of our lives is often unhealthy. The number one cause? Obesity. Over 1/3 of Australian adults are overweight as are 1/4 of our children. This one factor alone is affecting our life expectancy and our quality of life due to its impact on cardiovascular diseases.

My theory is that the best gift I can give my family and my loved ones is to endeavor to live as long a life as possible and be as healthy as I can … within my power.

You can watch this episode on video at the Soul Food YouTube Channel.

Over 3 years ago, Nicole and I moved to a more whole food, plant-based diet. This was for health reasons with both of us having a history of high cholesterol and heart disease in our family. We have both benefited from this change, in increased energy, cholesterol reduction, and weight loss (for myself particularly).

I’ve lost over 10 kilograms in that time. 

I’ll never forget bringing in the groceries a while back and Nicole noted that one bag of oranges weighs 3 kgs. By losing 10 kgs, it was the equivalent of me no longer carrying around over 3 bags of oranges! No wonder my energy and vitality has increased. 

Dr. Michael Gregor is the author of the best-selling book How Not To Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease. In this book, he talks about the 13 leading causes of death in our time and shows how each one of them is affected by our diet, can be prevented by a healthy diet, and can even be reversed by adopting a healthier diet. His main point: we will all die one day … but why die of something totally preventable!

Imagine if instead of putting petrol into your car, you pour in gravel, oil, cordial, grass, and stones. Eventually, your car will break down. If you believe in God, you could pray and say, “God please heal my car!” Well, maybe God could heal your car … but will God heal your car? Probably not! You’ve been putting things into it that it was never designed to run on.

I think you get the point.

What we eat on a daily basis has a bigger affect on our health than anything else we do. 

Increasing your intake of fruit and vegetables and decreasing your intake of sugars and processed foods will make an immediate difference to your health. In fact, of you want to lose weight, I think you’ll find that what you eat is even more important than the exercise you engage in.

Talk to a doctor or a dietitian if you need some help. But why not start making some small changes … today. Replace unhealthy foods with healthier alternatives. After all, every bite is a net gain or loss when it comes to our health. As they say, “Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels!”

It’s very important to note that obesity is a complex topic and is affected by social factors as much as nutritional ones. Food choices are massively influenced by income, knowledge, and skills.

Let’s recap our main points:

  1. We are living longer but less healthy lives. 
  2. Many sicknesses and diseases are preventable and even reversible by adopting a healthy diet. 
  3. What we eat on a daily basis has a bigger effect on our health than anything else we do.

That’s all for today. This has been Episode 14 of Soul Food with Mark Conner. See you next week!

P.S. There are many excellent resources and books about diet. I recommend the following but do speak with your doctor and compare the various opinions:

To listen to a 20-minute message on ‘How to Improve Your Physical Health’, visit Mark’s podcast channel.